Throughout this series, I encourage you to consider how your brain’s reaction influences your behaviour.
Key point #1: minimize the chance that you will activate the amygdala, your own and others, so you maintain the possibility of creating a climate and culture where your employees flourish.
This is part 2 of the series so you may find it helpful to first listen to Episode #20 and read the related Blog Post before continuing…..
In Episode #21 I examine the stories from Episodes 19 and 20 from the perspective of one of the domains of our experience that have been proven to activate our threat and reward reactions.
Ted, not his real name, is the focus of the story in In Episode 20; I activated his amygdala in a very inappropriate way. Ted felt singled out, embarrassed, even humiliated by my practical joke….OF COURSE it wasn’t my intention. I was trying to bring the team together and have some fun after a very stressful but successful launch.
I believed Ted could handle it because of the many times he had demonstrated his ability to face and handle challenges. What I failed to realize is how my actions would create a threat response and trigger a reaction in him that even he wouldn’t understand. I also failed to recognize that simply by me being at the heart of the joke, I would make it worse for him.
Ultimately I failed to see around the corner…to anticipate the impact of my actions. I failed to recognize that, while he could handle difficult challenges when he was part of a team working together, when I singling him out and made him the focus of the joke he felt humiliated and diminished.
This was social rejection for Ted and he felt it just as he would were I too run up behind him in a dark parking lot or punched him in the gut.
Maybe my story is a bit dramatic and maybe you would never be as foolish as I was that day…and yet I know you fall into the same hole I did in other ways. Your direct reports feel as Ted did when:
- you single them out in a meeting by asking them to comment on something without preparation,
- offer advice or instructions publicly in a way that diminishes their standing or position on the team,
- step in to direct or develop an employee that reports to them,
- redo or criticize their work,
I learned from my mistake with Ted. It wasn’t easy…it took personal reflection, accepting my mistake and working on a better approach. In Episode 19 I tell a different story…one that reflects that I learned from my mistake.
In the story of Episode 19 my mission was to respect and value the input and contribution of my entire team of direct reports and to find a way to create accountability without micromanaging. There were bumps along the way. As I was telling the story, you may recall I share about a moment when the Director of Sales, came to me after a “check-in chat” to tell me I didn’t know my job. I was curious and asked him to tell me more. He went on to tell me he had built his career as a sales leader and he knew it was essential that the sales department be given preferential treatment. And I knew it was the standard approach in our organization and had I not learned my lesson I would have made my argument to him. Instead in this moment, I smiled and told him I would certainly consider his concerns and I would look for an opportunity to revisit it with him in the coming weeks.
Key point #1: minimize the chance that you will activate the amygdala, yours and others, and maintain the possibility you will create a climate and culture where your employees flourish.
His anxiety was the same as Ted’s. He felt his role and impact were being diminished and he felt he was being reduced to just another member of the team instead of being SPECIAL. I knew that explaining my reasoning and plan at this point was not going to help. It was my responsibility, instead, to show him his contribution was valued and critical to our success. If I didn’t there was a chance he would sabotage the work of the team and alienate himself in the process; not because he didn’t want to achieve success but because he would be focused on the threat he was experiencing.
David Rock has put forward a model that helps us understand the threat and reward elements of the brain. He calls it SCARF—it is an acronym and the S stands for status in his model. Ted and Don felt like their “place” or status was diminished….
It’s much like how we felt when we were last to be picked on the schoolyard.
When Don believed his value was being eroded by being one of many, he wasn’t able to see the benefits that he would later experience with the support of his peers. In time he saw how his team accomplished more when the entire unit was working together. In the meantime it was my responsibility to reduce the threat he was feeling.
When you were promoted to the new role, you got the boost that naturally comes out of this increase in your position and status. The way to stay there and continue to be successful, funny enough, is to figure out how to boost the sense of belong each and every member of your team feels working with you.
When you accomplish this as a leader, your team will hold you up and together you will all experience the benefits that follow when you are part of a high achieving team.
New leaders struggle to see this opportunity and sometimes those of us who have been around for while fail to see it in time, hence, my Ted story.
When our place in the world is strong and we feel rewarded by our status, interestingly our longevity and health are improved. Our sense of self and our efficacy is also boosted.
A few ideas for you to consider:
- Acknowledge your direct reports for learning and improving NOT just for their results;
- Use a Strength-based approach to performance management;
- Focus on the future rather than the past; and,
- Inquire on how you can help rather than offering unsolicited advice or instructions.
Some of the benefits you will experience:
- Members of your team will be more willing to take risks. You will see more innovation on your team as a result which will ensure you are always improving.
- The team as a whole will have a higher cognitive capacity. Collective intelligence has been directly connected to factors such as social sensitivity and an equal opportunities to participate.
- You’ll generate more collaborative activities on your team and everyone’s performance (as measured in both efficiency and effectiveness) will improve, including your own.
When you find an approach where every member of your team feels like they are an integral part of the outcome, their contribution will exceed your expectations. THAT will change everything. Each person will do their part, speak up when they see an opportunity or an obstacle, offer fresh ideas and hold each other accountable. You will only have to hold the space and watch them flourish.
NEXT TIME: another type of threat. How does it feel to be sitting on a plane on the tarmac that’s not going anywhere?
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