Character strengths are power through self-regulation. When we’re willing to develop the self regulation skills to own our life’s purpose, we can maintain the temperature of the water around us within a livable range. Being responsible & accountable for our choices leads to living a meaningful life.
The Kickass Koach podcast episode dropped Monday, challenges the belief one of my clients asserted. His conclusion is one I fear is quite common.
For the newsletter I explore how character strengths are power through self-regulation with an interesting client’s story. She found her self-regulation practice became the navigation system of her career and life.
This week’s Instagram and LinkedIn post, speaks to the importance of navigating and ultimately mastering our strengths. When we nurture the skills of self-regulation we are able to harness our inner power.
Finally, in this post, I break down the weekly tip by exploring how knowing and acting out of our character strengths we find personal power. I follow that by examining the impact of delivering on this power through well-developed self-regulation skills.
Character Strengths ARE Power through Self-Regulation
It is helpful to know and understand our character strengths. They help us understand how we are perceived. Moreover, they identify productive avenues to pursue our purpose and passion. .
First, it feels great to work from within our strengths. We get into the zone or a flow state. That’s uplifting and generative. Furthermore, this means the energy expands naturally.
Most people are surprised when they assess their strengths. Some of my clients get very upset when they see what their self-assessment revealed. These same clients, after reflection, recognize the connection between these natural strengths and their best performance. The knowledge becomes an advantage in their career.
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A double-decker story…
I am a disagreeable person. I wasn’t surprised when the OCEAN assessment revealed this truth. It didn’t hurt my feelings, as many thought it would. However, my reaction changed when I saw a 360 that revealed people, including me, rated me lowest on “likability” or diplomacy. I am not likable. That’s touch to hear. Working with my coach, at the time, I came to realize both how to use my character strengths to change the perception and how to effectively re-frame the results of the 360.
The second story thread relates to a senior HR executive I’m mentoring currently. She’s a new immigrant to Canada. She has served in very senior roles in a few multi-national companies (household names). Moreover, she served for years in the U.S. headquarters of one of these companies. Interestingly, it was in living there that she realized she wanted to immigrate to Canada. Now, she’s starting all over in her career in a new country and seeking an inspiring HR career.
During our conversation this week she agonized over feedback she’d received. She was told to lower her expectations. Unfortunately she was told to accept an entry level position. Clearly, she felt discouraged and diminished. This young woman is articulate, highly education and extremely experienced in large multi-national companies. She speaks multiple languages and will be an asset to any and every company. Suddenly in our conversation she cried out with clarity that she would be bored in the jobs being suggested.
Character Strengths are Power THROUGH Self-Regulation
The first step is knowing your character strengths. Without a doubt, self-awareness is the basis for establishing the criteria needed to apply self-regulation skills. Knowing what we want is critical. Obviously this isn’t easy. We have all been filled with a set of expectations. Furthermore, they’ve likely expanded into deep-seeded beliefs. Furthermore, beliefs often become persona truths. Diving deeply enough below the beliefs is essential.
Secondly, with a clear picture of our strengths and desired outcomes we are able to shift our focus on evaluating our current circumstances. This step is different. Looking at our life with a critical eye requires practice, a thick skin and a support. This is when a coach or wise confidante is a valuable resource. At this step we need to evaluate our choices and challenge our assumptions and biases in order to recognize options and opportunities.
Finally, the third step is adapting to what we learn through the evaluation. While it is difficult to learn life’s lessons, it is even harder to act on them. Clearly, it is at this stage that the change-back reaction is bubbling up from within. Also it is at its loudest and most powerful. This is the time when we must navigate sabotaging emotions and a desire to play it safe. Personal power grows out of this full experience
Both stories continue…
Likability is not one of my strengths. Using my self-regulation skills, I was able to leverage my top strengths of perspective and creativity to nurture relationships when warranted. Moreover, circumstances encouraged me to lean into my extremely generative nature – another strength.
Recently, when chairing a meeting, a participant made a comment about how diplomatically I handled something on behalf of the board. I laughed and expressed appreciation for the comment, given my highly unlikable and disagreeable nature. He seemed puzzled and I thought to myself, well I’ve clearly applied the lessons I’ve learned on how to use my signature strengths to increase my effectiveness.
As the mentoring conversation continued, we discovered one of her strengths is relating. She is highly skilled and naturally strong in building relationships and connections. This came up as she lamented accepting a task-oriented position where she may not have the opportunity to use her strategic and relationship building skills fully. I listened to her passionately discuss what she really wanted to accomplish. How she wanted to spend her days in support of others.
I asked her what kept her from seeking the work she loves and accepting she is ready to do. She stared at me blankly for a few moments. After a quick laugh, she admitted it was fear. Fear she had allowed to grow based on feedback received about how employers wouldn’t hire a new Canadian for that kind of work.
After a short pep-talk from me, she could see possibilities. With the caveat that it may take longer to land the perfect position, we focused more on how to build the future she really wants. We discussed how to measure her progress and adjust her approach along the way. She left with a purpose and a desire to create what she wants.
A final word before the credits…
Character strengths are power through self-regulation. Being open to learning an growing is a key to navigating the process. It doesn’t work out well when we let the world impose the process. Making it work means understanding our self. Self-awareness isn’t pretty or easy but it is the foundation of a well-lived life. This is the work I do. The experience of bubbling from within can be daunting at first. However, you can walk with me to navigate it effectively.
Have you heard about the #FeMasCon? It’s a conference examining performance and excellence with a healthy twist! We are exploring how, by accessing the full continuum of human attributes, boxed as the feminine and masculine, we can all live a more productive, constructive and satisfying life. Join us in Toronto on November 10th. As a reader, feel free to reach out to me directly for a discount code.
Character Strengths – a pillar of the BYI System
Character strengths are power through self-regulation. A foundational goal of the BYI System is finding this power and learning how to execute it effectively. Uncovering our character strengths is only a start. To get what we truly want in life we need to learn to put character strengths to powerful use. Additionally, we need to blend them effectively with our self-regulation skills.
A healthy meaningful and full life is made possible with clarity about our values, beliefs, patterns and habits. Additionally, our quality of life is influenced and shaped by our unique blend of strengths and inclinations. Furthermore, a growth mindset and open-minded approach are foundations to sustaining this healthy sense of self.
The System
The Bank Your Impact (BYI) System is about both developing and embedding self-awareness. Furthermore, the benefits of expanded resilience, connections built on understanding the impact of belonging and an ability to bolster a professional and authentic presence are foundational. Perhaps more than the other two, developing a foundational resilience is critical to with standing that which moves us into burnout.
The current system incorporates 1:1 coaching, roundtable conversations; eventually I’ll add a neuro-social learning experience (currently only available in organizational contracts but will be added to the system for individual engagement in 2021).
My approach is based on the ICF (International Coaching Federation) standards. I’m meeting you (my clients) where you are, both as the coaching agreement begins, and in the moment that exists at the time of each conversation. Progress or growth is not a straight line. The ICA model is the framework for every conversation: Issue/Insight, Choice/Commitment, Action/Accountability. Over the past year I’ve been tightening the model to meet the needs of my clients.
Holding space to support my clients in:
- Developing meaningful insights
- Expanding/deepening perspective on those insights
- Building/designing a practice to try on new ways of being/seeing OR experiment for discovery
- Assessing progress, becoming agile in transfer of learning and application before developing additional insights
An organic experience
The experience is tailored around what you bring to each conversation, in my experience, there are common themes that arise including: self-awareness, mindfulness, mindset, communication, connections, and attitude. Self-awareness stands alone but is also a foundational theme. I have registered upwards of 40 sub-concepts that fit under each of these categories. Furthermore, I bring tools, skills and techniques to respond and guide our work together, informed by positive psychology, neuroscience, and management/leadership research.
Walk With Me, to Where You Want to Be
In April 2018, I was struck by, what felt like, a call of purpose; an insight of sorts. It inspired me to shift the focus of my practice. I’m now walking with 30 somethings. People who are at a pivotal spot in life and career. Whether THERE by age or spirit, I want to walk with people at this place in their life. This is a time in life when we are natural SEEKERS. We’re ready to do some self exploration & find the real meaning of our life? It is also a time when we are more likely to get stuck and make poor choices.
The research suggests people embrace their inner REBEL during their 20’s (the most rebellious after the toddler days in fact). If you are passive in your 20’s you will want to get curious about that too! Most of us slip quietly and comfortably though into ACCOMMODATOR in our 30’s. This documented pattern grabbed my attention and my mission was made clear. Moreover, I’m intent on resurfacing, or igniting, that inner rebel, whose perspective, now shaped with more experience, may offer insights many typically miss when insight and awareness matter most.
In June 2018 I took a course in story telling. I was intent on finding my “Big Why” to help me understand my purpose for shifting my practice. Ultimately, I landed on my story. It spans from my childhood, with a pivotal point in my early 20’s finally culminating in a significant career turning-point at the age of 37. This story revealed an unhealthy pattern while illuminating my new purpose. In fact, I feel motivated when remembering the moment of insight because this transition is difficult. Ultimately though, it adds meaning to my work. Listen below…
Feel like you’re living someone else’s destiny?
If that’s working for you, great. If it isn’t or it starts to be a problem, reach out. I welcome a conversation.
Willing to do the work to find more meaning?
With the skills to unpack the emotions and barriers and triggers and mindset challenges with the skills in my BYI system, participants begin to see the impact in their career and finally begin to discover what matters most to them. The bonus: they begin to see a path to get there. Join me…
My system is intended to be meaningful, relevant, accessible and affordable. With that in mind, there are many ways to engage with me. Below find THREE ways to get started, without spending a dime.
Walk with Me!
- REGISTERfor an ASK ROX RoundTable… TWO LIVE 50 minute engagements available at your desk or phone – the second Tuesday and the last Friday of every month – limited to 12 participants in each and FREE in 2019.
- BOOK a complimentary exploratory 1:1 conversation 20-30 minutes.
- SUBSCRIBE to my mailing list from my home page, receive an interactive exercise helping you cope with stress, and a weekly reflection.
In closing, I’d love to bring my work to your team or workplace, so:
- Book me to speak at your conference or to a group in your organization. My workshops on building resilience, improving workplace outcomes through relationships, and increasing performance are big hits!8