When we choose to consciously make adversity a teacher we set our self up for continuous learning.
The 2020 theme of identity continues with my exploration of our response to adversity.
In the Kickass Koach podcast episode dropped October 26th, I discuss the way adversity shows up as a teacher or accomplice. How each of us responds to adversity speaks volumes about who we are.
For the newsletter, I identify Learned Helplessness as a side effect of making adversity our accomplice.
Finally, in this post I dig more deeply into how adversity impacts how and what we think.
Adversity as Teacher
No one really likes adversity. However, the more we look back at moments of adversity, the more we come to appreciate them. At least, the lessons learned.
THAT isn’t always true, I suspect. I have had my share of difficult experiences from life threatening illness, to set backs in my career, to family tragedies. I can’t say I welcome any one of these moments to be repeated. Although I am able to look back at many of them almost fondly because of the lessons they taught and the insights they revealed.
I’m really glad we kept a family record of the months my dad was in palliative care. I took an active leave from my executive role, which simply meant I was on-call and leading remotely while supporting my mom and at the bedside of my dad each day. As the only daughter who was able to make this time, I would write an email to my sisters each day outlining the experiences with my father. It was a ritual for my mom and me to read through the first draft each evening before sending it.
After my dad died I compiled all the emails into a book and had it printed for every family member. It was a record of a very painful but poignant time. Lots of lessons and life learning during this experience. I get a lot out of reviewing it periodically. The memories of the difficult time put some of my troubles in context while making others opportunities to once again seek the lessons.
When Adversity is an Accomplice
First, what do I mean by accomplice? It literally refers to a person who actively participates in the commission of a crime, even if they take no part in the actual criminal offense. When adversity is used as an excuse or justification for bad behaviour or an unwillingness to grow or learn it becomes an accomplice.
I first thought of this when learning about how our culture of ally-ship can be more of an accomplice in doing harm toward marginalized people than intended. I started thinking about how readily good intentions become accomplices to bad behaviour. In fact this is likely what makes systemic issues so potent and difficult to change.
Perhaps misogyny, racism and homophobia are excellent examples of how adversity becomes an accomplice. I recall the infamous Google Memo from a few years back, written by James DaMore. It reflected how the adversity felt as a result of the diversity in a previously largely white, straight, mail environment turned into an accomplice for biases thinking and discriminatingly behaviour.
While we see it easily in white, straight men, turning our adversity into an accomplice is just another way of falling into a blaming mindset. This is a form of fixed mindset – falling prey to the need to prove something.
Adversity Informs our Growth Mindset
When learning about Carol Dweck’s model of growth mindset I was struck by how easily I could fall into fixed mindset when adopting a dualistic approach. Making something right or wrong. Identifying ideas immediately as good or bad. Adversity does not behave as teacher when we are fixated on proving our value and knowledge rather than expanding our learning. With adversity as our teacher we progress effectively.
To make adversity a teacher, we will recognize a challenge or a failure and feel inclined to look for the lesson. What is the problem I can solve today? Where is the point in this experience for learning to grow in my perspective or my understanding?
Life is one big Experiment
When we choose not to prover our self but instead prove the value of our ideas or thoughts by expanding the learning opportunity, we embark on an experiment. Perhaps we benefit from exploring a variety of perspectives. In doing so, we shift how we see the world and each other – one experience to the next .
Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself.Failure is instructive. The person who really thinks, learns quite as much from his failures as from his successes.Every great advance in science has issued from a new audacity of imagination. – John Dewey
Continuous learning and fresh insights are the goal of the experimental approach. What will the evidence teach us? Moreover, this approach is generative in addition to being iterative. With an experimental collaborative approach, we may find progress is faster and we go further. In collaboration we can crack this, but only together with a willingness to learn and honour the data and the stories will we arrive where we seek to go.
We may be capable of more closely monitoring and learning from our choices and decisions and build capacity to adjust our actions to meet the current situation. Then, we may influence how things unfold. There’s a difference between wanting something and making something happen. With the mindset necessary to perform under pressure we’re able to influence results more deeply. This mindset that relies on clarity, curiosity and a resilient spirit we accept no excuses, only meaningful results. Furthermore, it’s essential we learn to evaluate the risk of any action, removing the very human emotions that cloud our judgment.
Walk with me.
Together let’s examine options consciously and authentically to make choices that move us strategically toward where we want to be. Where may client wants to go is my paramount focus. Strategy is a about choices. Execution on these choices requires masterful performance. Furthermore, a well-developed process allows us to enjoy the journey far more fully
Be part of the journey in 2020.
Start by subscribing to my mailing list . Subscribers receive:
- My interactive exercise to begin reducing the impacts of stress and feelings of overwhelm will be sent.
- My newsletter with the related podcast episode will be sent weekly.
- Special offers will be available to subscribers monthly including: a random offer of a complimentary one hour coaching conversation, access to roundtable engagements and group coaching on identity and related subjects, as well as information on an initiative on which I’m collaborating: #FeMasCon.
How we Bank Our Impact (BYI) Reflects our Humanity
The System
The Bank Your Impact (BYI) System is about both developing and embedding self-awareness. Furthermore, the benefits of expanded resilience, connections built on understanding the impact of belonging and an ability to bolster a professional and authentic presence are foundational. Perhaps more than the other two, developing a foundational resilience is critical to with standing that which moves us into burnout.
The current system incorporates 1:1 coaching, roundtable conversations; eventually I’ll add a neuro-social learning experience (currently only available in organizational contracts but will be added to the system for individual engagement in 2021). My approach is based on the ICF (International Coaching Federation) standards. I’m meeting you (my clients) where you are, both as the coaching agreement begins, and in the moment that exists at the time of each conversation. Progress or growth is not a straight line. The ICA model is the framework for every conversation: Issue/Insight, Choice/Commitment, Action/Accountability. Over the past year I’ve been tightening the model to meet the needs of my clients.
Holding space to support my clients in:
- Developing meaningful insights
- Expanding/deepening perspective on those insights
- Building/designing a practice to try on new ways of being/seeing OR experiment for discovery
- Assessing progress, becoming agile in transfer of learning and application before developing additional insights
An organic experience
The experience is tailored around what you bring to each conversation, in my experience, there are common themes that arise including: self-awareness, mindfulness, mindset, communication, connections, and attitude. Self-awareness stands alone but is also a foundational theme. I have registered upwards of 40 sub-concepts that fit under each of these categories. Furthermore, I bring tools, skills and techniques to respond and guide our work together, informed by positive psychology, neuroscience, and management/leadership research.
Walk With Me, to Where You Want to Be
In all my blog posts in 2019, you will find this section outlines what brought me to this area of focus: supporting people in the early to middle part of their career as a #performance #coach.
Feel like you’re living someone else’s destiny?
If that’s working for you, great. If it isn’t or it starts to be a problem, reach out. I welcome a conversation.
Willing to do the work to find more meaning?
With the skills to unpack the emotions and barriers and triggers and mindset challenges with the skills in my BYI system, participants begin to see the impact in their career and finally begin to discover what matters most to them. The bonus: they begin to see a path to get there. Join me… My system is intended to be meaningful, relevant, accessible and affordable. With that in mind, there are many ways to engage with me. Below are TWO ways to start, without spending a dime.
Walk with Me!
- BOOK a complimentary exploratory 1:1 conversation 20-30 minutes.
- SUBSCRIBE to my mailing list. You’ll receive an interactive exercise that you may use to reduce and manage stress or feelings of overwhelm. PLUS each week you’ll receive my podcast and reflections in your inbox AND you’ll be invited to monthly webinars and roundtable conversations.
In closing, I love bringing learning experiences to workplaces that are interested in raising their performance and encouraging their people.
- Book me to speak at your conference or to a group in your organization. My workshops on building resilience, improving workplace outcomes through relationships, and increasing performance are big hits! In 2020 I’ve added a few workshops on gender engagement – how, by knocking off the boxes that limit us by gender we all find our capacity expands.