Belonging motivates everything we do. Whether for our communities, workplace or individual wellbeing, feeling we belong is a gift that keeps on giving.
True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. – Brene Brown
The 2020 theme of identity continues with my exploration of who we are and who we want to be. Clearly, as the quote above supports, belonging within our self is an important aspect of building belonging in our communities and workplaces.
In the Kickass Koach podcast episode dropped December 7th, I share a story when I teased my 2 year old niece by telling her I didn’t fit in my family because I was adopted. I am not. Belonging is about more than sharing DNA.
For the newsletter, I respond to comments from clients who questioned a point in my podcast about how deep connections may generate conflict.
Finally, in this post I explore how belonging starts within each of us and motivates everything we do so determines the performance of individuals and teams.
True Belonging Starts with Each of Us
Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” – Brené Brown
Ego is the enemy of belonging. When we focus exclusively on self, we demonstrate a poor self-acceptance. We miss the importance of our interdependence. Bringing our authentic and vulnerable self is an acknowledgment of the value of connecting deeply with others.
When we connect deeply with another we live and breath the concept of Ubantu – a African concept articulated beautifully by Nobantu Mpotulo. It is a communication spirit of seeing others deeply. Recently, when hearing her speak, I was moved by many things she said including one line: “I am because we are.” Reflect on that line and its profundity will take hold of your imagination.
True belonging starts with seeing each other deeply and fully. Once you have enjoyed the experience of being seen you will know its impact and seek more of it. As I attempt to convey in the feature image, the first safe experience most of us enjoy is in our family. We learn to share this with our siblings and parents. It is a formative element in learning what belonging looks like. What it feels like. Primary teachers have an opportunity to offer this experience as well. A teacher’s attention to this human need may be the only ways some people ever experience it.
Belonging is THE Motivator
We love the experience of belonging. We seek the feeling it generates. In fact Ray Baumeister, who studied the concept, declares that everything we do is in an effort to build and expand this experience or feeling. He may not go so far as to shift Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs to place belonging at the foundational base but I think we need to consider that. We all need sustenance and the security of home AND yet healthy human development hinges on whether we are loved and belong in our primary environment.
Whether we are able to learn or are motivated to accept challenges is dependent on our psychological safety. This safety is what belonging provides. Those, even as adults, who act with courage and do the right thing even when they are threatened, know deep belonging. Belonging allows us to see our worth even when it is challenged. Healthy feelings of belonging make us less susceptible to negative influence, bullying and brain washing. It generates greater confidence and a willingness to change and grow.
Those with a healthy sense of belonging are more likely to speak up and contribute to a team during difficult moments. These are people who speak out against the status quo. A society with deep and healthy feelings of belonging is one that cares for its citizens compassionately and ably.
Belonging Drives Performance
Anyone who has been part of a great team knows the experience and driver that is belonging.
When individuals feel part of something bigger than them self, they perform at a higher level. A shared purpose is a more profound purpose. It is what drives the connect of being more than the sum of the parts.
Life is one big Experiment
An experimental, iterative, approach to life is a recognition that truth is found in the act of seeking. Moreover, when we rigorously work to overcome challenges our life experience guides us. As John Dewey says, education is life itself. We learn from reflecting on our experiences. Ultimately, this is an experimental approach.
Healthy belonging allows us to engage more deeply and take more risks. Experimentation is about a desire to learn, grow and make things better.
Continuous learning and fresh insights are the goal of the experimental approach. What will the evidence teach us? Moreover, this approach is generative in addition to being iterative. With an experimental collaborative approach, we may find progress is faster and we go further. In collaboration we can crack this, but only together with a willingness to learn and honour the data and the stories will we arrive where we seek to go.
We may be capable of more closely monitoring and learning from our choices and decisions and build capacity to adjust our actions to meet the current situation. Then, we may influence how things unfold. There’s a difference between wanting something and making something happen. With the mindset necessary to perform under pressure, we’re able to influence results more deeply. Moreover, this mindset that relies on clarity, curiosity and a resilient spirit we accept no excuses, only meaningful results. Furthermore, it’s essential we learn to evaluate the risk of any action, removing the very human emotions that cloud our judgment.
Walk with me.
Together let’s examine options consciously and authentically to make choices that move us strategically toward where we want to be. Therefore, where my client wants to go, is my paramount focus. Strategy is a about choices. Execution on these choices requires masterful performance. Furthermore, a well-developed process allows us to enjoy the journey far more fully
Be part of the journey in 2020.
Start by subscribing to my mailing list . Subscribers receive:
- My interactive exercise to begin reducing the impacts of stress and feelings of overwhelm will be sent.
- My newsletter with the related podcast episode will be sent weekly.
- Special offers will be available to subscribers monthly including: a random offer of a complimentary one hour coaching conversation, access to roundtable engagements and group coaching on identity and related subjects, as well as information on an initiative on which I’m collaborating: #FeMasCon.
Life’s Difficulties Overcome by Banking (Y)Our Impact (BYI)
The System
The Bank Your Impact (BYI) System is about both developing and embedding self-awareness. Furthermore, the benefits of expanded resilience, connections built on understanding the impact of belonging and an ability to bolster a professional and authentic presence are foundational. Perhaps more than the other two, developing a foundational resilience is critical to with standing that which moves us into burnout.
The current system incorporates 1:1 coaching, roundtable conversations; eventually I’ll add a neuro-social learning experience (currently only available in organizational contracts but will be added to the system for individual engagement in 2021). My approach is based on the ICF (International Coaching Federation) standards. I’m meeting you (my clients) where you are, both as the coaching agreement begins, and in the moment that exists at the time of each conversation. Progress or growth is not a straight line. The ICA model is the framework for every conversation: Issue/Insight, Choice/Commitment, Action/Accountability. Over the past year I’ve been tightening the model to meet the needs of my clients.
Holding space to support my clients in:
- Developing meaningful insights
- Expanding/deepening perspective on those insights
- Building/designing a practice to try on new ways of being/seeing OR experiment for discovery
- Assessing progress, becoming agile in transfer of learning and application before developing additional insights
An organic experience
The experience is tailored around what you bring to each conversation, in my experience, there are common themes that arise including: self-awareness, mindfulness, mindset, communication, connections, and attitude. Self-awareness stands alone but is also a foundational theme. I have registered upwards of 40 sub-concepts that fit under each of these categories. Furthermore, I bring tools, skills and techniques to respond and guide our work together, informed by positive psychology, neuroscience, and management/leadership research.
Walk With Me, to Where You Want to Be
In all my blog posts in 2019, you will find this section outlines what brought me to this area of focus: supporting people in the early to middle part of their career as a #performance #coach.
Feel like you’re living someone else’s destiny?
If that’s working for you, great. If it isn’t or it starts to be a problem, reach out. I welcome a conversation.
Willing to do the work to find more meaning?
With the skills to unpack the emotions and barriers and triggers and mindset challenges with the skills in my BYI system, participants begin to see the impact in their career and finally begin to discover what matters most to them. The bonus: they begin to see a path to get there. Join me… My system is intended to be meaningful, relevant, accessible and affordable. With that in mind, there are many ways to engage with me. Below are TWO ways to start, without spending a dime.
Walk with Me!
- BOOK a complimentary exploratory 1:1 conversation 20-30 minutes.
- SUBSCRIBE to my mailing list. You’ll receive an interactive exercise that you may use to reduce and manage stress or feelings of overwhelm. PLUS each week you’ll receive my podcast and reflections in your inbox AND you’ll be invited to monthly webinars and roundtable conversations.
In closing, I love bringing learning experiences to workplaces that are interested in raising their performance and encouraging their people.
- Book me to speak at your conference or to a group in your organization. My workshops on building resilience, improving workplace outcomes through relationships, and increasing performance are big hits! In 2020 I’ve added a few workshops on gender engagement – how, by knocking off the boxes that limit us by gender we all find our capacity expands. Life B