Change Back Already

Every attempt to change or accelerate growth will be met with resistance, there are a variety of ways to respond but respond you must. Be prepared for it and consciously make a choice that works for you.

For the newsletter I focused on a conference I am co-creating and guiding on November 10, 2019. Essentially the conference is all about progressive change. It covers the individual expansion that makes innovation possible, right though the extreme positions that take us prisoner, to the cultural and structural barriers that must be released.

I chose not to post Instagram and LinkedIn Videos on the post. Instead on Wednesday I was interviewed on a FaceBook live show called Courageous Conversations to discuss the conference and the opportunity it offers to let go of the limitations and break free of the boxes that keep us from positive and meaningful change.

I suffered a stroke in April, 2011. Dramatic events often are catalysts for change. I didn’t immediately make change but I felt changed.

Later that year a former employee took me for dinner to make a pitch for me to certify as a coach. “It’s who you are. That is the kind of leader I know you to be,” she said. I was intrigued. As a result, I attended a coaching conference a month later and started my certification three months after that. It was exactly what I needed to nurture my generative nature and cultivate a much needed change.

The Sunday after my first week in certification, I tendered my resignation at a meeting with the Board of Directors I reported to as President and CEO of a Toronto-based healthcare business. They were gracious in response. However, they asked me to extend the three months notice to six. This is one type of change back reaction. I honoured their request and the change back dance began..

In last week’s blog post on change I mentioned how it is often inspired by a loss or failure. My stroke served as a loss to me. A loss of trust about the future initially. Later, a loss of willingness to just take the easy way. Eventually, I realized I’d taken the easy road. I had happily accepted these well paying executive roles to be, as my mother described me, a “successful administrator”.

My failure to build a clear vision of what I wanted to do when I resigned my role made me vulnerable to the change back push from others. However, I had a secret weapon. My Adlerian coaching program taught me the principles behind mindset. It introduced me to Marilee Adam’s Learner/Judger Mindset and brought Carol Dweck’s book on the subject to my attention. Further more, I was reminded of a mentor years earlier who had introduced me to the entire concept of limiting beliefs, attitude and mindset as the driver of all behaviours.

Mindset is key to navigating the change back reaction successfully. What is a change mindset? It is one that remains longer in curiosity. It refuses to get caught in the ego trap of proving anything to anyone. the mindset is generative and creative. We will all be better able to withstand the obstacles that get in our way when we cultivate this mindset.

The story continues…

Members of the board continued to engage with me and encourage me. It was like a courtship sometimes. They were supportive of ideas I brought forward. Funding for more creative ideas were funded. My experience was more enjoyable. They were more generous in sharing their network connections. The six months were moving beautifully. I was happy to have extended my notice.

Just as the second three month period began, one of the members of the board asked to meet for tea. He had an idea to discuss with me. I concluded it was another business opportunity. It was not. This was the beginning of the guilt and manipulation. It was clever too. It was all about his concern for the Board Chairperson and the strain my decision was putting on him. The lovely tea party was a friendly shake down. I was asked to extend my tenure beyond the six months out of respect for the Chair. I was asked to keep the reason private. This board member knew I had a very good relationship with the Chair . I learned later that the Chair had been consulted on this approach. It was sneaky and manipulative. I also know it wasn’t intended to disrespect me. Of course, ultimately, I felt disrespected.

 

Meaningful Change Means Resisting the CB

Meaningful change is possible when we learn to resist the change back reactions. Too often organizations and individuals seek urgent change. I understand the impulse. Successful or progressive changes rarely happens that way.

A clear vision is a good place to start. When we aren’t clear about where we want to be it helps to set a direction and a few guide rails or signposts that signal the way. A clear path reduces the impact of the distractions.

Look for support that you trust before even starting down the road for change. The support may come from within. Developing deep self awareness is useful. Knowing our strengths and values are meaningful guides. They may serve as filters on whether to move in one direction or another.

It isn’t necessarily healthy to be rigid on a pathway of change. Consider turning it into an experiment. This way we are open to learning things along the way and adjusting our approach when necessary. An attitude of experimentation means we are less likely to feel bruised or lost on the journey. It is the discouragement that can come during the change process that makes us susceptible to the change back agents

Now, back to close the story…

I mention in the podcast story how I turned the change back reaction into an opportunity. I knew I didn’t like the attractive offers they were throwing my way. It was flattering but when I tested the ego boost against my values and deepest desires, my interest waned. When I felt discouraged I found myself falling into dreaming about how easy it would be to accept the offers.

They wanted me to stay longer so I turned it into a healthy transition. I put together a document outlining what I needed. First, I wanted more money for my trouble. Second, I wanted a more flexible schedule and reduced hours. Thirdly I asked for funding for more support for my team who would feel the effects of my transition. I go all three of my demands met. We had the agreement in writing and I stuck to my plan.

They hit me with one last dramatic change back. Unfortunately I had to get an attorney to help me with this unreasonable demand but while I was surprised by this last one, I was prepared for anything by this point.

 

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A final word before the credits…

Meaningful change is sustainable when it can bubble up from within. This is the work I do. The experience of bubbling from within can be daunting at first. However, you can walk with me to navigate it effectively.

Have you heard about the #FeMasCon? It’s a conference examining performance and excellence with a healthy twist! We are exploring how by accessing the full continuum of human attributes, boxed as the feminine and masculine, we can all live a more productive, constructive and satisfying life. Join us in Toronto on November 10th.

 

The Bank Your Impact (BYI) System is about both developing and embedding self-awareness. Furthermore, the benefits of expanded resilience, connections built on understanding the impact of belonging and an ability to bolster a professional and authentic presence are foundational. Perhaps more than the other two, developing a foundational resilience is critical to with standing that which moves us into burnout.