We are feeling machines. Moreover, feeling is our natural state but unfortunately we erroneously believe we are thinking machines.

We first must accept we’re biased. Furthermore, find a means to slow it down when in reaction mode. Ultimately, practice and hone this skill constantly.

Emotions will run high and hot when threats increase. The more overwhelmed we feel, the more we benefit from putting a check on our emotional reactions.

“We are not thinking machines that feel, rather, we are feeling machines that think.” – Antonio Damasio

The 2020 theme of identity continues and once again I find myself thinking and writing about the value in putting a check on our emotions. It is the most common issue arising in my coaching conversations. Strangely even when working on strategy with my executive clients, this pandemic is identifying unique ways emotions are derailing the execution of strategy. I am starting to wonder if the strategy is where the greatest opportunity resides.

In the Kickass Koach podcast episode dropped October 5th, I reflect on how we may benefit from slowing down our thinking and processing and in doing so reduce our reactionary response.

For the newsletter, I point once again to my signature story and how a leader did me the favour of stopping my common response in its track by challenging my approach.

Finally, in this post I focus more specifically on the Antonio Damasio quote.

Thinking and Feeling are in a Dance

Perhaps it is a disjointed dance. In my experience, we’ve collectively decided or accepted that thinking is valued over feeling. Unfortunately this doesn’t mean we seek to improve our thinking or processing skills. Moreover, it doesn’t change the fact we are motivated by belonging, being accepted. Ultimately, feeling and emotions are the major driving force in decision making. Advertisers and social media show us they understand how to manipulate and monetize the evidence of this truth every day. Therefore, the dance requires that we learn new steps to disrupt those who have decided to lead the dance.

We have access to critical thinking. We don’t need to give-in to the steps dictated by others. Human beings strangely prefer to be lead than to step on toes. Perhaps we must concede that we are more vulnerable when we take the role of following the leader blindly. First, we need to accept this possibility. Second, with this awareness we can begin to notice when we are falling prey. Thirdly, reflect on the consequences of just letting it continue. Fourthly, consciously choose whether to allow it to go on or build the skills to think more critically.

The Thinking Machine, who Feels

We value logic over emotion. This is one of the reasons we reject the findings that humans are incredibly biased. We are unconsciously biased. This doesn’t mean we are bad people. It means we are human. As David Rock, Co-founder of NeuroLeadership Institute repeatedly says and writes, “if you have a brain, you are biased.”

My 91 year old mother takes deep offense when I point out her bias. Much like I used to take offense when she corrected my grammar. Her bias is based on her generational up-bringing, life circumstances, and gender. She was an outspoken liberal who championed the rights and freedoms of those less privilege. That changed after my dad died and she got on You Tube. I can’t break through the fog this created, to find her anymore.

One day I heard an opportunity as she started telling one of her many stories.

My mom had kidney cancer the year after my dad died. She felt something was wrong for almost a year until one day my oldest sister took her to Emergency. No one had taken her symptoms seriously for an entire year. My sister wasn’t taking “no” for an answer and in a few weeks they diagnosed a bladder infection. As that was treated and didn’t heal, with pressure from us, they completed more tests. Eventually they discovered bladder cancer. After removing a piece of her bladder, the surgeon spoke with me in post-op informing, me he had biopsied one of her kidneys.

Two weeks later I took her in for the surgery to remove a kidney. The Surgeon told me they were lucky to get it just before it was likely to spread. She tells this story often. She typically adds her outrage that my dad just needed to say once that he wasn’t well and the doctor’s believed him but she had to keep pushing for years.

This is systemic bias. This is the result of how we evaluate what appears to be emotional rather than logical.

The Feeling Machine, who Thinks

We want to believe we are thinking machines first but we are not. Humans are feeling machines who happen to think. We benefit from accepting we are moved and informed most by our feelings. However, our capacity to think can help us when we intentionally put it to good use. Bias is the result of the feelings machine, like the story about my mother above. Only when we use our capacity to think can we move above and beyond our biases. And when we do it isn’t easy and it requires attention and intention.

Back to the story about my mother. One day when she was annoyed at me for calling out an unconscious bias I intentionally took her to this story which she was happy to re-tell. When she got to the end of it I asked her, “what is happening in that healthcare system that makes it possible for them to treat you differently from Dad?” She thought about it long and hard and I could tell when she started to see it. Finally she admitted it was because he was a man.

I had the benefit of knowing all her stories. I knew, for example that she put her self through post secondary education by working as an LPN at a mental hospital. She had witnessed how women who were unhappily married or felt constrained by the social system would often be hospitalized and diagnosed with hysteria. She had shared her anger and pain about witnessing this in the 40’s and 50’s. It wasn’t a hard leap for her to recognize that while this bias against women in healthcare has improved, it continued and she had experienced it.

Strangely, we easily see bias and its impact when we experience the worst of it.

It is when seeing it impacting us, we are better able to use our cognitive abilities to see it more readily and act on it more effectively. My mom is 91 so this isn’t going to change her perspective dramatically but I could see how it was meaningful for her to see the point I was making in her own experience rather than simply arguing with me.

Ultimately we can all mine our personal stories the way I mined hers. Look for situations where the human inclination to lead with emotions and judgments out weighs the awareness that is only possible with reflection and intentional thinking. When each and every one of us learns to do this we may be lead by emotion but we are able to become less reactive and more thoughtful. That changes our life and our relationships.

Life is one big Experiment

To value both our emotional drivers and our capacity to think and reason we do best to choose an iterative or experimental approach. Even when in strategic mode, as a consultant, I have learned the power and importance of experimenting and choosing a willingness to shift based on evidence or lessons learned. After all, “when we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.” – Max Planck

Continuous learning and fresh insights are the goal of the experimental approach. What will the evidence teach us? Moreover, this approach is generative in addition to being iterative. With an experimental collaborative approach, we may find progress is faster and we go further. In collaboration we can crack this, but only together with a willingness to learn and honour the data and the stories will we arrive where we seek to go.

We may be capable of more closely monitoring and learning from our choices and decisions and build capacity to adjust our actions to meet the current situation. Then, we may influence how things unfold. There’s a difference between wanting something and making something happen. With the mindset necessary to perform under pressure we’re able to influence results more deeply. This mindset that relies on clarity, curiosity and a resilient spirit we accept no excuses, only meaningful results. Furthermore, it’s essential we learn to evaluate the risk of any action, removing the very human emotions that cloud our judgment.

Walk with me.

Together let’s examine options consciously and authentically to make choices that move us strategically toward where we want to be. Where may client wants to go is my paramount focus. Strategy is a about choices. Execution on these choices requires masterful performance. Furthermore, a well-developed process allows us to enjoy the journey far more fully

Be part of the journey in 2020.

Start by subscribing to my mailing list . Subscribers receive:

My interactive exercise to begin reducing the impacts of stress and feelings of overwhelm will be sent.
My newsletter with the related podcast episode will be sent weekly.
Special offers will be available to subscribers monthly including: a random offer of a complimentary one hour coaching conversation, access to roundtable engagements and group coaching on identity and related subjects, as well as information on an initiative on which I’m collaborating: #FeMasCon.

Bias Blinds so learn to Bank Your Impact (BYI)

Our bias, because of the power of emotions, blinds us especially when we need to see clearly. Moreover, it’s our responsibility to focus on the skills, knowledge and capacities that move us to where we want to be. Learn to mitigate bias by building the skills to limit its power. A career built on the skill of navigating and responding to opportunities as they arise is generative and progressive.

The BYI system helps participants build the strength to engage when challenges appear. It’s an approach focused on identifying options, making wise choices and committing to influencing desired outcomes. Furthermore, it takes a systematic and experiential approach to influence the outcomes we produce. Moreover, becoming aware of who we are being and how it produces the results in our life is a consequence of the choices we made and how we execute on those choices. Ultimately, creating the life we want starts with the actions we choose to take.

To get what we truly want in life, we need to be willing to persist, seek help, and continually look for transferable learning opportunities. Additionally, we need to be willing to question our choices and expand our options through healthy curiosity and a search for unique perspectives. Moreover, identifying and nurturing our identity is the place to start. A healthy meaningful and full life is made possible with clarity about our values, beliefs, patterns and habits. Additionally, our quality of life is influenced and shaped by our unique blend of strengths and inclinations. Undoubtedly, a growth mindset and open-minded approach are foundations to sustaining this healthy sense of self.

The System

The Bank Your Impact (BYI) System is about both developing and embedding self-awareness. Furthermore, the benefits of expanded resilience, connections built on understanding the impact of belonging and an ability to bolster a professional and authentic presence are foundational. Perhaps more than the other two, developing a foundational resilience is critical to with standing that which moves us into burnout.

The current system incorporates 1:1 coaching, roundtable conversations; eventually I’ll add a neuro-social learning experience (currently only available in organizational contracts but will be added to the system for individual engagement in 2021). My approach is based on the ICF (International Coaching Federation) standards. I’m meeting you (my clients) where you are, both as the coaching agreement begins, and in the moment that exists at the time of each conversation. Progress or growth is not a straight line. The ICA model is the framework for every conversation: Issue/Insight, Choice/Commitment, Action/Accountability. Over the past year I’ve been tightening the model to meet the needs of my clients.

Holding space to support my clients in:

Developing meaningful insights
Expanding/deepening perspective on those insights
Building/designing a practice to try on new ways of being/seeing OR experiment for discovery
Assessing progress, becoming agile in transfer of learning and application before developing additional insights

An organic experience

The experience is tailored around what you bring to each conversation, in my experience, there are common themes that arise including: self-awareness, mindfulness, mindset, communication, connections, and attitude. Self-awareness stands alone but is also a foundational theme. I have registered upwards of 40 sub-concepts that fit under each of these categories. Furthermore, I bring tools, skills and techniques to respond and guide our work together, informed by positive psychology, neuroscience, and management/leadership research.

Walk With Me, to Where You Want to Be

In all my blog posts in 2019, you will find this section outlines what brought me to this area of focus: supporting people in the early to middle part of their career as a #performance #coach.

You can read more about my work and my in the About Me section of the website and below is a recording of my #bigwhystory:

Feel like you’re living someone else’s destiny?

If that’s working for you, great. If it isn’t or it starts to be a problem, reach out. I welcome a conversation.

Willing to do the work to find more meaning?

With the skills to unpack the emotions and barriers and triggers and mindset challenges with the skills in my BYI system, participants begin to see the impact in their career and finally begin to discover what matters most to them. The bonus: they begin to see a path to get there. Join me… My system is intended to be meaningful, relevant, accessible and affordable. With that in mind, there are many ways to engage with me. Below are TWO ways to start, without spending a dime.

Walk with Me!

BOOK a complimentary exploratory 1:1 conversation 20-30 minutes.
SUBSCRIBE to my mailing list. You’ll receive an interactive exercise that you may use to reduce and manage stress or feelings of overwhelm. PLUS each week you’ll receive my podcast and reflections in your inbox AND you’ll be invited to monthly webinars and roundtable conversations.

In closing, I love bringing learning experiences to workplaces that are interested in raising their performance and encouraging their people.

Book me to speak at your conference or to a group in your organization. My workshops on building resilience, improving workplace outcomes through relationships, and increasing performance are big hits! In 2020 I’ve added a few workshops on gender engagement – how, by knocking off the boxes that limit us by gender we all find our capacity expands.

Feeling Machines Who Think