Intensity Rocks

It’s a lovely and exciting feeling. Essentially, intensity is a natural high. When we think about our childhood or we watch children experience the highs and lows of intensity, we get a better sense of how much we all enjoy and sometimes crave heightened experiences. This reflection or observation is also one of the ways to begin to understand the impact when it is under or over done in any experience.

Intensity, in fact, rocks in a positive way, stimulating our senses and energy. It also rocks us to our core by overwhelming our senses. In earlier themes I explored self-regulation and I recommend it as an invaluable life and career skill. Self-regulation is most useful when one starts with a deep sense of self-awareness. From there one can establish a set of precepts or standards by which to frame their intentions. The regulation starts when establishing a benchmark and means to evaluate adherence to the standards. Lastly, it is important to incorporate a plan or system to evaluate and adjust behaviour appropriately. The right level of intensity or stimulation is so important to living a generative and purposeful life.

Intensity on Over-drive

For purposes of this post I will focus on the experience of over-drive on the three brains. In case a reminder of what each of the brains incorporates is needed: the head brain (cognitive function); heart brain (the resonating component that impacts feelings); and the gut brain (the intuitive or physical manifestation or reaction to an experience). Of course they all communicate to and within the head brain but very differently. Reactions to intensity may be one of the most obvious ways to see this.

When on over-drive, intensity on the cognitive/head brain will muddle the thinking. This means erroneous connections appear more stable and deep meaningful connections can be missed. The result is weak or flawed decision making.

In the heightened state, the heart brain will race uncontrollably. This can result in clouded feelings and an inability to either recognize boundaries or the need for healthy boundaries. The result is weak or flawed choices or connections with people or ideas.

An intense or extended natural high will affect the gut or body brain as well. For some it will result in physical illness often manifesting in stomach cramps or, at the extreme, regurgitation. For others it will manifest in other parts of the body while directly related to the gut. In most reported cases it is in the hips, the intestines or bowel, and the lower back. Ultimately it will locate itself in the weakest part of the person’s body. The result is rash or instinctive behaviours based on patterns or deeply held biases.

Intensity Unrealized

My clients aren’t typically people who have unrealized intensity. I often see the crash after the heightened experience though. To illustrate my point, I’ll share one client’s observations of her team. In fact, we’ll use the client I mention in the podcast (Sharon). She recognized her intensity was toxic to her team, driving them into low intensity.

When intensity is unrealized, similar behaviours occur, as described above under over-drive. They simply manifest a bit differently. Sharon initially described her team as undisciplined, unmotivated employees who needed their hands held to make the most basic decisions. When she recognized it may be a reaction to her leadership, she made some thoughtful changes.  I found the detailed descriptions of this team fascinating, but not surprising. Using the three brains again, I’ll share some of her observations below.

Cognitively, in the head brain, the employees made countless errors in basic assessments. Sharon spent hours going through their work, fixing mistakes. She expressed confusion about this, relating that the worst offenders previously proved they’re capacity to perform well, so she was baffled by how to support them.

Sharon also reported lethargy in meetings and a lack of energy or engagement. She described how strange it was when one day a verbal battle ensued over something that seemed trivial to her. This over-reaction is related to the heart brain feeling under valued in its low energy state.

I was intrigued to learn about the team’s use of sick days, even unpaid sick days, which is much higher than the company average. I recall this came out when Sharon commented that perhaps the low energy wasn’t about her being toxic at all but because her team was simply a physically disadvantaged group.

Mastering Intensity

Because intensity is another double-edged sword it requires finesse. Mastering it means finding the right mix. As the feature image depicts, based on the Yerkes Dodson law, performance increases with physiological and mental arousal. The trick is to find the sweet spot. Just the right amount of stimulation. It’s a perfect place for each of us to build and practice, an experimental approach. What can be injected to increase stimulation? What can be rejected to ensure the heightened sense is just right?

There isn’t one answer for each one of us. This is why I was attracted to coaching when a former employee contacted me eight years ago to tell me about her experience, encouraging me to consider building a practice. The trick is, in areas such as this, to work on self-awareness while building a deep appreciation for our own needs and healthy responses to the shared human experience.

Purpose

In my newsletter I share how I crashed after my dad died. I also outline how by realizing I had a purpose to honour my dad in the writing and delivery of his eulogy, I rebounded effectively. Reflecting on this experience I realized how often when working with clients, it is in the discovery of purpose that we are able to increase intensity in a healthy way.

Find a purpose that lifts and motivates.

Live with meaning at the centre of each day.

With the ability to remain purpose or meaning centric, people are able to lift their intensity up even in the darkest of moments.

Breathing

When living a purpose-driven or meaning-inspired life, intensity comes almost naturally however that’s also when having a system to keep it in check is wise. Many of my clients build meditation, exercise (including yoga and pilates) or journaling practices. At a very basic level, accessing deep diaphragmatical breathing is easy and central. There is also square breathing for those who need a system to apply breathe work. It is exactly as it sounds. Counting out four sides of the square. We’ll use the count of six. While counting to six, take in a deep breath, into the depths of your belly. Hold it for the identical count of six. Then, again counting to six, push the breath out again. Pause for a count of six. Now repeat.

Moving a Mountain

When I decided on this theme and I heard myself say the phrase…intensity moves mountains, I realized this limiting belief has sometimes taken me to unhealthy intensity. Then I recognized that to truly move a mountain, you need sustainable intensity which requires balance. Hence the title incorporating taking a breath as the means or method, along with intensity. The harnessing of intensity, perhaps.

While my earlier story emphasizes how striking the right balance helps inspire people to follow leaders, a different memory flashed when I found myself reflecting on intensity in childhood. It is a different perspective on intensity than the rest of my stories this week but I feel compelled to share it. Childhood is a time where we learn often from the extremes. It seems to me the adults are responsible for ensuring the lessons take hold and that the extremes required to learn them are limited carefully. The young man in my story didn’t have enough adults in his life to limit them, most of the time.

A Story…

In the 80’s and 90’s, I volunteered with Big Sisters. My first match was a 14-year-old girl who taught me about the impacts of growing up in an emotionally volatile home. When she graduated to friend, I sought another match. I was asked to match with a 6 year old boy in Big Sister’s Little Buddies program. These were boys who couldn’t find a match through Big Brother’s. Greg, not his real name, and I started with three-hour visits once per week. He was shy and docile. I couldn’t get him to talk or even play with me at the park. He was so anxious, I didn’t want to take him far from home, so the adventures I’d planned didn’t materialize.

One day I asked his mother if Greg could stay the weekend. Perhaps more extended time would make a difference. She happily agreed. Packing his bag, she forgot his Ritalin pills. I was totally unaware.

We quietly enjoyed a healthy dinner and movie Friday evening. He remained reserved and largely unresponsive. The next morning, I woke-up to a gregarious and energetic little boy. We spent the day walking by the creek and searching for the best playgrounds. Sunday he was even more the ball of fun. I was shocked but assumed it was just the result of extended time together.

Greg was finding his sweet spot, with healthy food in and Ritalin slowly draining from his body. I didn’t learn about the Ritalin for a year and arranged many weekends visits during that year. We had the best experiences, going to Canada’s Wonderland and Jay’s games at Exhibition Stadium, and even the second weekend after Skydome opened. He was a loving, caring and sweet-tempered child who was hungry for healthy intensity.

BYI System

Starting this week I intend to add a short section in each post to outline briefly how the weekly theme aligns with my overall system.

Intensity is neither a core concept or even a specific sub-component. However it is deeply a part of the program in a few key ways. First of all it relates to each of the three Key Benefits in unique ways. Resilience is built by blending passion, purpose and persistence. This combination is fraught with opportunities for intensity to be a requirement and a detriment. Belonging is such a driving force in the human condition, feeling the pressure to build and maintain the experience of belonging is often overwhelming and exacerbates intensity when poorly managed.  The foundation of presence is a healthy degree of internal intensity.

Intensity while an element of many sub-components including explanatory styles, patterns and even healthy optimism, it is  essential to one of the foundations: the three brains. One model that speaks deeply to intensity is NLI’s SCARF which examines how the human brain reacts to threats and rewards.

Essentially, finding optimal levels of performance, which is related to monitoring and adjusting one’s intensity, is a desired outcome of my system and my approach to working with my clients.