Nuance…looking for shade

Nuance is that element, that upon appearing into view, offers the gift of insight and knowledge, ultimately resulting in meaningful awareness. Because it’s nuanced though, it often takes some time before landing in clarity. Perhaps it’s because we’ve become lazy in our thinking? Nevertheless, it doesn’t take a lot of work to start noticing and appreciating nuance. It actually feels pretty good when we do!

Nuance is lost on most

In this week’s newsletter I share a story about hearing a leader take a nuanced approach to a difficult situation. WARNING, I know it’s a controversial issue and it’s not my intention to offend anyone. In this week’s podcast, I take a quicker more straightforward approach at examining nuance. Don’t forget to find my video post from November 21st on Instagram. The fun story’s about a child realizing what nuance is.

Nuance in language

Nuanced language may sometimes feel tricky. Joking with a friend in the gym the other day, the nuance I intended, didn’t land well. My friend commented about taking an Uber to her office when her husband had the car.  I laughed and said, “you plutocrat!” At first she laughed too, then she asked what it meant. Remembering it as a word my mother used to tease us when we were children, I defined it as, “a choice that sets you apart or above others.” She seemed to take it well and agreed that this was a form of self-care. Continuing on, doing our own routine until a few minutes later she came over to me saying, “I felt judged by what you said and I am not okay with it.” I was shocked. While I remained calm, I didn’t know what she was expecting from me. I finally said,  “I know you know you own your own feelings; it’s important to me that you also know I didn’t intend to offend. It was a good-natured comment my mom would say to us as kids. I was just teasing you in what I thought was a loving approach.” From my observation, my response wasn’t enough; the nuance of my initial comment and my explanation wasn’t enough to sooth her feelings.

Nuance is often an expression of our personality and when people don’t appreciate or connect with our style or approach, it can cause hard-feelings. I’m not advocating for you to let go of responsibility for the nuance you bring to communication. First of all, it’s also the part of our communication that adds feelings and tone and builds connection and meaning. Perhaps you have to either be prepared to explain your nuance or choose to only express it when people know you well enough to enjoy it or appreciate it. And when it doesn’t “land” you have to decide whether to apologize or let it go.

Nuance in thinking and ideas

Nuance in thinking is critical to good decision making. This can be very hard for many leaders. Just the same, you’ll find that by nurturing your natural curiosity and inviting diverse perspectives, your comfort with nuance will be growing constantly. It’s very easy to fall into lazy thinking; often you won’t realize it until it becomes a dastardly habit. One that can be hard to break!

What would make nuance in ideas valuable? Ideas by there very nature are nebulous. They are not yet processes or practices or proven entities. They are simply ideas so not fully formed, yet! Being comfortable at the idea stage will help you be more creative so bringing ideas to fruition long term will deliver a more positive impact. When you need it to be very concrete too soon in the process, you’re sure to kill the most colorful potential of any idea.

Nuance in Decision Making

Good decision making is a tied to the quality of your thinking. Unfortunately, that with this connection the chances of the two clashing is high. When making decisions, it’s often more comfortable to stick to facts. Unfortunately we interpret facts through a series of filters AND when unchecked, these filters contain a lot of bias. Becoming comfortable with nuance allows you to ask a broader set of questions. These questions then open up new insights and, if you are wise, more perspectives. Those who are uncomfortable with nuance find themselves getting more caught in group think or tunnel vision.

I’ve shared stories in past posts about a client who found himself constantly firing millennials. He had left a large accounting firm where he was a partner, to start his own firm to focus on supporting NFP (not-for-profit) entities. One day an ED in one of these agencies complained to him that a junior accountant had not been thorough or responsive in the way she expected. My client reported to me that he planned to fire this young woman for failing to serve his client well. He was angry when he asked to process it with me. We dug into the nuance of the situation and quite quickly he realized she’d only been respecting the letter of the law he had established for her. He came to understand she couldn’t read his mind and the nuance between the firm dictates because he had failed to share it effectively. He not only pulled back from firing her but in the past 3 years he has found her to be an invaluable resource for himself and clients.

How We Can Walk together…