In the Kickass Koach podcast episode dropped Monday, I discuss how this theme relates to the revelations of abusive coaching in the #NHL and hockey in general.
For the newsletter I examine it from another angle related to women in business being coached to behave from their inner-masculine to get along and make an impact.
In the weekly Instagram and LinkedIn videos I emphasize how we offer a warning about falling prey to this in your career or business venture.
Finally in this post I struggle with the question of how systems and structures fail to put people first and in doing so fail us all, even those in the driver’s seat.
Systems Fail to put People First
Everything we accomplish we do through people. Unfortunately these accomplishments do not always serve the needs of people. At least, not most people. As a coach I support people as they navigate unhealthy cultures. As a performance consultant I seek to be a catalyst for growth and change in unhealthy cultures.
Engaging people is of core importance for a system to be successful. Most organizations and even schools and families have failed to fully engage. Unfortunately, it is the social media giants who’ve figured out how to manipulate this and they fully exploit the power of engaging people to serve their ends.
My question about changing the water rather than treating the fish is intended to provoke thought about how we change the conversation about our systems in order to put people first.
Systems are often developed to drive efficiency and increase value. Unfortunately, they are often created in meetings or in back rooms where the impact on people is rarely fully considered. Many impacted stake holders are not invited to engage. When stakeholders force their voices onto the stage, as my story below reminds us, it is often met with negative consequences.
Are we willing and ready to change the water? It will require the attention, efforts and dedication of a critical mass of people. We are close but we are not there yet.
A story…
On December 6,1989 14 young women, engineering students at École Polytechnique in Montreal were separated from their male classmates and systematically shot dead (one was stabbed) because they were women who dared to step into a profession deemed to be masculine and therefore limited to men.
The gunman’s notes demonstrated his intent. He had a specific target list and he stated clearly that he needed to send a message to feminists who had ruined his life. After demanding the men leave, he told the women in the classroom he would be sending them back to their maker. It was a message to all feminists who dared to seek a seat at the table.
Assuming every woman in the room was now dead, the killer stepped out in the hallway and shot women, mostly students, as he charged the hallways. It was an act of terror. He was putting women in their place and reminding us that our greatest fear is that men will kill us.
Systems and Structures Fail Everyone
Systems and structures don’t fail us just because they exist. They fail us because they serve the decision makers and powerful exclusively. This isn’t sustainable.
Perhaps we need to see failed systems in the context of structural violence, failing everyone. Structural violence refers to the ways our social structures harm individuals. These social structures appear to be benign, described as normal. Furthermore, we fail to even see the source of the problem. It is hidden from view, or obscured by rhetoric. Meaningful accountability feels near impossible, because this level of violence or discrimination doesn’t have a face. Real change feels distant and hopeless without the ability to assign responsibility or accountability.
In time, though, structures that serve a select few are not sustainable. These structures or systems are certainly not healthy. When people see the injustice for what it is, change may happen quickly. Of course it appears quick when we choose to forget all the hard won battles that came before. We need a critical mass of people for us to shift the thinking in an organization, a family or a society. Malcolm Gladwell called it the Tipping Point. Are we there yet? No, but “yet” is the important word to give hope.
Whether in a family, organization or society, these structures are embedded in our social world and difficult to shake. We must all commit, even in our own small way, to be part of the world we wish for our self and our neighbours.
Story continued…
Today we mark this tragedy. For thirty years many have begged that the institutions of power in our country recognize that this was not simply an issue of a deranged man. It is the result of structures, a system, our culture, that views women as second-rate, not disposable exactly, but relegated to roles assigned by men in power.
A survivor from that classroom of horror the afternoon (5 PM EST) December 6, 1989 spoke again about what is needed. She has lost belief, given the lack of movement, but she has not lost hope.
30 years have passed and we still have a long way to go. Still one in three women and girls experience sexual violence of some form in a progressive country like Canada. We have grown since December 6th, 1989 but we have a lot to learn from that experience.
30 years have passed and the most clear calls to action from the survivors and the families of those who died have gone unheeded. As a Canadian I am disgusted with our lack of commitment to action. Let’s get it done before another year passes.
2 Obvious Examples of Structural Violence in our Midst…
This year the proudly progressive province of Quebec enacted a law that discriminates (structural violence) against people, mostly women, for religious expression in their clothing. It puts a target on the backs of these women. It may be a misguided attempt to reduce the subjugation of women in the name of religion. Regardless of the intention of men and systems in this law, it is structural violence and has no place in a progressive society.
The Canadian Federal government has taken indigenous people to court to fight a Human Rights ruling that issued a finding and a fine in response to the residential school horrors that have only begun to be recognized as structural violence in recent years. This is now structural violence on structural violence.
We have a lot to learn. Each one of us needs to commit to becoming educated in the systems that hold people back or advantage some over others. I support tearing them down. That said, get started by becoming aware of them when we see them. It is like mold in our homes, if we don’t look for it and deal with it quickly it can be deadly. I hope that when we all start to see it more clearly we will ACT to make it right.
Systems Fail Us – self-awareness saves us so Bank Your Impact (BYI)
Systems fail us. It is up to each of us to be more aware of when to require the water be changed rather than joining the bandwagon seeking to toss out the fish. To get what we truly want in life we need to be willing to seek help and take risks. We also need to willing to question our choices and expand our options through healthy curiosity and a search for unique perspectives.
A healthy meaningful and full life is made possible with clarity about our values, beliefs, patterns and habits. Additionally, our quality of life is influenced and shaped by our unique blend of strengths and inclinations. Furthermore, a growth mindset and open-minded approach are foundations to sustaining this healthy sense of self.
The System
The Bank Your Impact (BYI) System is about both developing and embedding self-awareness. Furthermore, the benefits of expanded resilience, connections built on understanding the impact of belonging and an ability to bolster a professional and authentic presence are foundational. Perhaps more than the other two, developing a foundational resilience is critical to with standing that which moves us into burnout.
The current system incorporates 1:1 coaching, roundtable conversations; eventually I’ll add a neuro-social learning experience (currently only available in organizational contracts but will be added to the system for individual engagement in 2021).
My approach is based on the ICF (International Coaching Federation) standards. I’m meeting you (my clients) where you are, both as the coaching agreement begins, and in the moment that exists at the time of each conversation. Progress or growth is not a straight line. The ICA model is the framework for every conversation: Issue/Insight, Choice/Commitment, Action/Accountability. Over the past year I’ve been tightening the model to meet the needs of my clients.
Holding space to support my clients in:
- Developing meaningful insights
- Expanding/deepening perspective on those insights
- Building/designing a practice to try on new ways of being/seeing OR experiment for discovery
- Assessing progress, becoming agile in transfer of learning and application before developing additional insights
An organic experience
The experience is tailored around what you bring to each conversation, in my experience, there are common themes that arise including: self-awareness, mindfulness, mindset, communication, connections, and attitude. Self-awareness stands alone but is also a foundational theme. I have registered upwards of 40 sub-concepts that fit under each of these categories. Furthermore, I bring tools, skills and techniques to respond and guide our work together, informed by positive psychology, neuroscience, and management/leadership research.
Walk With Me, to Where You Want to Be
In April 2018, I was struck by, what felt like, a call of purpose; an insight of sorts. It inspired me to shift the focus of my practice. I’m now walking with 30 somethings. People who are at a pivotal spot in life and career. Whether THERE by age or spirit, I want to walk with people at this place in their life. This is a time in life when we are natural SEEKERS. We’re ready to do some self exploration & find the real meaning of our life? It is also a time when we are more likely to get stuck and make poor choices.
The research suggests people embrace their inner REBEL during their 20’s (the most rebellious after the toddler days in fact). If you are passive in your 20’s you will want to get curious about that too! Most of us slip quietly and comfortably though into ACCOMMODATOR in our 30’s. This documented pattern grabbed my attention and my mission was made clear. Moreover, I’m intent on resurfacing, or igniting, that inner rebel, whose perspective, now shaped with more experience, may offer insights many typically miss when insight and awareness matter most.
In June 2018 I took a course in story telling. I was intent on finding my “Big Why” to help me understand my purpose for shifting my practice. Ultimately, I landed on my story. It spans from my childhood, with a pivotal point in my early 20’s finally culminating in a significant career turning-point at the age of 37. This story revealed an unhealthy pattern while illuminating my new purpose. In fact, I feel motivated when remembering the moment of insight because this transition is difficult. Ultimately though, it adds meaning to my work. Listen below…
Feel like you’re living someone else’s destiny?
If that’s working for you, great. If it isn’t or it starts to be a problem, reach out. I welcome a conversation.
Willing to do the work to find more meaning?
With the skills to unpack the emotions and barriers and triggers and mindset challenges with the skills in my BYI system, participants begin to see the impact in their career and finally begin to discover what matters most to them. The bonus: they begin to see a path to get there. Join me…
My system is intended to be meaningful, relevant, accessible and affordable. With that in mind, there are many ways to engage with me. Below find THREE ways to get started, without spending a dime.
Walk with Me!
- REGISTERfor an ASK ROX RoundTable… TWO LIVE 50 minute engagements available at your desk or phone – the second Tuesday and the last Friday of every month – limited to 12 participants in each and FREE in 2019.
- BOOK a complimentary exploratory 1:1 conversation 20-30 minutes.
- SUBSCRIBE to my mailing list from my home page, receive an interactive exercise helping you cope with stress, and a weekly reflection.
In closing, I’d love to bring my work to your team or workplace, so:
- Book me to speak at your conference or to a group in your organization. My workshops on building resilience, improving workplace outcomes through relationships, and increasing performance are big hits!8