Engagement feels great and yet so few of you join the party. Why is that the case? AND, when might it make sense to stay clear?
What are Barriers to Engagement & What’s Keeping You From Engaging?
Workplaces clearly perform better when the majority of people engage fully. So why and how are so many failing to create the cultures that allow that to happen? In this week’s podcast episode I talk about my informal poll and what young people I’m working with have said to me. I also share three of the 12 questions Buckingham identifies in his book “First, Break All the Rules” as the clues to solving the engagement gap. AND YET the needle isn’t moving. What’s the major barrier? It appears to me it is largely a lack of #selfawareness in managers that results in insecurity that creates patterns of abuse, neglect or perhaps worse, inconsistency.
Engagement: First, Break All the Rules
Engagement Brought down by Insecurity
Feelings of insecurity are huge. I’m not a psychologist so I’m limiting my comments to my observations as a leader, a facilitator of leadership skills and a human being. While just scratching the surface in this post, as I mention in the podcast episode, I plan to build a workshop around Engagement later in 2019. It’ll dig into both the barriers to engagement and the skills that can help every individual rise above it. In my workshops I dig deeper than my own observations and we explore models and research to support related knowledge and build skills.
Leaders or managers who are insecure create havoc in workplaces. One way they accomplish this is by pitting people against each other when competition isn’t the best strategy. They’re falling into this because it some how insulates them from fault. HOW? Well by pitting team members against each other, the manager becomes the arbiter of who’s winning and who’s not so everyone is seeking the managers favor rather than honestly and fully engaging in achieving the goals. This is great for the manager’s ego AND creates the zero-sum game for all direct reports, keeping them on their toes.
Engagement Brought Down by Abuse
Insecurity, whether playing out in unhealthy competitive environments or in other forms, often turns abusive. When a person is granted positional power, when lacking even the most modest levels of self-awareness, feelings of overwhelm accompanied by the pressure to prove one’s worth become central in the experience. Without the ability to self-assess or apply self-regulating techniques, a manager can mistake their bad behaviour as justified or earned, turning their demands for adherence by others into a right of some sort.
One of the worst examples of this I witnessed (and I have many to choose from) came from a young man I had a hand in promoting to the role of technical trainer. Soon after a reorganization that shifted the training function at the entry level to report up into a different department, he was promoted to Training Manager. I doubt my team would have supported that move because of a few observations and concerns that had trickled up to my desk even before the reorganization.
A Short Story for You…
One day, after one of the managers in the department that reported up to me approved the request of an analyst in our department to interview for a position in technical training, the drama unfolded. I learned of it at the end of the day when a senior member of my team and his direct report (who was the woman’s manager) caught me in the parking lot. They anxiously told me about the story they had just heard. (Ultimately it was confirmed to be true that this young manager had, when left alone with our young analyst in the middle of the interview, propositioned her. Finding himself free to do as he wished, he leaned over, saying something like, “Come on A, just open your blouse and let me have a nice long look at your lovely tits AND I will support your candidacy for this position.”) Inserting myself into the investigation, I learned the details. It became quite clear to me that this abuse of power was directly related to the insecurity this young man felt about his role and his place in the world.
I could offer more dramatic examples of advocating for or witnessing or directly experiencing abuse in the workplace that NOW as I look back was all related to the manager’s insecurities and damaging lack of self-awareness. So many have come to light specifically as they relate to sexual harassment and the #MeToo movement but my instincts tell me it is far bigger and broader than we will ever understand AND it is hurting people, our society, our organizations and our world in ways we seemingly will never fully appreciate.
Engagement Brought down by Neglect
After writing about abuse this seems tame and inconsequential but it is NOT. Insecure managers are failing to develop, coach and challenge those who report to them. WHY? Because when you lack self-awareness and self-regulation skills you find it difficult to engage people in constructive ways. Some managers dealing with this may try to abide by the performance management systems of their workplaces for a period after being promoted but they soon find ways around it. WHY? Well it’s too hard. When you don’t practice the necessary skills to communicate in a way that both uplifts and motivates toward change, you tend to focus on the reaction rather than how to productively guide a healthy conversation. This also results in managers failing to see their part in triggering the reaction in the first place. As a result, even initially well-intentioned managers who haven’t done the work to be #selfaware will ultimately limit themselves to going through the motions rather than fully and warmly engaging their direct reports in development. This hurts every stakeholder involved.
Engagement Brought down by Inconsistency
This may feel like the least of the examples of how insecurity in a leader can be manifested. I know in the opening I suggested it may be the worst. You may wonder how I could suggest it is worse than the other two. Perhaps not in the most dramatic cases but this one is most common and pernicious.
Of course abuse and failing to invest in and support the development of direct reports at first seem really big in comparison. HOWEVER, inconsistency in a manager is a bit “Crazy-Making” and is harder to address in many ways. When you do not know where you stand or what is expected of you, the lack of knowing will push our brains to make things up and typically the stories we tell ourselves are worse than the reality. You can see how when an insecure leader either holds all the power close to the chest OR is inconsistent in the delivery of feedback, information or messages, a team of direct reports will resort to their own devices. This approach by a managers actually fuels the need for the other two impacts noted above.
This challenge put on engagement goes beyond lack of communication. Sometimes it shows up in cognitive dissonance. Saying one thing but doing another which can be even more confusing and confounding to employees. Like the other two, it results in a lack of trust and a level of confusion and chaos that tears teams and individuals apart.
It becomes clear as you consider the impact of insecurity in leaders or managers, that it is deeply troubling to the health and well-being of an organization AND the people it employs.
What can YOU Do in Response?
I’m not painting a pretty picture AND so far I have mirrored what many of you have experienced with a manager or leader. I AM NOT TAKING YOU OFF THE HOOK THOUGH. Choosing to be engaged is still YOUR best choice. How you make it happen is up to you and you may want to work with a coach to navigate it. I will offer a few suggestions below.
- #Dothework to become more #selfaware. This will not only help you deal with your manager today, it’ll help throughout your life.
- Build up your skills to be resilient in the face of the barriers noted above. There are actually bits of knowledge and skill that will help.
- Define and become really clear on your values. If you haven’t don’t work on values, it’s time and it’s worthwhile work.
- Learn how to live in #GrowthMindset This may be the hardest, at least to maintain but a coach can help with all 4 of these.
What May Be a Reason NOT to Engage
My comments here might surprise you because I’m not giving anyone cover to disengage or pull back in the workplace but rather I’m making a case for you to step it up for your own sake. I’m not suggesting you sell out on your values or dreams or unique authentic identities. To the contrary, when you work with me you’ll find I encourage you to use that – your unique blend, made up of these things and more is what makes up your SUPER-POWER. When you learn to leverage it well, it is your signature. Your MAGIC. The key is to build the skills necessary to put it to great use.
As long as the workplace IS a SAFE place, AND I CAN’T STRESS THIS CAVEAT ENOUGH, you owe it to yourself to engage and engage until they won’t let you engage anymore. It matters how you engage though so instead of running job to job consider #doingthework to learn everything you can in the workplace you may be hating now so that you soak up everything they have to give along with your salary. If the workplace comes around and values what you’ve done the opportunities will abound. If they don’t, you still got everything you could from the experience because you didn’t let yourself down.
Being fully engaged is so much more enriching in your life than obstructing or being apathetic. Get on the ball and get engaged, AND if you are already within the 13%, do what you can to invite others to the party. The more the merrier for us all.
When you choose to stay and #dothework, consider reaching out to me. Below you see all the ways I can help from my free ASK ROX Roundtables to my workshops to my digital coaching programs.
How Can I Help You Engage?
YOU are worth the investment.
I have some experience with disengaging. Listen to my BIG WHY Story on the services pages to hear what I learned.
Are you someone who just knows you can do great things but you just haven’t found your voice or your way in?
Do you struggle to feel valued in your workplace AND you just know when you figure it out, you will make a difference?
What needs to happen for you to feel truly satisfied with your career and where it is going?
ARE YOU CURIOUS TO FIND OUT WHAT YOU ARE MADE OF AND HOW TO MAKE IT WORK FOR YOU?
Great – check out the upcoming workshop – “Resilience: it takes GRIT”. It’s affordable and very engaging. Learn more…
- on my website in the services section
- and register by checking out the Eventbrite page
- by registering for an ASK ROX RoundTable coming soon – it’s FREE OF CHARGE.
- Register for 1:1 or group coaching with me. Learn more on the related services page.
- Contact me to arrange a complimentary exploratory conversation
- Book me to speak at your conference or to a group in your organization.