Experience can be golden if you are willing to dig through the treasure.
Life offers more powerful lessons to those focused on growing and expanding their self-awareness, even making mistakes, than to those simply trying to prove something to them self or the world. Your life is worth living with passion and grit.
This week’s theme of mindful experience is essentially building on last week’s focus on wisdom. In the podcast episode I emphasize the importance of being present in moments even as you are assessing how your participation contributes. My point in the newsletter is about learning through the experience of others. Perhaps this is a self-serving point, given the work I do with those in their 30’s :). The weekly video (dropped on LinkedIn/Instagram on February 27th) challenges you against being a spectator in life while recording events for your social media feed. Remember the van attack on Yonge Street in Toronto, April 2018? This blog post is my way of bringing the theme altogether by exploring what it means to be a healthy observer and living mindful experience. I share two stories to strengthen my point before outlining a few things you can think about and do differently.
Healthy Observer
Building a practice of noticing or experimenting with what it means to be aware, not only of what’s happening around you or to you, but what’s happening within you, requires sustained effort. It’s emotionally draining most of the time and it’s significantly satisfying periodically. Interestingly, with expanded awareness, your levels of satisfaction expand and grow also. However, you’ll find a mindfulness practice is not for the faint of heart. While I started in my 20’s and the skills and habits I developed supported some of my struggles in my 30’s, helping me ultimately emerge with significant progress in my career, I allowed my disciplined practice to wain in my 40’s. Picking it back up in my 50’s has opened my world but it’s been difficult. What stage of career and life are you in? Are you mindfully choosing the disciplined practices that are supporting the life you want?
The healthy observer is one who recognizes the value of being fully present in every moment, able to adjust and flow with where a situation or experience needs to go. Moreover, this healthy observer is capable of reflecting on situations or experiences in an effort to learn without falling into the trap of blame and shame. Almost every client I’ve worked with for any period of time has had to confront their inner critic (IC). It is so common, I’ve developed an interactive exercise to support clients. Your IC, when left to its own devices, unsupervised and unchecked, is not a responsible companion in this effort. Regardless, building a healthy disciplined practice of expanding your awareness is essential to living a mindful and meaningful life.
Mindful Experience
What is mindfulness? I recall hearing the term and reading Ellen Langer’s research in my 30’s. This was years after my cancer diagnosis. In fact, I believe I was introduced to her work a year before I was declared cancer-free. I was a bit of a mindfulness evangelist in those days, as a result of my experience. Along with partners, I’d built and expanded a wellness centre. This was in the 90’s so wellness was new! After we expanded to our second location, being Director of Operations wasn’t enough of a challenge anymore. I approached my partners about adding an organization consulting component. Slowly contracts developed – first with provincial government departments and WSIB. Then, an opportunity to craft an experience for the banking industry at the Chamber of Commerce came to us, opening my eyes to the transformative power of mindfulness work.
Interestingly this event, exposing a pragmatic buttoned-up group of people to mindfulness practices and principles, became an experiment in itself with applying a mindful experience. It impacts my leadership and now coaching practice tremendously. Being mindful is one of those concepts that seems so simple on the surface, but is quite deep and perhaps even profound. The simplest definition of being mindful is being present; being aware of your surroundings, your thoughts, your feelings at any given moment. As a coach I practice mindful listening and my clients report that when they work on being more mindful of how they are behaving, feeling and engaging with others they are both capable of performing at a higher level AND enjoying the journey.
Three Quick Stories/Examples of Mindful Experience…
Life Long Learning
I talk about my experience with the Enneagram in this week’s podcast episode. In the episode my point is about how I learned the significance of using each and every one of my strengths mindfully, rather than on what those strengths are. Another broader lesson I learned, evolved out of engaging with the Enneagram, a Pythagorean-based model initially developed through the teachings of Guridjieff in the 19th century. Essentially, it focused on mindful self-awareness.
I chose to learn the Enneagram in the way it was originally intended: the oral tradition. This meant exploring and discussing in a group setting, discovering where you started in the moving model. Your starting point is key to applying this model. I was convinced I started at 6. It just fit. The instructor, a typically mindful and very experienced practitioner, encouraged me to stay in the search longer. I started to feel annoyed by his persistence. Suddenly he was angry with me and to everyone’s surprise blurted, “Roxanne, you’re an 8. You need to be more self-aware. How do I know you’re an 8? I’m afraid of 8’s so I recognize them immediately.” I resisted, as an 8 does, but ultimately, he was right. While he stepped out of his intended role in my learning, he taught me a lesson that has continued to impact my learning practice, serving me well.
Reminder
About a year ago I returned from an extended European vacation. It was a glorious opportunity for adventure, self-reflection, meeting people from all over the world and revisiting favourite destinations and exploring new. I intended and possibly even promised to take and post a lot of pictures. I gave up on that quite quickly. Taking plenty of pictures wasn’t the barrier; in fact I’ve posted many on Instagram in the year since. I did learn that I don’t fully embrace the experience when I’m overly focused on observing. Ask yourself when you’re busy being a spectator in your own life and recording your life for social media, are you able to benefit from a mindful experience at the same time?
Those Who Came Before…
Both, in my newsletter and in my feature image for this post, you’ll will see I chose to think about two powerfully influential women in my life. My Aunt Elfrieda who died when I was 10 years old, and my mother who was and is a fierce and commanding influence in the lives of everyone who encounters her. While being mindful of how your own experiences are important if you’re wanting to maximize learning while growing more self aware, learning at the feet of those who came before you is also critical and powerful.
Today I will focus on my aunt and share more about my mother another time. Aunt Elfrieda taught me I could live whatever life I chose. She was born in the 30’s so living an unconventional life like her’s was almost unheard of. Mesmerized by her life, I even have clear memories of noticing the freedom and adventure and unique experiences she had. I didn’t have her in my life long but her influence has been a profoundly mindful experience.
What To DO…
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Is it how you appear or are perceived that is important to you? OR, are you sincerely inspired to find your unique path and opportunity to contribute no matter where it points?
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Are you focused on the OUTCOME or the PROCESS? ENDS or MEANS? The JOURNEY or the desired DESTINATION?
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Do you find yourself needing to prove your value or are you confident in your search for learning and growth in your current role and life?
Going deep and finding the insights that are central to mindful experience is not a solo sport. Find a friend, a group, a learning experience or a coach to help you walk the road of discovery. I’d be honoured to be that sounding board – YOUR COACH.
Walk With Me…
In April 2018 I brushed up against a call for meaning; an insight of sorts. It ultimately moved and inspired me to shift the focus of my practice. I’m walking with 30 to 35 year old’s, who are in a pivotal spot in life and career. Whether you’re HERE by age or spirit, I want to walk with you! Are YOU ready to do some self exploring & find the real meaning of your life? The research suggests you’ll embrace your inner REBEL in your 20’s and that most of you slip quietly into ACCOMMODATOR in your 30’s. Learning this grabbed my attention and my mission was clear. Moreover, I intend to bring out your inner rebel so you can make the difference you really want to make in the world.
In June 2018 I took a course in story telling. I was intent on finding my “Big Why” for shifting my practice. Ultimately, I landed on my story. It spans from my childhood, with a pivotal point in my early 20’s finally culminating in a significant career turning-point at the age of 37. This is the story that illuminated my purpose. In fact, remembering the moment of insight supports my efforts when this transition is difficult. It adds meaning to the work I’m currently doing. Listen below…
Is finding purpose and meaning in your life and in your career important to you?
Are you ready to unpack the tough stuff so you can find your north star?
Is your career all that you want it to be and more? If you answered yes to this last one, I’m so happy for you. Don’t you want that for everyone you know? THEN, pass on my message to everyone in your network in case it resonates for them.
Want to learn to #unpack4impact? Willing to do the work to search for meaning?
Once you have the skills to unpack the emotions and barriers and triggers and mindset challenges with the skills in my system, you’ll begin to see the impact in your career and you’ll find what matters most to you. Join me…
My goal is to make my system accessible and affordable. There are many ways you can engage with me….here are THREE to get started, without spending a dime.
WALK WITH ME…
- REGISTER for an ASK ROX RoundTable… TWO 50 minute engagements on ZOOM per month limited to 12 participants in each.
- BOOK a complimentary exploratory conversation 15-20 minutes.
- SUBSCRIBE to my mailing list from my home page, receive an interactive exercise helping you cope with stress, and a weekly reflection.
Walk with Me!
Of course I’d love to work with you, your team or organization so…
- Book me to speak at your conference or to a group in your organization. My workshops on building resilience, improving relationships, and increasing performance are popular.