It’s time to accept that the act of giving advice is generative. Be generous in offering help and especially advice. Refuse to be attached to whether it’s acted on by the recipient. Instead, pay attention to how it expands your thinking, influence and performance.
This week’s podcast episode offers the benefits of giving advice. Moreover, it’s an opportunity for me to reflect on how I exercised related opportunities early in my career. In the newsletter I reflect on how the roll-out of my podcast design and the subsequent weekly post plan came to be, even before seeing the research that backs it up as a solid strategy to meet my long term goals. The Wednesday weekly stories on the Instagram and LinkedIn Video simplifis the message by simply outlining the benefits. Finally, in this weekly blog I pull the advice together, connecting the dots.
Advice, Built on Active Listening
Last week I focused on actively listening. It’s not a coincidence that we’re better prepared to make the most of advice giving when actively listening. Furthermore, advice is best tailored after listening for understanding for obvious reasons. Unfortunately most of us give advice before really seeking deep understanding.
Periodically I’m asked for advice by a new connection on LinkedIn. I typically respond offering to learn more about them. Essentially, I need more information to be better prepared to share specific ideas. Of course, as you may know, I offer tips and stories in my posts. Often they border on advice giving. Hopefully, posts are seen as generic. If the listener or reader sees them self in the stories or examples and can apply the lessons in their life, great! However, providing sweeping advice individually without at least a couple of questions, is not at good idea. A brief conversation is an opportunity for deep listening and engagement. It is a taste of what coaching may be like. A coach-like conversation, as a client once said.
Advice Given, Expands How?
Thinking
Thinking expands when giving advice because of the effort required. There is a process required to gather information and articulate feedback or a perspective. When giving advice, we’re forced to organize our thinking around something outside our self and communicating it requires deep processing. Below, in addition to the podcast episode, I refer to it as a puzzle. Putting the pieces together and making it meaningful to another person expands and strengths your thinking.
In formal education we are asked to deliver presentations. Most of the time students think it makes the class time easier for the teacher when in fact it is one of the best ways to embed the learning in the person who is delivering the information. Not just on the subject at hand. It is also teach us to think because we really need to understand something to articulate it clearly.
Influence
It seems we may be better off giving advice to others when we lack motivation. It’s no use grabbing strangers, or even resistant family members and shoving our advice at them if they don’t want it. We need to wait for the right opportunity. When it looks as though someone may be seeking a helpful word or two from our unique experiences, there is mutual benefit in taking the time to communicate the best possible guidance.
I’ve always been fond of finding and offering the optimal words of encouragement where they might be helpful. The experience I share in this week’s podcast episode was extremely fulfilling. But I never quite understood why. It just felt like a fun social puzzle with immediate benefits for the person seeking advice. Of course now I know that there’s some selfish advantages too. Giving advice helps us to feel competent, confident, and motivated. For those reasons our own humble words of support, given to others, are often more self-inspiring. A double-edged way to bank some influence!
Performance
When somebody needs my advice, I put careful thought into what may help them. If I give them advice that seems to be useful in that moment, I leave with my own unusually positive feeling. I feel inspired to do better myself. I end up working harder when I’m focusing on my next project or task. I’m also more responsive and confident in the quality of my work. I found this when asked to support others as described in the podcast episode. I also feel this way after coaching my clients today. This is why I prefer to schedule my coaching clients early in the day. My performance soars after the motivation I feel after helping others.
Advice Giving, Motivates
Turns out Lucy was ahead of her time!
In this week’s podcast episode I mention the 2018 research that demonstrates evidence that “individuals (are) more motivated by giving advice than receiving it.” Their findings went beyond my instinctive belief. In the right conditions, giving advice is not only as good as receiving advice, it may be significantly better.
At its heart, the benefit is observed as increased confidence. There is value, it turns out in processing information out loud. Moreover, when giving advice to another, when even loosely transferable to their own life, will increase a person’s confidence in taking similar actions.
Of course, we know motivation that builds from within is more powerful. Additionally, we know the deepest motivation comes from a feeling of belonging which is strengthened through social confidence. What better way could there be to develop both than being affirmed for advice giving.
Letting go of ownership for the outcome when given to others, simply ensures the focus remains on the act of giving. Ultimately, when refusing to hold on to the decisions or choices of the receiver, the giver’s confidence is not based on proving, but rather on learning.
Walk With Me…
In April 2018 I brushed up against a call for meaning; an insight of sorts. It ultimately moved and inspired me to shift the focus of my practice. I’m walking with 30 something’s, who are in a pivotal spot in life and career. Whether HERE by age or spirit, I want to walk with these seekers! Seekers who are ready to do some self exploring & find the real meaning of their life? The research suggests people embrace their inner REBEL during their 20’s while most slip quietly and comfortably into ACCOMMODATOR in their 30’s. This documented pattern grabbed my attention and my mission was made clear. Moreover, I’m intent on resurfacing that inner rebel whose perspective, now shaped with more experience, may offer insights many typically miss when they matter most.
In June 2018 I took a course in story telling. I was intent on finding my “Big Why” to help me understanding my purpose for shifting my practice. Ultimately, I landed on my story. It spans from my childhood, with a pivotal point in my early 20’s finally culminating in a significant career turning-point at the age of 37. This story revealed an unhealthy pattern while illuminating my purpose. In fact, remembering the moment of insight supports my efforts when this transition is difficult. It adds meaning to the work I’m currently doing. Listen below…
Feel like you’re living someone else’s destiny?
Willing to do the work to find more meaning?
Once you have the skills to unpack the emotions and barriers and triggers and mindset challenges with the skills in my BYI system, you’ll begin to see the impact in your career and you’ll find what matters most to you. Join me…
My goal is to make my system accessible and affordable. There are many ways you can engage with me….below you’ll find THREE to get started, without spending a dime.
WALK WITH ME…
Walk with Me!
- REGISTER for an ASK ROX RoundTable… TWO 50 minute engagements on ZOOM – the second Tuesday and the last Friday of every month – limited to 12 participants in each.
- BOOK a complimentary exploratory conversation 20-30 minutes.
- SUBSCRIBE to my mailing list from my home page, receive an interactive exercise helping you cope with stress, and a weekly reflection.
Of course I’d love to work with you, your team or organization so…
- Book me to speak at your conference or to a group in your organization. My workshops on building resilience, improving relationships, and increasing performance are popular.