Pay attention to where you feel fixed. Look for misunderstandings leaving you feeling humiliated or judged. Rather than reacting in those moments, examine them, they may point to a spot where you’ll benefit from examining your process of learning. At the very least, be curious. Curiosity in the soft spots will help you be less brittle and hard over all.
I tell a personal story in this week’s podcast episode. Such a personal soft spot that I felt anxiety about who may be listening. The newsletter builds on that story when I couldn’t shake the anxiety I felt about the vulnerability I reveal. Wednesday’s weekly video on LinkedIn and Instagram is more of an encouragement to watch for your soft spots. Once again, this blog post is my attempt to pull it all together.
Fixed in Patterns and Habits
Our patterns support and sustain our habits. Moreover, our patterns develop as a result of our beliefs so, often, the true source remains deeply hidden from us. In this week’s podcast episode and newsletter I explore how I realized a habit I have, came out of a comfortable pattern built on a deeply seeded belief about my self-worth.
Patterns
A few weeks ago I chose to make patterns my theme for the week. When I decided to explore “fixed” this week, I failed to anticipated where it would take me . Given patterns are the underbelly to habits, which are observed or discovered in behaviour, which is coded by our mindset, attitude and beliefs, I could have seen this coming. I didn’t. Furthermore, I failed to see how personal it would feel and perhaps I missed seeing my personal journey when looking at patterns initially.
Three weeks ago I wrote and talked about how patterns are sneaky and I think this week shows how it’s this sneakiness that makes them fixed within each of us. They encode themselves and define us unconsciously. This is the source of their power to fix our thinking, our feelings, and our behaviour. Fix, as in solidify it in stone. Once that happens you need a sledge hammer to break it up.
Habits
Habits, it seems, fall at the end of the chain but just before the results they produce. Consequently, they’re the hardest to change. Change requires that we get to the source, which may first be recognized in a pattern. Then we must go even further inward and examine our beliefs, attitudes and mindset to really have a chance to break up that stone.
Feelings are the messenger of where to start. Feelings, emotions, are the access points. I’ve never used a sledge hammer on rock or stone but I recall learning to chop wood so I’m picturing that experience. The set up and finding the right spot to hit upon was essential to a clean, one-shot break. It wasn’t literally a soft spot but in this case your stone is brittle and the way in to break it up cleanly is the soft spot of feelings. As you hear in my podcast episode which is further developed in my newsletter reflection, I found soft spot when getting curious about why I was feeling emotionally and physically triggered by friends’ good intentions.
Fixed in Beliefs and Mindset
Beliefs pull together attitudes and mindset and through behaviours, show up in results.
To be fixed starts with your beliefs. I’m not talking about religion but it’s part of it. Beliefs are those pesky thoughts that build up over a life time dictating how you see the world. YES, it’s a choice but most of us fail to realize it because of how these beliefs creep up on us, whether its from our family of origin or the expectations of our society or a profession we’ve chosen. These beliefs are powerful and slippery. The beliefs then inform our attitude and then infiltrate our mindset.
Fixed Beliefs
From where do our beliefs originate? They’re poured into us or modeled for us from a young age. We learn most foundational beliefs through proximity so, of course, they’re deeply embedded. While these beliefs include the religious and political components of our perspective, they’re much more than that. Ultimately, our fixed beliefs are so ingrained they come to define who we are as people. This is exactly why we must dig at them to see them for what they are. This is also why our entry to finding them is best found in the soft spots. What triggers us. The places where we feel vulnerable. What keeps us up at night, ruminating.
In this week’s podcast episode and newsletter I was confronted by a soft spot and while I have a better understanding of the possibility for learning I need more work to discover the underlying and deeply seeded belief. Finding that is the place to start learning.
Fixed Mindset
Carol Dweck’s work on growth and fixed mindset is a great place for reflection, as I recommend in this week’s podcast. The soft spot for me, revealed itself by examining what I was trying to prove to myself, my friends, the world. I was uncomfortable soon after asking but as the week’s gone on, the discomfort has started to shift into excitement about what I am learning about myself. My mindset drives my approach, my process, to learning and I’m determined to watch for when I am fixed and avoiding the stretch required to learn.
Fixed in Perspective
Learning to write fiction in grade school we’re taught about perspective and point of view. Good creative writing must have a consistent, or fixed, point-of-view. Perhaps that’s true for weaving a compelling narrative. In life we get stuck in a particular point of view too. Furthermore, life is experienced through the perspective of the one living, and yet point-of-view can be less fixed and thereby open us to learning more.
What if we all challenged ourselves to look at the difficult or painful or anxious or annoying through a few different frames to help us understand better? We’ve often heard the value of trying to walk in another person’s shoes. That speaks to one benefit. Another may be the opportunity a fresh look always offers. Every time one of us takes time away and looks at a problem after a rest, we have a new perspective. Making it a practice, even without the need for a vacation or a job change, may be possible too. Experimenting with it helps us release the fixed perspective. It opens us to a new way of seeing and being.
Walk With Me…
In April 2018 I brushed up against a call for meaning; an insight of sorts. It ultimately moved and inspired me to shift the focus of my practice. I’m walking with 30 somethings, who are truly in a pivotal spot in life and career. Whether HERE by age or spirit, I want to walk with these seekers! Seekers who are ready to do some self exploring & find the real meaning of their life? The research suggests people embrace their inner REBEL during their 20’s while most slip quietly and comfortably into ACCOMMODATOR in their 30’s. This documented pattern grabbed my attention and my mission was made clear. Moreover, I’m intent on resurfacing that inner rebel whose perspective, now shaped with more experience, may offer insights many typically miss when they matter most.
In June 2018 I took a course in story telling. I was intent on finding my “Big Why” to help me understanding my purpose for shifting my practice. Ultimately, I landed on my story. It spans from my childhood, with a pivotal point in my early 20’s finally culminating in a significant career turning-point at the age of 37. This story revealed an unhealthy pattern while illuminating my purpose. In fact, remembering the moment of insight supports my efforts when this transition is difficult. It adds meaning to the work I’m currently doing. Listen below…
Feel like you’re living someone else’s destiny?
Willing to do the work to find more meaning?
Once you have the skills to unpack the emotions and barriers and triggers and mindset challenges with the skills in my BYI system, you’ll begin to see the impact in your career and you’ll find what matters most to you. Join me…
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WALK WITH ME…
Walk with Me!
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