In the Kickass Koach podcast episode dropped Monday, I reflect on a recent call with a life-long friend whose perspective and shared experience put any current anxiety or pain into context, reminding me how cyclical life is and the importance of embracing the gift at every turn of the wheel.

For the newsletter I strangely recount a rare scene I remember from Game of Thrones and the significance of seeing our place on the wheel of life and how it is constant, regardless of whether we are part of it or not.

In the weekly Instagram and LinkedIn videos I reflect on how we confuse what is with what ought to be. This mistaken thinking leads us to forget that the wonderful or the terrible moments of our life will pass.

Life’s lessons aren’t simply available simply in the fact we’re alive. The learning starts with a willingness to embrace all aspects of experience. When we mistakenly crave only the highs, we forget that they are only possible with the lows. If we forget to look at all aspects of our experience and seek new frames of reference, we limit the impact of the possibilities. The lessons we learn AND the contrast they provide.

Remembering the greatest joys for a second will remind us that they are mountain top experiences that we worked hard to achieve. The hard work pulled us out of a reality we sought to change. Finally, whether it was a career that grew into something of value or a relationship that took us to new heights of connection or meaning, we had to over come to truly feel the joy of the high.

A  story…

The wheels of life are always turning. Our position and influence and contribution is always changing as a result. the trick is to remain open to where our value is most clear.

My parents retired to a condo after my dad had a serious hemorrhagic stroke at age 64, almost 2 years after he’d formally retired. This upended my mom’s life in ways that exceeded the impact of the dramatic change on my dad. One question I asked myself was whether her world would grow smaller as she cared for my dad, lost her huge garden and yard and her beloved community.

As I’d witnessed in previous transitions, she embraced the wheels that kept turning in her life. Being her husband’s care-taker and partner was more burdensome, no doubt. She enthusiastically made new friends, got involved on the condo board and welcomed the many invitations to engage in a new community.  I mentioned to her that I was sharing this story. She happily regaled me with stories of the many activities that filled her time and new supports that presented to help navigate the new challenges.

She also reminded me  she was able to use experience she had gained much earlier in her life, making her feel young while lifting her energy to new heights. I recall going out to celebrate her 65th birthday and being amazed at how much younger she behaved and even appeared than she had four years earlier when the new life was thrust upon her.

The turn of the wheel is organic. We may think we can control it and of course we are free to make choices as are others. Moreover, the choices of others ultimately influence the results of our own. We are all connected. This is the beauty of the wheel. Our connection is what keeps the wheel moving, ensuring we have the opportunity to make everything that is stuck in the dark, return to the light.

We’ve all heard the message, “it is darkest before the dawn”. The sun does come around again and yet it is the one thing in the entire universe that remains largely static. Everything else is turning and moving to ensure what is dark eventually benefits from light. We all will do well to remember this when all appears to be lost. Moreover, it is equally as important to remember when all is going perfectly.

Story continued…

My mother has referred to her life of transitions organic. Change thrusts itself on us, welcoming us to adjust and learn as a result. The transition mentioned earlier was very difficult. None of us can even imagine what it must have been like to have her life partner is suddenly dependent on her. She had to make every decision for them as a couple and for each of them as individuals. I recall observing the struggle it was as I supported her in completing the paperwork to be granted full guardianship. She was horrified, initially, with the prospect of making decisions on behalf of this proud and independent man. I also recall how she worked so hard to make him feel his own independence even as it scared her.

Life experience and a willingness to take it one decision and one experience at a time she allowed the wheel to turn and bring the difficult and the poignant moments to fuel and support her. She accepted more help than every before. There were unique challenges that presented themselves outside of her own experience, that offered perspective and new learning. At one point she had the privilege and honour to chair and help launch an entire Senior’s learning program at University of Saskatchewan.

My mom could have chosen to hibernate and feel sorry for herself enjoying the fruits of her joint labour with my dad. Instead she embraced the challenges along with the sadness of loss. Additionally, she welcomed the new opportunities that came her way in her new role as advocate and guardian.

The turn of the wheel is constant and what it brings us is there to be discovered for all its richness.

Turn of the Wheel – embedded in Bank Your Impact (BYI)

The Bank Your Impact (BYI) System is about both developing and embedding self-awareness. Furthermore, the benefits of expanded resilience, connections built on understanding the impact of belonging and an ability to bolster a professional and authentic presence are foundational. Perhaps more than the other two, developing a foundational resilience is critical to with standing that which moves us into burnout.

Walk with Me!