The version of any story we tell our selves, impact it’s our interpretation and response.

We are the stories we tell our self.

The 2020 theme of identity continues. Recognizing the threat of uncertainty that has been foisted upon us all with #COVID-19, is an opportunity to observe the power of the story we are telling.

In the Kickass Koach podcast episode dropped Monday, March 23rd, I share how the story a friend has been internalizing about how #COVID19 can’t touch her has made her complacent.

For the newsletter, I discuss the importance of learning to listen to stories with a critical ear. Stories are full of powerful truths but that doesn’t mean they are factual.

In the weekly Instagram and LinkedIn video, I share an annoying experience with my mother recently. I told her how a story about her experience as a child and the measles out break that happened had inspired and touched others. She responded saying, “you made that up. I never told you that.”

Finally, in this post I’m discussing the impact of stories and how stories inform our thinking, choices and ultimately our actions and results.

Stories Inform our Thinking

There are somethings for which we can prepare. In fact, most things fit into this category. Even a pandemic. Furthermore, some countries were more prepared than others. Most individuals were not prepared at all. Moreover, our reaction/behaviour speaks to both our inability to prepare and the emotional toll keeping many in denial.

In the Instagram/LinkedIn story, I mention how my mother accused me of making up stories. She did this when I related how her story about living through the measles outbreak as a child had prepared her to see the importance of short-term sacrifice for long term benefit. A week or so after she relayed this to me and I had since shared it with others, I decided to tell her about the impact of her story.

First, she said she didn’t remember telling me about the lessons she learned from the measles outbreak. When I laughed and told her that her memory was playing tricks on her, she became annoyed with me. True to form her next statement was harsh, “Roxanne, you are making up stories.” My mom can say these sorts of things with both a teasing and accusatory tone all mixed together. I was determined to get to the truth and as we broke down, bit by bit, the details of the story, it was exactly what happened

Why did my mom think I was exaggerating or spinning a tale? She had internalized it as almost insignificant. While in telling me of the parallels in her life a few weeks earlier she had been matter-of-fact, as she typically is. Now, hearing it back, she felt it and therefore processed it differently. It didn’t feel accurate anymore. How we think about an experience, a story, is significant.

Stories Inform our Choices

We make choices largely based on how we think about what is happening. There are times we react very strongly to a situation. Often because of stories we’ve told our self about what a behaviour means. This is not always based on reality. Last week, I talked about the threats we feel, specifically those related to a lack of certainty. This generates bad behaviour or fuzzy thinking. People acting out badly under the current restrictions are essentially feeling the threat and have no outlet to deal with their feelings. The story they are telling them self about what is happening is potentially distorted or influenced by completely unrelated life experiences.

Back to my mother, essentially calling me a fibber. She was born in the late 1920’s and her father died suddenly on Thanksgiving Sunday morning at the breakfast table. Her family had just come out of the depths of the depression of the 30’s and the hope of future opportunities were just emerging when he suddenly died. I’ve observed the results of the story she told herself. She needed to be strong as the second oldest of 7 children. She needed to live up to the expectations of her deceased father. Moreover, she had to be stoic, measured and never a burden to others. Hence, when she heard her story of measles related to the pain people are currently experiencing it felt over blown. As soon as I saw this story in her accusation, it no longer was hurtful to me.

It is important to see how our stories inform our choices. Moreover, how they impact our chosen actions. With a deeper examination of the stories we tell our self, we will navigate the most difficult times with greater clarity, self-compassion, empathy and resilience.

Stories Inform Results

It may not be a surprise, after reading the above, to hear that our stories inform our results. Because they inform our thinking, they drive our choices and our behaviour. It is the combination created by this alchemy that produces our results.

Rather than picking on my mother further, I will focus on my reaction to her. For most of my 55+ years of engaging with my mother I told my self many stories. When I was a child I would tell myself she was harsh because I was a difficult child. When I was a teenager I had more pointed language to describe her critical tone. Later, as a young adult, with the strong encouragement of my father, I sought to better understand the story of her life. Ultimately, in the last 20 years our relationship changed significantly. I recognized the dramatic differences in our respective stories together with our very similar personalities and greater understanding developed. The new story of what made her do the things she did, helped me examine my own behaviour more effectively too.

Our story and the way we tell it to our self, shapes our life. Moreover, when we are willing to examine it, we are more capable of navigating the impacts effectively.

Life is one big Experiment

The underlying point, again this week, emphasizes the benefit of approaching life as an experiment. Moreover, when we learn to shape a story effectively and listen to it critically we make better choices. Furthermore, we may then more closely monitor how our choices, decisions and ability to adjust our actions to our current situation. Then, we may influence how things unfold.

There’s a difference between wanting something and making something happen. With the mindset necessary to perform under pressure we are able to influence results more deeply. This mindset that relies on clarity, curiosity and a resilient spirit we accept no excuses, only results. Furthermore, it’s essential we have a system to evaluate the risk of any action, removing the very human emotions that cloud our judgment.

Walk with me. Together let’s examine options consciously and authentically to make choices that move us strategically toward where we want to be. Strategy is a about choices. Execution on these choices requires masterful performance. Furthermore, a well developed process allows us to enjoy the journey far more fully.

Be part of the journey in 2020.

Start by subscribing to my mailing list . Subscribers receive:

My interactive exercise to begin reducing the impacts of stress and feelings of overwhelm will be sent.
My newsletter with the related podcast episode will be sent weekly.
Special offers will be available to subscribers monthly including: a random offer of a complimentary one hour coaching conversation, access to roundtable engagements and group coaching on identity and related subjects, as well as information on an initiative on which I’m collaborating: #FeMasCon.

The Story is the Vehicle to Bank Your Impact (BYI)

We all love a good story. Stories inform us by educating and inspiring us. When in the middle of a crisis though the story we tell our self is extremely powerful. The ability to shape, interpret and drive the narrative of our story is at the heart of BYI. The system helps participants identify options, make wise choices and commit to influencing desired outcomes. It takes a systematic and experiential approach to influence the outcomes we produce. Moreover, becoming aware of who we are being and how it produces the results in our life is a consequence of the choices we made and how we execute on those choices. Ultimately, creating the life we want starts with the actions we choose to take.

Furthermore, to get what we truly want in life, we need to be willing to persist, seek help, and continually look for transferable learning opportunities. Additionally, we need to be willing to question our choices and expand our options through healthy curiosity and a search for unique perspectives. Moreover, identifying and nurturing our identity is the place to start.

A healthy meaningful and full life is made possible with clarity about our values, beliefs, patterns and habits. Additionally, our quality of life is influenced and shaped by our unique blend of strengths and inclinations. Undoubtedly, a growth mindset and open-minded approach are foundations to sustaining this healthy sense of self.

The System

The Bank Your Impact (BYI) System is about both developing and embedding self-awareness. Furthermore, the benefits of expanded resilience, connections built on understanding the impact of belonging and an ability to bolster a professional and authentic presence are foundational. Perhaps more than the other two, developing a foundational resilience is critical to with standing that which moves us into burnout.

The current system incorporates 1:1 coaching, roundtable conversations; eventually I’ll add a neuro-social learning experience (currently only available in organizational contracts but will be added to the system for individual engagement in 2021).

My approach is based on the ICF (International Coaching Federation) standards. I’m meeting you (my clients) where you are, both as the coaching agreement begins, and in the moment that exists at the time of each conversation. Progress or growth is not a straight line. The ICA model is the framework for every conversation: Issue/Insight, Choice/Commitment, Action/Accountability. Over the past year I’ve been tightening the model to meet the needs of my clients.

Holding space to support my clients in:

Developing meaningful insights
Expanding/deepening perspective on those insights
Building/designing a practice to try on new ways of being/seeing OR experiment for discovery
Assessing progress, becoming agile in transfer of learning and application before developing additional insights

An organic experience

The experience is tailored around what you bring to each conversation, in my experience, there are common themes that arise including: self-awareness, mindfulness, mindset, communication, connections, and attitude. Self-awareness stands alone but is also a foundational theme. I have registered upwards of 40 sub-concepts that fit under each of these categories. Furthermore, I bring tools, skills and techniques to respond and guide our work together, informed by positive psychology, neuroscience, and management/leadership research.

Walk With Me, to Where You Want to Be

In all my blog posts in 2019, you will find this section outlines what brought me to this area of focus: supporting people in the early to middle part of their career as a #performance #coach.

You can read more about my work and my in the About Me section of the website and below is a recording of my #bigwhystory:

Feel like you’re living someone else’s destiny?

If that’s working for you, great. If it isn’t or it starts to be a problem, reach out. I welcome a conversation.

Willing to do the work to find more meaning?

With the skills to unpack the emotions and barriers and triggers and mindset challenges with the skills in my BYI system, participants begin to see the impact in their career and finally begin to discover what matters most to them. The bonus: they begin to see a path to get there. Join me…

My system is intended to be meaningful, relevant, accessible and affordable. With that in mind, there are many ways to engage with me. Below are TWO ways to start, without spending a dime.

Walk with Me!

BOOK a complimentary exploratory 1:1 conversation 20-30 minutes.
SUBSCRIBE to my mailing list. You’ll receive an interactive exercise that you may use to reduce and manage stress or feelings of overwhelm. PLUS each week you’ll receive my podcast and reflections in your inbox AND you’ll be invited to monthly webinars and roundtable conversations.

In closing, I love bringing learning experiences to workplaces that are interested in raising their performance and encouraging their people.

Book me to speak at your conference or to a group in your organization. My workshops on building resilience, improving workplace outcomes through relationships, and increasing performance are big hits! In 2020 I’ve added a few workshops on gender engagement – how, by knocking off the boxes that limit us by gender we all find our capacity expands.

The Story We Tell Informs