Chances are, this too shall pass. What’s the chance we’ll make the world and our collective lives better as a result of this crisis?

In uncertain times, making wise choices is more difficult than ever.

To take full and thoughtful advantage of a crisis, such as this pandemic and all the uncertainty it inflicts, we need a process to navigate, despite our human tendency to curl up in a ball and hold tight to what we think we know.

“If nature has taught us anything it is that the impossible is probable.”

― Ilyas Kassam

The 2020 theme of identity continues. When we fail to explore our identity, what is core for us, we create a greater possibility for regret at a later time. Identity is stitched together by our choices, influenced by the circumstances of our birth, and still our responsibility to develop.

In the Kickass Koach podcast episode dropped June 15th, I share the experience of two clients and how they each responded to a realization of regret at an early age.

For the newsletter, I return to two stories from my youth. One of an extremely accomplished professor who was mired in regret and the other my aunt who died just as she embarked on an adventure, following her heart.

Finally, in this post I examine probabilities as a way of looking at how to get to where we want to go. We fail when we get caught looking too much in the rear-view mirror and wondering what could have been. Additionally, we get stuck when lost in blame and guilt about what should have been. How do we choose to impact the chances of what will be?

Chances Are, Described

We are learning more and more about probabilities by paying attention to the data and lessons of the current pandemic. I still chuckle when hearing reporters ask questions, sounding annoyed, when the models don’t work out exactly. Perhaps this is why leaders preferred to keep those for internal use only. It’s difficult for people to recognize the difference between a model, a projection or a finding.

Chances are, the forecast or projection will be wrong because all the conditions used in the model were not, could not be, exact. We are human beings, not numbers or robots. Even when forecasting in business, we work for our goal, not our forecast. We share forecasts with our board or our shareholders so they are not shocked with the outcomes realized. We don’t share them because we are working to achieve them.

A probability is a chance something will happen. It is not a prescription for what will happen. We have free will and we can change what will happen by knowing what is projected and why. The choices we make depend on us understanding this.

Chances Are, We Fail

I spoke of the loss that becomes a regret. What could have been?

So often when we diminish a loss as a means to get over it, we fail to learn from it. This is a huge mistake. One many of us make frequently. In our attempt to not feel the loss we stuff it down, refusing to examine it.

What could have been turns into what might have been and, if we move into unhealthy territory it becomes what should have been.

When we get stuck in what could have been thinking, we are more likely to fail. This is backward-looking thinking. Forward-looking thinking is dramatically different. I may embrace, what is possible, if I choose differently. Making decisions while looking behind us is sometimes lazy thinking and always defeatist thinking. Of course, there is always value in knowing what worked and what got us to where we are as long as we keep our eyes peeled on what is ahead. Peripheral vision is useful. Keeping our view solely on the backward looking mirrors is hazardous.

While the above thinking is dreamy and self-indulgent, should have thinking is destructive. Rather than being stuck, in this thinking we are often lost. The blame or shame clouds our judgment enveloping the journey ahead in thick fog. In fact I envision a snow storm from my childhood. In deep darkness I recall being at full attention as my dad sailed down country roads with his high beams on with the snow hypnotically coming at the windshield. I envied my sisters who had already fallen into trustful sleep. They didn’t realize the horror of what the world looked like in that moment. I couldn’t look away and felt like we could go into the ditch or run out of road at any moment.

Chances Are, We Prevail

On the other hand, what could or should have been is the result of our failure to learn the lesson and put it into action.

This is exactly what makes the source, as discussed above, critical. Often we find the source by looking at the present. Examining the evidence. Changes are the lessons are there for the picking.

We prevail when we have the skills to look with clarity on what is, currently. Of course it helps to understand what got us there as long as we look at it through the eyes of curiosity.

This requires that we develop an optimistic attitude and a learning mindset along with developing clarity on our values. An optimistic attitude puts our brain into reward mode where clarity and a healthy action orientation is predominant. A learning mindset fuels our curiosity helping us see how much there is to learn while motivating us to pick up the learning threads. Clarity about our values is like a filter that assists us in decided whether a solution warrants our attention.

Life is one big Experiment

There has been a lot of blaming and possibly some shaming going on with this pandemic. This, for the most part, represents the “shoulda” approach. When we see life as an experiment, we focus on curiosity before blame. Even when the focus of blame is on our self, it is disrespectful. Disrespectful of reality or learning.

Continuous learning and fresh insights is the goal of the experimental approach. What will the evidence teach us, rather than who will it point to for culpability. Moreover, this approach is generative in addition to being iterative. With an experimental collaborative approach we may find progress is faster and we go further. In collaboration we can crack this, but only together with a willingness to learn and honour the data and the stories will we arrive where we seek to go.

We may be capable of more closely monitoring and learning from our choices and decisions and build capacity to adjust our actions to meet the current situation. Then, we may influence how things unfold. There’s a difference between wanting something and making something happen. With the mindset necessary to perform under pressure we are able to influence results more deeply. This mindset that relies on clarity, curiosity and a resilient spirit we accept no excuses, only meaningful results. Furthermore, it’s essential we have a system to evaluate the risk of any action, removing the very human emotions that cloud our judgment. Walk with me. Together let’s examine options consciously and authentically to make choices that move us strategically toward where we want to be. Strategy is a about choices. Execution on these choices requires masterful performance. Furthermore, a well developed process allows us to enjoy the journey far more fully.

Be part of the journey in 2020.

Start by subscribing to my mailing list . Subscribers receive:

My interactive exercise to begin reducing the impacts of stress and feelings of overwhelm will be sent.
My newsletter with the related podcast episode will be sent weekly.
Special offers will be available to subscribers monthly including: a random offer of a complimentary one hour coaching conversation, access to roundtable engagements and group coaching on identity and related subjects, as well as information on an initiative on which I’m collaborating: #FeMasCon.

Regrets are Eliminated with Bank Your Impact (BYI)

We suffer regrets because we fail to establish enough self awareness to make wise choices. Choosing where to direct our attention is critical. Moreover, it’s our responsibility to focus on the skills, knowledge and capacities that move us to where we want to be. A career built on the skill of navigating and responding to opportunities as they arise is generative and progressive.

The BYI system helps participants build the strength to engage when challenges appear. It’s an approach focused on identifying options, making wise choices and committing to influencing desired outcomes. Furthermore, it takes a systematic and experiential approach to influence the outcomes we produce. Moreover, becoming aware of who we are being and how it produces the results in our life is a consequence of the choices we made and how we execute on those choices. Ultimately, creating the life we want starts with the actions we choose to take.

To get what we truly want in life, we need to be willing to persist, seek help, and continually look for transferable learning opportunities. Additionally, we need to be willing to question our choices and expand our options through healthy curiosity and a search for unique perspectives. Moreover, identifying and nurturing our identity is the place to start. A healthy meaningful and full life is made possible with clarity about our values, beliefs, patterns and habits. Additionally, our quality of life is influenced and shaped by our unique blend of strengths and inclinations. Undoubtedly, a growth mindset and open-minded approach are foundations to sustaining this healthy sense of self.

The System

The Bank Your Impact (BYI) System is about both developing and embedding self-awareness. Furthermore, the benefits of expanded resilience, connections built on understanding the impact of belonging and an ability to bolster a professional and authentic presence are foundational. Perhaps more than the other two, developing a foundational resilience is critical to with standing that which moves us into burnout.

The current system incorporates 1:1 coaching, roundtable conversations; eventually I’ll add a neuro-social learning experience (currently only available in organizational contracts but will be added to the system for individual engagement in 2021). My approach is based on the ICF (International Coaching Federation) standards. I’m meeting you (my clients) where you are, both as the coaching agreement begins, and in the moment that exists at the time of each conversation. Progress or growth is not a straight line. The ICA model is the framework for every conversation: Issue/Insight, Choice/Commitment, Action/Accountability. Over the past year I’ve been tightening the model to meet the needs of my clients.

Holding space to support my clients in:

Developing meaningful insights
Expanding/deepening perspective on those insights
Building/designing a practice to try on new ways of being/seeing OR experiment for discovery
Assessing progress, becoming agile in transfer of learning and application before developing additional insights

An organic experience

The experience is tailored around what you bring to each conversation, in my experience, there are common themes that arise including: self-awareness, mindfulness, mindset, communication, connections, and attitude. Self-awareness stands alone but is also a foundational theme. I have registered upwards of 40 sub-concepts that fit under each of these categories. Furthermore, I bring tools, skills and techniques to respond and guide our work together, informed by positive psychology, neuroscience, and management/leadership research.

Walk With Me, to Where You Want to Be

In all my blog posts in 2019, you will find this section outlines what brought me to this area of focus: supporting people in the early to middle part of their career as a #performance #coach.

You can read more about my work and my in the About Me section of the website and below is a recording of my #bigwhystory:

Feel like you’re living someone else’s destiny?

If that’s working for you, great. If it isn’t or it starts to be a problem, reach out. I welcome a conversation.

Willing to do the work to find more meaning?

With the skills to unpack the emotions and barriers and triggers and mindset challenges with the skills in my BYI system, participants begin to see the impact in their career and finally begin to discover what matters most to them. The bonus: they begin to see a path to get there. Join me… My system is intended to be meaningful, relevant, accessible and affordable. With that in mind, there are many ways to engage with me. Below are TWO ways to start, without spending a dime.

Walk with Me!

BOOK a complimentary exploratory 1:1 conversation 20-30 minutes.
SUBSCRIBE to my mailing list. You’ll receive an interactive exercise that you may use to reduce and manage stress or feelings of overwhelm. PLUS each week you’ll receive my podcast and reflections in your inbox AND you’ll be invited to monthly webinars and roundtable conversations.

In closing, I love bringing learning experiences to workplaces that are interested in raising their performance and encouraging their people.

Book me to speak at your conference or to a group in your organization. My workshops on building resilience, improving workplace outcomes through relationships, and increasing performance are big hits! In 2020 I’ve added a few workshops on gender engagement – how, by knocking off the boxes that limit us by gender we all find our capacity expands.

Chances Are, THIS too shall pass