Attention is Love. Our choices and attention reveal what we love. No declaration of love will ever do that fully or meaningfully.  What we love and value is clearly articulated by what we do. During times of chaos, exploring this will help clear the path to get to where we want to be.

Attention = love. Our attention is a valuable asset – how and where we dole it out determines more than we often realize.”

In uncertain times, making wise choices is more difficult than ever. Love and compassion is always a meaningful way to navigate an uncertain future.

“The only way to do great work is to love what you do.”  ― Steve Jobs

The 2020 theme of identity continues. This world wide crisis both reveals and calls us to reflect on our identity. Who are we and who do we want to be. It is impossible to hide in this environment, even while we are in lock-down.

In the Kickass Koach podcast episode dropped June 22nd, I share a personal learning experience with regard to being loving by where my attention is pointed recognizing the circumstances.

For the newsletter, I reflect on the song from my childhood, “Cat’s in the Cradle” that I loved singing along with and only realized later that is was about the impact of where we place our attention on our relationships.

Finally, in this post I attempt to describe more of what this would look like in our choices, habits and patterns before exploring the impact on attitude and behaviour.

 

Attention is Love Described 

Love is attention. Additionally the focus of time and attention reveals our values and our interests. Moreover, it  serves as a clear indication of what we love. Children demand attention. Not exclusively positive attention. Attention in whatever form ensures they feel they matter; they belong, they are loved.

It’s a brutal truth. I recall when the book, “He’s Just not That Into You” came out in the early 00’s. It was curious to see the number of young women who took offense when not receiving attention. First, I never understood what makes us want to win the affections of someone who didn’t want us. I experienced heart ache, like everyone else. Feeling rejected is a heart-wrenching experience. When young, I did stupid things when rejected too. Eventually, I applied reason to the loss and put it in perspective. Still, today I shudder when recalling my behaviour. Who would want to stay in the energy of zero self-regulation? It seems to be part of the human experience.

That said, love is about more than romantic relationships. This all-consuming desire that can be focused on a variety of entities, including life itself. Passion for our work or a feeling we get for service to others is one form of love. I often wonder about the work of Mihaly Csikszentmihaly who writes about the flow state. After first reading his work, I started seeing the similarity between passionate relationships and the phenomenon of passion we experience for work or activities of any kind. He described flow as a highly focused mental state improving perspective and productivity. It enhances performance. It’s a heightened state much like sexual arousal.

An athlete, artist, problem solver, creative thinker, manager or leader perform at a higher state of consciousness when experiencing this phenomenon.

Attention is Love, Informs Attitude

 

Attention is Love, Shifts Behaviour

I start with the premise that attitude generates mindset, producing beliefs, and creating particular behaviours. In other words, the attitude we choose starts the process of producing our patterns, habits and ultimately the outcomes we produce. From this premise, which is a belief, I identified three behaviours that are present when our attention drives the flow state.

Focus is a By-product

A second component we see in behaviour that speaks to loving attention, is the capacity to recognize context. In my fast food story you see how my perspective shifted my experience. I never loved working in fast food but it prepared me to find something in everything I did that focused my attention and work ethic.

Last year a client who is relatively new to Canada working in a more rudimentary management position than his educational background would suggest, found comfort in shifting his perspective. He sought out my coaching in his desire to find a way back into the profession he loved. In every conversation he focused on the challenges of his current position and with the attention placed on responding and growing in his current role, he came to find passion for it. Recently he re-contracted with me to support him with the promotion he was offered. Rather than focusing his attention on the re-certification in his field of study he had put his energy in becoming proficient in his role. This dedication expanded his leadership skills and competency. He grew to love the challenging work and was rewarded with more opportunities.

A fresh perspective can shift our attitude generating love and attention in a new direction. As my motto says: “when we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.” – Max Planck

Life is one big Experiment

Jobs, in the highlighted quote, suggests we need to love the work we do in order to deliver with excellence. I argue we can love the process or the experience of work without loving the actual work. It is again, all in how we choose to see something. When life is an experiment, we focus on what we can learn about our self and about the world. Whether we serve as a teacher, a nurse, a garbage collector or we bus tables, studies have show when the goal is to serve the team and clients, pleasure in work is more likely.

Continuous learning and fresh insights are the goal of the experimental approach. What will the evidence teach us? Moreover, this approach is generative in addition to being iterative. With an experimental collaborative approach, we may find progress is faster and we go further.  In collaboration we can crack this, but only together with a willingness to learn and honour the data and the stories will we arrive where we seek to go.

We may be capable of more closely monitoring and learning from our choices and decisions and build capacity to adjust our actions to meet the current situation. Then, we may influence how things unfold. There’s a difference between wanting something and making something happen. With the mindset necessary to perform under pressure we’re able to influence results more deeply. This mindset that relies on clarity, curiosity and a resilient spirit we accept no excuses, only meaningful results. Furthermore, it’s essential we learn to evaluate the risk of any action, removing the very human emotions that cloud our judgment.

Walk with me.

Walk with me to find a life and career filled with passion. We may find it in a change or in a new perspective on what currently is. Regardless, the walk will open up a fresh perspective and new opportunities to expand and grow. A future is a terrible thing t leave to chance. Make the most what lies ahead.

 

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Be part of the journey in 2020.

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1. My interactive exercise to begin reducing the impacts of stress and feelings of overwhelm will be sent.
2. My newsletter with the related podcast episode will be sent weekly.
3. Special offers will be available to subscribers monthly including: a random offer of a complimentary one hour coaching conversation, access to roundtable engagements and group coaching on identity and related subjects, as well as information on an initiative on which I’m collaborating: #FeMasCon.

Love is found when Banking Your Impact (BYI)

The Bank Your Impact (BYI) System is about both developing and embedding self-awareness. Furthermore, the benefits of expanded resilience, connections built on understanding the impact of belonging and an ability to bolster a professional and authentic presence are foundational. Perhaps more than the other two, developing a foundational resilience is critical to with standing that which moves us into burnout.