“My passionate sense of social justice and social responsibility has always contrasted oddly with my pronounced lack of need for direct contact with other human beings and human communities.” – Albert Einstein
“My humanity is bound up in yours, for we can only be human together.” – Desmond Tutu
The 2020 theme of identity continues with my exploration of how we are all connected regardless of how we define or develop our individual identity
In the Kickass Koach podcast episode dropped September 7th, I reflect on how, while our individual actions and choices make a difference, our collective or systemic practices make the most impact while being the most difficult to change.
For the newsletter, I both reflect on structural violence that exists broadly and dig into a realization my insights revealed for my 90 year old mother who wants to believe bias doesn’t really exist.
Finally, in this post I consider how we can only rise and fall together. The choice is ours, not alone but together. That’s why it is complicated.
Together We Move, Described
Far too often humans struggle with whether the community is paramount to the individual or whether individual needs trump the community.
I have always found that a bit humorous. The Einstein quote, above, resonates so beautifully with how I have experienced life. I care so profoundly about human rights and individual responsibility as concepts. On the other hand, I find people as a concept and a reality to be really annoying.
Still, when I get to know individuals I love them deeply. I don’t think you can find a more loyal, challenging or loving friend than I am. I am as a deeply disagreeable person though. As Adam Grant would say though, I will be gruff and tough and speak my mind, but it is always coming form a loving place. When people so obviously tell me what they think I want to hear, I lose all respect for them. As a result, I find it almost impossible to simply tell people what I think they want to hear. It gets me in trouble constantly.
Together we move, for me, means that we make progress when we each are willing to bring our whole self forward regardless of whether we think our contribution will be valued. Progress, movement, is only possible when we develop trust and act with enough trust that we can put our self “out there” to make a difference.
Together We Rise or Fall
This pandemic is teaching us all that we rise and fall together. We may be able to see it more clearly today. For much of the world, society is very individualistic. I value my individual freedom almost more than anything. Additionally, I value respect for the dignity of others. One of these values without the other is almost empty or hollow.
I recall a good friend and one-time business partner, complaining to me one day that, for a Canadian, I was far too individualistic. She is a U.S. citizen who happened to marry a Canadian and was living in Toronto at the time. She used to tell me I behaved more like a citizen of her country and she, like a citizen of mine. I think there is plenty of evidence to the contrary. That said, it is a fascinating commentary about how our culture impacts our values and perspective.
I am proud of the elements of the Canadian culture and my family culture that recognizes and celebrate the fact that we are in this human experience together. I am also well aware of the value in gaining perspective on that collective by having the courage to be one person, individually speaking out to that collective.
Together we rise or fall but the together must include a willingness to stand a part when necessary. Moreover, when we are NOT that person, to respect those with the courage to stand apart and speak out. A beloved Canadian who represented exactly that is Tommy Douglas. Today, I recognize a few public health officials and epidemiologists who are willing to speak out as well. Not for them self, but for the “together”.
It isn’t one or the other. It is a broader way of seeing the “together” part.
Together We Began
I told a friend this morning I think it’s a miracle that our species has not gone extinct in the past few decades or perhaps centuries. We have done a terrible job of moving together. We battle each other much of the time. This just demonstrates how we fail to know our history. The history of the human species can be found, in part, through our frailties and perhaps our own brain.
The decade of the brain was in the 1990’s and so much money and research has been put into it since then. We now have a deep understanding of how our evolutionary process as a species impacted who we are today. As Ray Baumeister, among others, found in his research, every last one of us is motivated first and foremost by our need to belong. It manifests slightly differently based on our unique characteristics and life experience, and still our need to belong is deeply embedded in the way our brain processes life.
We, as a species only survived to become what and who we are by working together. This is exactly why the best outcomes today typically come out of collaboration. It is hard work but collaboration ensures we have a broad perspective which provides the best preparation for unintended consequences and response to opportunity.
When each one of us is willing to see the power and potential in working together while valuing the strength and courage revealed by a willingness to stand up against the status quo, we will exceed expectations. Our own and that of the collective.
Life is one big Experiment
An experimental, iterative, approach to life is a recognition of the power and influence of progress. At first reading we may conclude that Einstein and Bishop Tutu were disagreeing in the quotes offered above. I suggest not. They were expressing different ways of acknowledging the human condition. How we recognize the value of the individual and the community is influenced by our life experience, preferences and engagement with our fellow humans. Perhaps we benefit from exploring each of these perspectives. In doing so we shift how we see the world and each other – one experience to the next .
Continuous learning and fresh insights are the goal of the experimental approach. What will the evidence teach us? Moreover, this approach is generative in addition to being iterative. With an experimental collaborative approach, we may find progress is faster and we go further. In collaboration we can crack this, but only together with a willingness to learn and honour the data and the stories will we arrive where we seek to go.
We may be capable of more closely monitoring and learning from our choices and decisions and build capacity to adjust our actions to meet the current situation. Then, we may influence how things unfold. There’s a difference between wanting something and making something happen. With the mindset necessary to perform under pressure we’re able to influence results more deeply. This mindset that relies on clarity, curiosity and a resilient spirit we accept no excuses, only meaningful results. Furthermore, it’s essential we learn to evaluate the risk of any action, removing the very human emotions that cloud our judgment.
Walk with me.
Together let’s examine options consciously and authentically to make choices that move us strategically toward where we want to be. Where may client wants to go is my paramount focus. Strategy is a about choices. Execution on these choices requires masterful performance. Furthermore, a well-developed process allows us to enjoy the journey far more fully
Be part of the journey in 2020.
Start by subscribing to my mailing list . Subscribers receive:
- My interactive exercise to begin reducing the impacts of stress and feelings of overwhelm will be sent.
- My newsletter with the related podcast episode will be sent weekly.
- Special offers will be available to subscribers monthly including: a random offer of a complimentary one hour coaching conversation, access to roundtable engagements and group coaching on identity and related subjects, as well as information on an initiative on which I’m collaborating: #FeMasCon.
How we Bank Our Impact (BYI) Reflects our Humanity
The System
The Bank Your Impact (BYI) System is about both developing and embedding self-awareness. Furthermore, the benefits of expanded resilience, connections built on understanding the impact of belonging and an ability to bolster a professional and authentic presence are foundational. Perhaps more than the other two, developing a foundational resilience is critical to with standing that which moves us into burnout.
The current system incorporates 1:1 coaching, roundtable conversations; eventually I’ll add a neuro-social learning experience (currently only available in organizational contracts but will be added to the system for individual engagement in 2021). My approach is based on the ICF (International Coaching Federation) standards. I’m meeting you (my clients) where you are, both as the coaching agreement begins, and in the moment that exists at the time of each conversation. Progress or growth is not a straight line. The ICA model is the framework for every conversation: Issue/Insight, Choice/Commitment, Action/Accountability. Over the past year I’ve been tightening the model to meet the needs of my clients.
Holding space to support my clients in:
- Developing meaningful insights
- Expanding/deepening perspective on those insights
- Building/designing a practice to try on new ways of being/seeing OR experiment for discovery
- Assessing progress, becoming agile in transfer of learning and application before developing additional insights
An organic experience
The experience is tailored around what you bring to each conversation, in my experience, there are common themes that arise including: self-awareness, mindfulness, mindset, communication, connections, and attitude. Self-awareness stands alone but is also a foundational theme. I have registered upwards of 40 sub-concepts that fit under each of these categories. Furthermore, I bring tools, skills and techniques to respond and guide our work together, informed by positive psychology, neuroscience, and management/leadership research.
Walk With Me, to Where You Want to Be
In all my blog posts in 2019, you will find this section outlines what brought me to this area of focus: supporting people in the early to middle part of their career as a #performance #coach.
Feel like you’re living someone else’s destiny?
If that’s working for you, great. If it isn’t or it starts to be a problem, reach out. I welcome a conversation.
Willing to do the work to find more meaning?
With the skills to unpack the emotions and barriers and triggers and mindset challenges with the skills in my BYI system, participants begin to see the impact in their career and finally begin to discover what matters most to them. The bonus: they begin to see a path to get there. Join me… My system is intended to be meaningful, relevant, accessible and affordable. With that in mind, there are many ways to engage with me. Below are TWO ways to start, without spending a dime.
Walk with Me!
- BOOK a complimentary exploratory 1:1 conversation 20-30 minutes.
- SUBSCRIBE to my mailing list. You’ll receive an interactive exercise that you may use to reduce and manage stress or feelings of overwhelm. PLUS each week you’ll receive my podcast and reflections in your inbox AND you’ll be invited to monthly webinars and roundtable conversations.
In closing, I love bringing learning experiences to workplaces that are interested in raising their performance and encouraging their people.
- Book me to speak at your conference or to a group in your organization. My workshops on building resilience, improving workplace outcomes through relationships, and increasing performance are big hits! In 2020 I’ve added a few workshops on gender engagement – how, by knocking off the boxes that limit us by gender we all find our capacity expands.