About 12 years ago I decided to seriously learn to cook. Of course I had a few standby recipes. I made a mean pot roast, I had been known to put together a dynamite lasagna and I had mastered a really great Italiano Chicken recipe.
I wanted more!
I decided to invest. I visited a local cooking shop downtown—Calphalon—and happily picked out an expensive set of pots & pans of all shapes and varieties. I got a bunch of different utensils and an array of kitchen tools. It was fun and more than I could carry home!
I now HAD to get serious and I did. I asked myself what I most often wanted to order at a restaurant—the answer was Risotto. I love it. I have had good and bad risotto and I have learned over the years to be discerning about where I order it. When I first started to tell friends and colleagues that I was taking up cooking I didn’t even talk about learning Risotto but when I invested in cook books—my favourites include Jamie Oliver’s “The Naked Chef” and “Cook With Jamie”—I noticed some of the basic recipes for Risotto and began wondering when I would be ready to take this on.
Years earlier when I used the metaphor of cooking to elaborate on conversations, I hadn’t realized how great that metaphor really was. When I started to pour over cook books and watch cooking shows to learn different techniques and tricks, I realized I was brilliant—well okay insightful. I will admit, in the middle of my learning I tried making bread and other attempts at baking—THAT IS DIFFERENT and I don’t think the application of the conversation metaphor extends to baking. WHY? Well with cooking you can play and experiment and adjust it to your audience or tastes/desire on that particular day OR even what you find at the market. Baking, in my minimal experience, requires precision and attention to detail which may be a great metaphor for many things BUT not for conversation. You have to be ready to play and experiment with conversation because it is interactive.
In the podcast I promised to write out the recipe I talked about so here it is:
Ingredients
Preparation
Positive Intent
Powerful Questions & Sharing Perspective
Active Listening
Alignment and Understanding
Next Steps
Process
Preparing ahead of time will ensure you bring an open presence, ready to listen and engage. Begin by establishing positive intent. You may do this by acknowledging the other person and outlining a positive and clear purpose. Get to the point now! Build connection blending together powerful, open questions with a sprinkle of just enough of your own perspective to create balance. This is a conversation—no one wants to be interrogated or lectured—so it requires contributions from all parties! Mix thoroughly while folding in plenty of active compassionate listening. Pay attention to the dynamic you’re generating. If the flow is not mixing well, you may want to revisit the positive intent. Don’t rush to develop alignment and understanding. Be prepared to circle back to questions and perspective if the texture isn’t just right. Before you know it you will be ready to design next steps and serve up a healthy outcome.
Practice and adjust the recipe for any conversation.
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Next Week I’ll dig into the ingredients a little more and explore what it means to prepare and bring a Leadership Presence to every conversation. I’ll be sharing a story that taught me just want that would take—a story where it didn’t work out so well but I learned a lot.
Have kickass conversations this week—mix and blend the ingredients and see how they work for you. Share your own recipes in the comment section or on my facebook page. You can make your life and the lives of others better one conversation at a time.