Compassionate Listening. Listening for understanding. It’s more than listening so you can respond or argue your point or criticize the point of the other.
Leadership requires compassionate listening for understanding.
In this series we have explored what a powerful conversation includes. It requires more than listening and yet when the listening is weak all the preparation and all the acknowledgements will fall flat. A leader’s presence is ultimately settled by how they listen NOT how they respond.
On the Monday after I posted my 16th Podcast on listening, Canada hired (elected) their 23rd Prime Minister: Justin Trudeau. Throughout the campaign and in his acceptance (victory) speech, he emphasized the listening he and his party had been doing—NOT for the 11 weeks of the campaign but for the past 3 years. Trudeau was committed to making listening part of his party’s campaign–he emphasized it so much I think it is part of his platform. Over those 3 years he lead the party that held 3rd party status in the House. In his speech he referred to it as an old fashioned strategy. And, while it made me smile, I suggest the power of listening will never go out of fashion. And yet in one of the parts of our society where leadership is critically important—politics—it seems that it may be old fashioned. And like all great fashion maybe it is returning for another day—in Canada anyway. And since great fashion trends do ‘catch on’ who knows.
Here’s Prime Minister-designate Trudeau’s entire Victory Speech. I look forward to seeing how PM Trudeau brings compassionate listening into governance, as it is sorely needed there too.
In the related ImpactBank: the Kickass Koach episode, I share a story about how my team taught me about the importance of listening.
When you listen actively and with compassion you are better prepared to paint the clearest picture, frame the idea in a way that resonates fully and you leave your team knowing you value and care about them. They want to not only work for you but exceed your expectations BECAUSE they feel they are part of the vision and they are part of the picture you’re painting. It seems Mr Trudeau understood this.
“We had a very old fashioned strategy. We met with and talked with as many Canadians as we could. AND we listened….we won this election BECAUSE we listened…”
As you know, active compassionate listening starts with listening for understanding.
It’s amazing what you can accomplish together when people feel heard.
In the early 90’s I had the opportunity to take a few courses and work beside Dr. Barbara Date. She specializes in communication and reconciliation working with corporate, government and church leaders all around the world. Her models in what she calls “the foreign language of caring” are revolutionary. She taught us her model on Active Listening although she preferred to call it compassionate listening. She introduced me to the Chinese symbol for “To Listen” which is instructional. It is the visual for this post.
Incorporating listening for understanding into every conversation will not only build on the skill of acknowledgements we discussed last week, it will build deep connections with your people AND offer you new ideas and solutions that are not available otherwise.
So Active Listening requires:
- Focus on the other person.
- Listening for understanding, rather than to respond–this requires your full undivided attention
- Paraphrasing back to the other person until they confirm you understand
- It signals to the other person you are working to understand.
- It clarifies when there are misunderstandings.
- It slows the pace of the interaction—especially important when there is conflict.
- It reduces the intensity because when people realize you are actually listening they can relax.
- Focus on the other person even as you respond (I offer a couple of examples in the podcast)
So now go out and practice listening…really listening for understanding. AND when you start with a heart-felt acknowledgment followed by listening you will be truly delighted by the way your conversations create authentic connections.
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Next Week we are exploring how to use direct communication as a leader to paint the clearest picture of what is possible to inspire change and growth.
Have kickass conversations this week—focus on listening for understanding. You can start by listening more than you speak and see what changes.
Share your experiences here for others to also learn what they may do to make a difference in their conversations. You can bring people together and make your life and the lives of others better one conversation at a time.