Burnout is far too common place. Take Lily Tomlin’s advice and find fast relief by slowing down. This week I recommend combating this debilitating disease by practicing self compassion.
Burnout is now categorized by the WHO as a disease. that is remarkable.
In the podcast episode dropped Monday, I make a plea for us all to embrace more self compassion. Out of that I suspect we will experience more empathy and compassion for others.
The newsletter, I share three frames that represent the biggest barriers we encounter to breaking cycles of burnout. They are scalable or even breakable walls when met with mindful effort and self compassion.
The Wednesday video on Instagram (abbreviated version) and LinkedIn (full version) is a personal story. A friend responded on LinkedIn seemingly surprised by how personal, perhaps she meant vulnerable, the story is. I hope it is also instructional and inspires people to make changes for them self.
Finally, this post looks at a couple of ways to combat burnout. While my overall antidote for burnout is self compassion, it’s obvious more meat is needed on the bones to help practically.
Self Compassion an Antidote to Burnout
We will all live a better and more productive and meaningful life when we learn to practice self compassion. I recall hearing Sharon Salzberg speak years ago about meditation. It is a practice I incorporated into my life 30 years ago. Sharon asked the audience if we could keep our minds quiet and clear for more than 2 minutes. A few people seemed to say yes they thought they could. She then admitted she could not. Even after working on different forms of meditation and studying the craft since the mid 70’s she admitted she was never able to crack the 2 minute mark. She wasn’t even convinced she had cracked 1 minute that often.
The point she went on to explain was that the attempt was a practice of self compassion. “Just think,” she said, “every time you realize you had a thought and you placed it in a bubble and sent it on its way, you started again. Over and over you stopped the thought and took your self back to your desired state”. The gift of meditation is this repeated act of self compassion and the reminder that you can move on.
Below are three fairly simply ways to consider building a practice of self compassion
Establish, monitor and adhere to a few key guidelines
We may want to call these guidelines, boundaries. I have talked about boundaries many times in the past. My favourite quote from the blog I posted in May: “boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.”
Self Compassion starts with putting your own oxygen mask on FIRST
When we start by selecting one or two boundaries that are important to us, we send our self a message that we matter. This message eventually leaks out to the world. Once we choose one thing and act on it our power to choose another and another grows.
Recently a client mentioned he thought this was something women needed to do. He was adamant that he was strong and “didn’t let others walk all over him”. As we dug into his patterns he started to see how it showed up for him differently but he need to belong and to win favour by giving away apart of him was just as powerful. It showed up differently than he expected but once he saw his need to establish a few boundaries and honour what mattered most to him, it changed his tune.
Build Stronger Social Connections
A new contact I met, as a result of posting this week’s video story on LinkedIn, turned me onto a study out of Wisconsin. They examined early signs of burnout in middle school and high school students. It is sadly showing up in data that burnout is starting earlier. In this case the researchers decided to study the increased evidence of anxiety and panic attacks in young people. Just this week I heard part of a story on The National (CBC News) reporting that panic attacks and anxiety disorders in high schools in British Columbia have doubled in 5 years and that on third of students in Ontario schools report psychological distress. While these are work related they are alarming trends worth further exploration. We know a top reason people miss work is anxiety related. Clearly this is a significant issue.
The Wisconsin study, which I have only had time to skim, suggests talking about the anxiety and feeling like you matter is a significant help to limit the affects of the anxiety. I don’t want to sound like I am minimizing it but it does seem Maslow was onto this in his hierarchy of needs. We need to feel we belong. It is a significant human need. Building connections and talking about what we love and what we fear is a release.
Taking Breaks
It turns out space is a critical component to learning and growth. I’ve talked a lot over the summer about the importance of breaks and rest. I didn’t discuss the power of space. It requires more attention but for this post I will share that researchers have identified that breakthroughs of all kinds occur when space is built into the process. The easiest example of it is something we all experience. We just have to think of a time when we couldn’t remember a name or number or reference when we needed it. So often the name or reference springs to mind once we are on to something else. People report being awakened in the night with the answer jumping to mind. Space is powerful. Giving ourselves plenty of space may ward off burnout and it will certainly help us all perform at a higher level.
We enjoy so much convenience in our current world, to varying degrees around the world of course. Somehow we have put more pressure on ourselves to do more and more without recognizing the best approach to optimizing our internal resources. Reflect on that and find the optimal.
Burnout as dis-ease – scuba dive into the BYI System
Burnout likely evolves from a few sources. Where it leads is the challenge. It helps to find the source of ease to help us live our best life. My Bank Your Impact System is built on the foundation of self-awareness. A healthy meaningful and full life is made possible with clarity on one’s values, beliefs, patterns and habits. This is also influenced and shaped by our unique blend of strengths and inclinations. Furthermore, a growth mindset and open-minded approach are foundations to sustaining this healthy sense of self.
The Bank Your Impact (BYI) System is about both developing and embedding self-awareness. Benefits of expanded resilience, connections built on understanding the impact of belonging and an ability to bolster a professional and authentic presence are foundational. Perhaps more than the other two, developing a foundational resilience is critical to with standing that which moves us into burnout.
The current system incorporates 1:1 coaching, roundtable conversations; eventually I’ll add a neuro-social learning experience (currently only available in organizational contracts but will be added to the system for individual engagement in 2021).
My approach is based on the ICF (International Coaching Federation) standards. I’m meeting you (my clients) where you are, both as the coaching agreement begins, and in the moment that exists at the time of each conversation. Progress or growth is not a straight line. The ICA model is the framework for every conversation: Issue/Insight, Choice/Commitment, Action/Accountability. Over the past year I’ve been tightening the model to meet the needs of my clients.
Holding space to support my clients in:
- Developing meaningful insights
- Expanding/deepening perspective on those insights
- Building/designing a practice to try on new ways of being/seeing OR experiment for discovery
- Assessing progress, becoming agile in transfer of learning and application before developing additional insights
An organic experience
The experience is tailored around what you bring to each conversation, in my experience, there are common themes that arise including: self-awareness, mindfulness, mindset, communication, connections, and attitude. Self-awareness stands alone but is also a foundational theme. I have registered upwards of 40 sub-concepts that fit under each of these categories. I bring tools, skills and techniques to respond and guide our work together, informed by positive psychology, neuroscience, and management/leadership research.
Walk With Me, to Where You Want to Be
In April 2018, I was struck by, what felt like, a call of purpose; an insight of sorts. It inspired me to shift the focus of my practice. I’m now walking with 30 somethings. People who are at a pivotal spot in life and career. Whether THERE by age or spirit, I want to walk with people at this place in their life. This is a time in life when we are natural SEEKERS. We’re ready to do some self exploration & find the real meaning of our life? It is also a time when we are more likely to get stuck and make poor choices.
The research suggests people embrace their inner REBEL during their 20’s (the most rebellious after the toddler days in fact). If you are passive in your 20’s you will want to get curious about that too! Most of us slip quietly and comfortably though into ACCOMMODATOR in our 30’s. This documented pattern grabbed my attention and my mission was made clear. Moreover, I’m intent on resurfacing, or igniting, that inner rebel, whose perspective, now shaped with more experience, may offer insights many typically miss when insight and awareness matter most.
In June 2018 I took a course in story telling. I was intent on finding my “Big Why” to help me understand my purpose for shifting my practice. Ultimately, I landed on my story. It spans from my childhood, with a pivotal point in my early 20’s finally culminating in a significant career turning-point at the age of 37. This story revealed an unhealthy pattern while illuminating my new purpose. In fact, I feel motivated when remembering the moment of insight because this transition is difficult. Ultimately though, it adds meaning to my work. Listen below…
Feel like you’re living someone else’s destiny?
If that’s working for you, great. If it isn’t or it starts to be a problem, reach out. I welcome a conversation.
Willing to do the work to find more meaning?
With the skills to unpack the emotions and barriers and triggers and mindset challenges with the skills in my BYI system, participants begin to see the impact in their career and finally begin to discover what matters most to them. The bonus: they begin to see a path to get there. Join me…
My system is intended to be meaningful, relevant, accessible and affordable. With that in mind, there are many ways to engage with me. Below find THREE ways to get started, without spending a dime.
Walk with Me!
- REGISTERfor an ASK ROX RoundTable… TWO LIVE 50 minute engagements available at your desk or phone – the second Tuesday and the last Friday of every month – limited to 12 participants in each and FREE in 2019.
- BOOK a complimentary exploratory 1:1 conversation 20-30 minutes.
- SUBSCRIBE to my mailing list from my home page, receive an interactive exercise helping you cope with stress, and a weekly reflection.
Of course I’d love to bring my work to your team or workplace, you can…
- Book me to speakat your conference or to a group in your organization. My workshops on building resilience, improving workplace outcomes through relationships, and increasing performance are big hits!