Choice is the Source of Meaning

Choice is not for the faint of heart. When you realize you have choice, life has more meaning, That said, it then holds more risk which may be why so many people hide within or behind the status quo.

In this week’s podcast episode I identify how my newest clients often suggest they don’t feel they have choice in their career. These are young people who have 6-10 years of experience so they’re bringing meaningful experience to the table.  Walking with this group more intensely for the past 6 months has accentuated my understanding of the shift from the rebellious 20’s to the accommodating 30’s. In my Wednesday newsletter, I expand on how choice requires decision making and how that may inspire most of you to avoid seeing choice. Additionally I offer a three-step exercise to help you strengthen you awareness of choice. The weekly video-story on Instagram, which I am now also loading on LinkedIn, shares a cute story of how a 4 year-old schooled me on enthusiastically recognizing choice.

The Fragility of Freedom of Choice

What do I mean by fragility in the freedom to chose? Likely none of us think about it very often which may contribute to the problem. You live a complex life in an increasingly complex world. Additionally, you still live with the biology and developed processing skills of your ancestors from decades and centuries before. Of course the “progress” we enjoy was generated by humans and yet, it often feels like it has been imposed on us. There is no seeming order to the expansion of choice.

Just this week I received 6 quotes to replace the broken treadmill in our condo’s gym. I don’t know anything about this equipment except from a user’s perspective. The price range is $6-20K which is huge, so how do I make a decision along with the other board members? So, as is common for most of us, I focused more at a different level of choice. When doing that, it struck me that the quotes all came from the same vendor. That limited my choice and potentially resulted in over-pricing, or worse. How often are you willing to put checks and balances on your choices? Perhaps you do, when making big ticket purchases. Aren’t there more choices of significance in your life than which car to buy or even which home or neighbourhood to live in?

In brief, falling into the trap of doing what is expected or easy, is understandable. You are inundated with so many choices in the day, you are simply experiences the debilitating impact of “overwhelm”. Below, you will find a suggested approach to experiment with this reality in mind.

Trading Your Choice For?

In the podcast episode on this theme, I talk about trading choice for something.  I talk about surrendering choice! In other words, shifting from Rebel to Accommodator. Do you love and enjoy the work you are doing? Do you feel meaning is central to the choices you’re making? If yes, then the any accommodations you’re making in some areas may be a good investment. In other words, the trade-off is either working for you or at least it’s balanced. If on the other hand, you experience a significant level of dissatisfaction, it may be time to consider whether the price is too high and what to do about it.

First of all, if you wait too long to realize it and make the changes, you may get too invested in a life of surrender to what other’s want. (I support the importance of service, BUT NOT of martyrdom.) Second, if you aren’t sure, and most people don’t stop and think about it enough to even realize what’s not working, perhaps it’s time to figure it out. Third, if you don’t do it in your 30’s it is much harder to take stock and realize the meaning you want in life when you get to your 50’s. Not impossible, but very difficult. Even if you choose to simply make small changes to honour your values and what matters to you, these small actions make everything else a bit more bearable. AND, it allows you to feel connected to that significant part of you.

Embracing Choice Generates Purpose

To identify or generate meaning in your life it helps to recognize and welcome choice. A man in the gym this morning, talking about the changes the board and I are making in our building said, “Change is hard for most of the people here, so it’s great you articulated choice and the majority of people took the opportunity to embrace it. We are already experiencing the positive impact”. (I was working out so I didn’t write it down when he said it so forgive me if I’m paraphrasing!) He’s right. Most of you, perhaps all of us, do not embrace choice because it often entails seeing change as constructive. Humans do love novelty so I ask myself why do we fear, avoid or delay change? I suspect it’s because we lack a belief in our ability to handle it. Additionally, perhaps we often experience change as imposed rather than being a choice.

What if by embracing choice you start to see those little changes you can make yourself? What if by getting better at recognizing all the choices you have, systematizing the ones that really don’t impact you in a meaningful way, and then putting more energy into directing the ones, even the small ones, that really do? How does that sound? Below you’ll find a three step process I encourage you to experiment with.

Choice is an Act of the Rebel

So let’s consider how to chose where choice matters. It seems to me that it makes sense that you enjoy the “auto-pilot” in some areas of your life. As you may recall, from past posts and my podcast, I advocate self-compassion as a standard practice. Allowing yourself to be in this “lazy” state in some areas will, it turns out, strengthen your resolve to make healthy and purpose-driven choices in other areas.

With this in mind here’s a quick set of three questions to ask yourself. Don’t rush through them. Perhaps, so as not to add more pressure, you can ask yourself these three question weekly for 6 weeks and see if the answers evolve or change. Of course, it will help to write down or use your phone to record your answers. This way you will see where they take you over time.

1. In what areas do I want to reduce the pressure of choice by simply adopting a formal plan? (Ideas may include: my food plan, my attire, my brands and or my budget)
2. In what areas do I want to sweat the small stuff? (Ideas may include: food plan, work out, career future, life style, budget, relationships). Please note that there is no prescription for what should be in either #1 or #2. You are required to choose in this exercise but you can see how it frees you to focus on where you want to expend energy.
3. What is an area that really matters to me that didn’t make either list AND what may it mean that it didn’t? (Sometimes seeing, with reflection and, perhaps over time, what doesn’t even make either list will offer an interesting insight so don’t skip this question just because they answers are harder to see.)

 

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How We Can Walk together…

Is finding purpose and meaning in your life and in your career important to you?

Are you ready to unpack the tough stuff so you can find your north star?

Is your career all that you want it to be and more? If you answered yes to this last one, I’m so happy for you. Don’t you want that for everyone you know? THEN, pass on my message to everyone in your network in case it resonates for them.