When we focus on the pain and the emotions elicited, we miss the lesson and the potential to grow. Put a check on the emotions.

The 2020 theme of identity continues with this week’s focus on putting a check on our emotions. Essentially, our many identities leave us vulnerable to emotional reactions in unique ways distinct to our identities. Additionally, when our stories become our identity, we find our self caught in a cycle of over-reaction.

In the Kickass Koach podcast episode dropped August 10th, I discuss how our brain is inclined to jump to conclusions. In other words, it is integral to being human. That means we have plenty of opportunities to correct the built in bug.

For the newsletter, I share my S.O.B. approach to mitigate the impact of our human operating system vulnerability.

Finally, in this post I expand on the S.O.B. and discuss the ABC’s of taking back some perspective.

Emotions Running High

This week I re-watched the Sandra Bland Story – Say Her Name. As once again I observed the interaction Sandy had with the officer I was reminded of how easily people are triggered to react. Unfortunately we rarely recognize the moment when we feel compelled to behave badly.

You can see the officer as he feels his status is questioned by Sandy simply answering his question honestly. His response is to double down. He then has to demand she put her cigarette out. She questions the command and he escalates from there. He was in a position of power so it was his responsibility to notice his emotions and put them in check but he failed to do so.

The same is true for a parent who is “provoked” by a parent or a boss by their direct report.

When we become more skilled at identifying the moment we are triggered, we may then be prepared to respond more effectively. Less is more. By simply noticing what is happening and taking a step back to see a full array of options, many conflicts will either be averted or translated into wonderful learning opportunities.

Emotions in Check are Powerful Tools

Additionally, emotions are the tool used to gain support and connection. When we develop and nurture effective communication skills we have tools to bring people together. We accomplish more together than we can alone. Unfortunately, these skills are either in short supply at times OR they are abandoned in difficult moments. We need to practice these skills in good times to be able to access them when they are sorely needed.

Finally, and related to the above, emotions in check allow us to recognize opportunities that we otherwise miss. When we are able to see our own reaction to a situation, we are in a better position to manage it or master it effectively. In the hands of someone seeking to accomplish good things, this is a very powerful tool.

Emotions Generating Curiosity More Than Conflict

Curiosity helps us build the skills that allow us to keep our emotions in check. Curiosity is a mindset. Nurturing this mindset is helpful. When we can move quickly into curiosity, we are less controlled by the emotions. Curiosity reveals other options so we do not need to react quickly when feeling threatened.

We benefit from choosing to expand our curiosity. When we are confronted in a disagreement, curiosity shifts the nature of the conversation. Moreover, when we are challenged, we can recognize the threat quickly and choose to express interest in expanding our understanding.

Being curious about why someone reacted to me a certain way takes the sting or power out of it. My curiosity allows me to assess the situation instead of reacting to it.

Life is one big Experiment

Human engagement, whether in the form of cooperation or conflict, is a part of every person’s life. I regularly remind my self and clients that we teach others how to treat us by our own responses to their behaviour. Life is one big experiment. Being aware of what provokes or threatens us is an opportunity to learn more about our self and what matters to us. Shifting how we look at every exchange is full of great lessons. As one of my favourite theoretical physicist said, “When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.” –  Max Planck

Continuous learning and fresh insights are the goal of the experimental approach. What will the evidence teach us? Moreover, this approach is generative in addition to being iterative. With an experimental collaborative approach, we may find progress is faster and we go further.  In collaboration we can crack this, but only together with a willingness to learn and honour the data and the stories will we arrive where we seek to go.

We may be capable of more closely monitoring and learning from our choices and decisions and build capacity to adjust our actions to meet the current situation. Then, we may influence how things unfold. There’s a difference between wanting something and making something happen. With the mindset necessary to perform under pressure we’re able to influence results more deeply. This mindset that relies on clarity, curiosity and a resilient spirit we accept no excuses, only meaningful results. Furthermore, it’s essential we learn to evaluate the risk of any action, removing the very human emotions that cloud our judgment.

Walk with me.

Together let’s examine options consciously and authentically to make choices that move us strategically toward where we want to be.  Where may client wants to go is my paramount focus. Strategy is a about choices. Execution on these choices requires masterful performance. Furthermore, a well-developed process allows us to enjoy the journey far more fully

Be part of the journey in 2020.

Start by subscribing to my mailing list . Subscribers receive:

1. My interactive exercise to begin reducing the impacts of stress and feelings of overwhelm will be sent.
2. My newsletter with the related podcast episode will be sent weekly.
3. Special offers will be available to subscribers monthly including: a random offer of a complimentary one hour coaching conversation, access to roundtable engagements and group coaching on identity and related subjects, as well as information on an initiative on which I’m collaborating: #FeMasCon.

Learn to Find the Lessons with Bank Your Impact (BYI)

The Bank Your Impact (BYI) System is about both developing and embedding self-awareness. Furthermore, the benefits of expanded resilience, connections built on understanding the impact of belonging and an ability to bolster a professional and authentic presence are foundational. Perhaps more than the other two, developing a foundational resilience is critical to with standing that which moves us into burnout.

Walk with Me!