How limiting beliefs impact our mindset is one of the most interesting and powerful lessons I continue to learn in my life.
In this episode of my podcast, I tell a story about how I caught myself about to make a huge decision based on a limiting belief that said, “A responsible leader puts everyone else FIRST.”
If you haven’t listened to both episodes of the podcast series on Mindset (Episodes #7 and #8) I invite you to do that now.
What I didn’t share in Episode #8 is that the vacation I almost cancelled was a trip west to see my parents/family for Christmas. I believed it was the last Christmas I would ever spend with my Dad—and it was. Interestingly when we got the final diagnosis in late March and he entered palliative care in April, my decision in December paved the way for me to make a much bigger decision in April. I chose to go on family leave for April, May and part of June. I chose to trust my team would manage without me while I supported my mother and spent time with my father.
This wasn’t a career-focused decision BUT it was a fantastic life decision. (By the way my team did extremely well. So well we won the Corinthian Award–best division–for the year ending June 30th.) The memories and amazing stories I have about those weeks with my Dad and supporting my Mom are some of the most precious.
So as I am considering the significance of this particular choice I ask myself, “would it really have mattered if my plan had been to visit Italy or even to have personal time to putter around in my own garden?” Part of me felt justified because of the purpose for my vacation. As I look back on it though, I suppose that a leader who doesn’t know her own boundaries or isn’t willing to honour her own needs even when it’s not convenient for everyone else, isn’t likely to be a healthy productive leader.
So, how do we know when it is a limiting belief that is guiding a decision. Well, in the story I told my hint was the anger I felt. Anger itself doesn’t provide justification and yet it stopped me and allowed me to consider “WHY” I would sacrifice my needs in reaction to the actions of others. I suppose any strong emotion could be a clue but the point is to stop and seek perspective. My first thought was, “I don’t have a choice.” Of course I had a choice. We always have choice. Realizing how easily we throw our hands up in frustration, I decided instead to notice the moments when it happens to me. Interestingly I discovered it was often when I was cornered by a limiting belief. Now I stop myself and try to dig into the belief to understand where it comes from and whether it serves me. Try it. You may be surprised at all the old and limiting messages you have accumulated over time.
Once you are able to recognize the limiting beliefs you are ready to see how they create your attitude and drive your mindset. You’ll learn how your limiting beliefs are embedding a particular mindset—a mindset that may be getting in your way.
A limiting belief is often a “should” or “shouldn’t” statement. I should be willing to sacrifice as a leader. I should listen to everyone’s perspective before I decide my own. I shouldn’t speak my mind when it isn’t appreciated. I should know more and be more prepared before I apply for that next level of leadership. I shouldn’t be selfish and act on my own needs when it impacts others.
I suggest you, and I, stop “shoulding” on ourselves! Frankly no one can make her best decision when she is caught in a mindset based on limiting beliefs.
Limiting Beliefs are powerful. You will often find they sprout out of stereotypes or biases so watch for any that may be driving your thinking or behaviour. A limiting belief is so deeply embedded into your subconscious that you act on it with conviction without even thinking about it. These beliefs make it easier for us to make decisions, navigate a day and feel comfortable with the difficulties of life. They DO NOT serve you though. They only control you and hold you back.
Join my mailing list and you will receive a worksheet by the end of August that supports your thinking and learning on Mindset. The handout will break down the suggestions I make in the episodes and build on them.
Next Week: The Growth and Fixed Mindset. What makes you want to stay fixed and comfortable rather than embracing the possibilities of growth? After all, isn’t that where all the opportunity is?