Framing the Scenes

Framing the scenes of your life comes naturally. Furthermore, each one of us does it daily. Consciously recognizing one’s frames not only supports self-awareness, it enhances a better understanding of the world. Building a successful career requires the skill of both framing consciously and re-framing thoughtfully.

The Kickass Koach podcast this week examines how consciously re-framing expands perspective. In the example of how engaging in re-framing with others during a conversation with my mastermind group I was reminded of how a mentor or support system is critical to nurturing this skill.

In this week’s newsletter I share a client story that depicts how re-framing his vision for his business turned his approach and his firm around. The Wednesday Instagram and LinkedIn (the full version) story is about how when we are open to seeing the world through the frame of another it enriches our own perspective.

Finally, this blog post closes my week of posts and is an attempt to offer a recap of the week and….

“It’s difficult to see the picture when you’re inside the frame.” – Eugene Kleinet

Moving Outside the Frame

Most of us are stuck, to varying degrees, in a frame of our own making. We may not even realize it. Unfortunately, because it is almost impossible to see it until we move away from the grip it has on us, most people never break free.

Two things are critical to making the move outside the frame that is holding us small. First, welcome and even seek meaningful feedback. Second, develop a system or habit or pattern for regular self-reflection to test the frames that limit thinking.

Why? The Benefits

Motivation to take the leap is the most difficult element when choosing to live a more fulfilled and meaningful life. This is why, as Simon Sinek regularly reminds us, we need to look at the BIG WHY. This is essentially an examination of the benefits of doing the work rather than focusing first on how to make the move. Two are highlighted herein.

 Benefit #1 – Clarity of Vision

In this week’s newsletter I share a story of a client who was willing to let go of his dream because he just couldn’t re-frame his vision. He was so sure of his idea and he was willing to put his reputation and financial resource behind it but it wasn’t working. He was ready to step into the comfortable space of past success and abandon his vision. With a framing exercise he started to see the situation from the perspectives of others. By reshaping and expanding his view he saw opportunities to shift rather than abandon his goal.

There are times when by simply shifting the angle on a shot, the whole picture becomes clearer. When each of us is willing to do the work to see something  a new, possibilities that were dormant come to life, right before our very eyes.

Benefit #2 – Expanded Options

Framing work is a common exercise I use with clients. Recently when half way through a client asked, what are we doing. This was a client who needed more control before diving in. I revisited the beautiful work she did imagining her first frame and spent two minutes outlining how the sausage was made! Thankfully I had developed enough rapport with this client to read her anxiety effectively. We were both amazed and delighted with the work she did on the alternative frames that followed. Many clients when simply asked what they want to see changed in their career respond saying, I don’t know. It’s such a common response I don’t bother asking until they have developed all kinds of alternative frames.

Learning to examine one’s frames with an eye for the detail and then getting comfortable flipping or dusting off that frame is an act of courage. Courage because new possibilities along with disappointment with the limitations that have been accepted in the current frame can be overwhelming. Fun and deep insights come when new options start to take shape and come alive.

Want to know the rest of the benefits that await those willing to take the leap out of a current frame? Walk with me.

How? Try This On

Get ready to take a walk with me to examine your frames. Try it on for size. It is not nearly as revealing when flying solo but here are two things to do in preparation.

Discovering or Identifying Frames

Discovering a frame isn’t that hard and it’s okay to start with an easy one. With practice, looking at the tough frames becomes more manageable. Some of the toughest include those define parameters around gender, money, food, sex, or work habits, becomes more manageable.

Look for something that constantly creates hardship in your life. It may be food or energy or health. These are all big but can be made easier by focusing on one small element. For food, it may be the frame put on dessert as a component of a meal or more specifically, something as “simple” as consuming sugar.

My 15 year old niece is living with me for a few weeks so this frame came to mind readily. She ate a lot of sweets when she was little. It was difficult to withhold or redirect the sugar. She was developing a frame. Of course talking about health makes no impact on a 4-year old. One day though, it seemed our efforts paid off. It turns out, from what she tells me today, it was the influence of her older brother talking more generally about challenging himself to be healthier and her hearing me talk about not eating after 8 PM and the value in maintaining an even blood sugar that prompted her to internalize the messages and her frame slowly shifted. She loves the occasional DARK chocolate now but she is a very conscientious eater, choosing as she said, to “listen to her body” rather than her cravings.

Challenging the Frame

In the little anecdote I share about my niece, her frame was challenged almost organically, slowly over time. For children and young adults, proximity is the best challenge of a frame. The brain is more malleable when we are young so, as we get older, frames require more focused interventions.

Once you uncover a frame, like the one I outlined above and in my newsletter, it’s still difficult to challenge it successfully alone. That may be why coaching is such a sought after service. Coaching, unlike most therapies, is generative in its focus on building from strengths. To challenge a frame in a lasting way this approach is typically most helpful.

The newsletter example was an executive client in his early 60’s who was really stuck in his frame so my intervention and advice was extremely direct. He was open to direct and straightforward talk so it moved him to action. Today, working with 30 somethings, while the brain is still largely open and somewhat malleable, the exploration  and development of insights is largely pleasant for us both.

For readers, unable to afford a coach at this time, I suggest you look for a mastermind or something like my Ask Rox RoundTables as a sounding board or opportunity to test a frame or two. When a frame is challenged it will either be experienced as anger or sadness or dismay. Sometime people feel pangs of desire for change, which is very tied to the initial feelings of anger. That is an earlier indicator of a frame that needs to be dusted off or shaken dramatically.

 

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Frames Reveal and Instruct – Real Change & the BYI System

My Bank Your Impact System is designed to be a journey deep within. While our inner life influences our performance, we make a difference externally. The frames we create help us make sense of the world. They’re also a way of organizing our thoughts as we seek options and make choices. Being conscious of one’s frames and determining which to use and when helps a person guide their way through their career. The framing work we do is perhaps best illustrated by my motto – “when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change” (Max Planck).

At its core, the BYI System seeks to shed light on the participant’s strengths and values, realizing that everything they produce in their life bubbles out of them through the intervening limiting beliefs, attitudes, mindset, patterns and habits. Our frames offer clues helping navigate our journey to self awareness.

The Bank Your Impact (BYI) System is about both developing and embedding self-awareness. Benefits of expanded resilience, connections built on understanding the impact of belonging and an ability to bolster a professional and authentic presence are foundational.

The current system incorporates 1:1 coaching, roundtable conversations; eventually I’ll add a neuro-social learning experience (currently only available in organizational contracts but will be added to the system for individual engagement in 2021).

My approach is based on the ICF (International Coaching Federation) standards. I’m meeting you (my clients) where you are, both as the coaching agreement begins, and in the moment that exists at the time of each conversation. Progress or growth is not a straight line. The ICA model is the framework for every conversation: Issue/Insight, Choice/Commitment, Action/Accountability. Over the past year I’ve been tightening the model to meet the needs of my clients.

 

Holding space to support my clients in:

• Developing meaningful insights
• Expanding/deepening perspective on those insights
• Building/designing a practice to try on new ways of being/seeing OR experiment for discovery
• Assessing progress, becoming agile in transfer of learning and application before developing additional insights

An organic experience

The experience is tailored around what you bring to each conversation, in my experience, there are common themes that arise including: self-awareness, mindfulness, mindset, communication, connections, and attitude. Self-awareness stands alone but is also a foundational theme. I have registered upwards of 40 sub-concepts that fit under each of these categories. I bring tools, skills and techniques to respond and guide our work together, informed by positive psychology, neuroscience, and management/leadership research.

 

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In April 2018, I was struck by, what felt like, a call of purpose; an insight of sorts. It inspired me to shift the focus of my practice. I’m now  walking with 30 somethings. People who are at a pivotal spot in life and career. Whether THERE by age or spirit, I want to walk with people at this place in their life. This is a time in life when we are natural SEEKERS. We’re ready to do some self exploration & find the real meaning of our life? It is also a time when we are more likely to get stuck and make poor choices.