Joy Lifts All Boats From the Inside-Out

Joy is completely internal and struggling to be heard in the very loud world of social media. A reality that’s almost exclusively externally focused.

In this week’s podcast, dropped Monday, I reflect on how, by attaching our self worth to winning or an external definition of success, we find an empty joy. The newsletter delves into joy as a potential brand or leadership ideal. In my Instagram and LinkedIn story I reflect on the joy I felt when catching up with old friends. How the lost art of conversation comes to life when rekindling relationships where it grew and blossomed. Finally, in this Friday post, as usual, I wrap up the theme by exploring a few of the insights that surfaced throughout the week. Check out the links to connect with me in the footer AND the connection between this theme and my BYI (Bank Your Impact) system that I explore just above the footer.

Falsified Purpose Diminishes Joy

Recently, while developing my practice in support of 30-somethings, I’ve been challenged and inspired to think more about purpose. Its elusive qualities in particular. A client described her experience as “I feel like I am living someone else’s destiny.” This vulnerable admission stunned me. She is clearly feeling pain. Exploring the concept of falsified purpose this week, I thought of this young professional woman and realized what she’s feeling is a response to a falsified purpose.

Defining Falsified Purpose

I first heard this phrase listening to the Ezra Klein Show (a podcast put out by Vox Media) back in April. I’m a regular listener to Ezra’s conversations and I’ve referenced them here before. It was a off-hand remark; the speaker wasn’t trying to coin a new expression. There was no attempt to define the term itself. Ezra was interviewing Anne Helen Petersen who recently wrote an article in BuzzFeed on “millennial burnout” and Derek Thompson, who, writing for the Atlantic, published an article on “workism”.

I extrapolated the concept for myself from this very insightful conversation. I’m intrigued by how it may apply deeply to many of my new clients. I googled it in search of other references. There are none. However an interesting definition came up: “modifying a document for the purpose of deceiving another person”. It’s interesting when expanded to consider how people deceive them self.  Is joy elusive because so many of us deceive our self?

Falsified Purpose defined: living consumed by a purpose that is not one’s own in the belief that it is what is expected and therefore what will bring pure joy.

Expanding Joy

From the definition I offer above you may conclude that I believe joy is most readily found when pushing back on the system. That’s partly true. It is, however, only a small part of the point I wish to make. Expanding joy, in fact, requires that each person build deep connections, discover what brings joy and have the strength of character to establish the boundaries that allow them to be in that deep state of joy more of the time. Not all of the time – that would be unrealistic. Finally, I love the concept I first learned from Dr. Greg Wells – seek 1% incremental growth. Hence, I use the word “more”. Next week’s theme builds on one important aspect of expanding joy so I’m returning to expand my exploration.

While connections and character influence joy, expanding joy is directly related to self-awareness. Moreover, a deep sense of self is a foundation for expanding joy. Weeks ago I shared the following conversation between Alice in Wonderland and Cat.

“Cat: Where are you going?
Alice: Which way should I go?
Cat: That depends on where you are going.
Alice: I don’t know.
Cat: Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

The post makes the point that the joy and wonder of being lost emanates from the discovery that lays ahead. Here I offer it to encourage a willingness to dig more deeply rather accepting a potential falsified purpose. Joy is a worthy goal in life. Consider the state of FLOW ,as described by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Listen to his TEDTALK.  Csikszentmihalyi speaks about the roots of happiness.  Happiness is good. ultimately, I believe joy is a more meaningful but related goal.

Reaching for Joy

Reaching for joy rather than grabbing joy sounds reasonable. As I’m writing this I’m wondering if a better word is recognizing. Perhaps we need to first learn what situations bring us joy so we can increase the chances of it reoccurring. This morning a friend reminded me that joy isn’t about achieving a desired state and staying there. It’s about learning from where joy originates and recognizing it’s in the contrast to its polar opposite that joy captures its most profound intensity.

Joy in Self Awareness

In my experience, personally and professionally, a deep awareness is a joyful experience. The most profoundly joyous is the state of increased self-awareness. Additionally, joy comes as a result of solving a pervasive pesky problem through some new insight or awareness. Perhaps I see these two most clearly because of the work I do with executives and organizations as a coach and performance consultant. In my transition to focus my practice almost exclusively to working with young professionals in their 30’s I continue to see the connection. Moreover, I’ve learned deep self-awareness is foundational to all human growth.

Realizing one’s strengths and how to lean into using them more fully to realize a dream or a goal is a joyful experience.

Recognizing how to frame a situation in a healthier way while gaining a deeper appreciation for one’s perspective and value expands joy.

 

The Joy of Leadership

In the newsletter I introduce you to Jim Stengel’s book Grow. I hadn’t thought of that book in years and it surfaced as I reflected on the concept of being a song and the reference to Coke’s use of “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing”. I moved past the annoyance I feel when the Coca-Cola ad version of the song continually invaded my head this week upon remembering his reference to eliciting joy. Stengel identifies 5 brand ideals that include: eliciting joy, provoking pride, inspiring exploration, enabling connection and inspiring society.

While these are great frames around which to develop a brand, as you’ll see in his book, they are also a great reference point to develop your own personal brand in your career as a leader or an individual contributor.

This week I opened an exploratory conversation with a prospective client by asking him where he finds joy in his current career. That was the first time I asked it that way and it provoked an amazing discovery for us both. Consider reflecting on that question yourself and perhaps it is worth an hour of time writing in your journal. Leadership of people and enterprises is a very difficult undertaking. It requires resilience, presence and the ability to create a space where belonging is valued. To sustain the skills required to lead, knowing yourself and what ideals are core to who you are is essential.

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BYI System

 

How does this week’s theme to my BYI system?

 

Joy isn’t a core concept in the system. While most clients report increased self-confidence or self-awareness, a recognition of what adds joy or self satisfaction is often an underlying element. It fuels joy. Joy aligns the Key Benefits in unique ways. The capacity to grow Resilience focuses on a blending of passion, purpose and persistence. What is more joyful than realizing a desired and deeply meaningful goal. This week my posts highlight the connection between experiencing Belonging and a deep joy. Finding and owning a seat at the table and being able to facilitate that for others is a deeply rewarding – a joyful experience.  Lastly, Presence is a more powerful when it’s both a source of and a means to deep feelings of joy.

 

Joy is a side effect to seeing oneself through our character strengths. Many people and organizations focus on what needs to be fixed. In organizations leaders are asked to create performance improvement plans and offer constructive feedback to their direct reports. The focus is on mistakes or where improvement is needed or required. In the BYI system the focus is on self-awareness of strengths. When we lead from a deep understanding and awareness of our unique set of strengths, we operate with more joy and performance soars.

 

Essentially, the search for and experience of joy expands the participant’s capacity to perform as an individual contributor and as part of a highly proficient team. Performance, which is related to monitoring and adjusting one’s intensity, is a desired outcome of the system and my work with 30-somethings. It starts with appreciating and aligning with the inside – the being. It moves to the outward reflection of the joy of self-discovery through one’s actions – the doing.