Life examined is effortful and it is joyous. What is the lesson from this difficult situation? What is another way to look at this problem? A life examined doesn’t mean the ego is eradicated but it is firmly placed in the back seat for a while.
How we examine our life does matter though.
I express annoyance in the podcast episode dropped Monday. Annoyance with the many conversations that leave me feeling hollow and empty. Why am I wasting my time!? Additionally I reflect briefly on the Einstein quote that reminds me that imagination is potentially a more critical component in embracing the examined life than knowledge.
For the newsletter I focus more on how the inner and outer experience can and must learn to dance together. I believe that we will be happier and better off when we learn to combine them. Moreover, when we see them as connected without giving up the value or mistaking the purpose of each. Is that potentially where we discover profound meaning?
In the Wednesday video post on Instagram (abbreviated version)and LinkedIn, I share how the lesson from an old boss and mentor.
Finally, in this post I examine two insights I’ve had about my process to live an examined life. I hope they offer the reader with opportunities to reflect on their own.
The Intentional or Formal Discovery
Some people are naturals. They examine everything they think and do. Perhaps these are the people we so often refer to “analytical”. Furthermore, they may be extreme in their non-responsive engagement and less assertive in the typical sense of the word. They are reflectors and thinkers and comfortable staying with a problem or puzzle longer than the average person. This is a small percentage of people. It is a skill set you can learn though. It is this group that may underscore the skills the rest of us can work on to get better at self reflection and grow our self-awareness.
Some people naturally resist this internal examination at all costs. We may refer to these people as the “expressive”. They are living out side their heads most of the time, appearing to love life and experiences to the extreme sometimes. Moreover, they are highly responsive and engaging and very assertive in their effervescence. While it seems this is far from the introspective style of the self examined life, we can learn a lot from this group too.
Learning From the Extremes
First of all, it is about recognizing the value in both the analytical and the expressive style as part of the full human experience.
To be one who lives an examined life it may require you to both value and incorporate both of these styles to some degree. The gift of the analytical is in knowing that the more one knows, the more there is to know. The person who can embrace this style to live an examined life will continuously expand their natural curiosity. The barrier the analytical person must confront is how this paralyzes them from taking action.
Secondly, the expressive shows us all the power of active energy that is resilient and spirited. Capable of pushing through obstacles and moving past failure. A person gifted in this style is not stuck anywhere long. They over come the odds and make things work. The down-side for people who are unable to temper this style is failing to see the cautionary signs and falling over an avoidable cliff.
An examined life is served by a process that sees the value in both of these extremes and learns a healthy dance. To take action and test concepts while respecting the evidence that is available along the way. Whether choosing a practice of meditation or research or inquiry as a means to develop greater wisdom, action and engagement in both the internal and external realm is important.
How to Intentionally Examine Within
Now that I’ve argued one way of seeing the extreme internal and external perspectives, the question still is about how to dive into the practice of examining from within.
It is not a straightforward journey. In other words, there isn’t a cookie cutter answer. This is why I decided to work with my clients privately before starting groups. I suggest group interaction is a better way to get at self awareness. It is more effective because we are social creatures. We are so connected, one to the other, that our self-awareness is deeply tied to those around us and to society as a whole.
That said, I recommend that those who have the courage to dig deeply into self awareness and aren’t ready for a coach, yet, check out this weekends newsletter post and reflect on the series of questions I offer. When ready for more register for my Ask Rox RoundTables on Zoom or consider participating in a conference I am co-chairing in Toronto in November called the #FeMasCon – ference. We are digging into identify and culture and performance with a healthy twist.
The Universe Requires It
I must admit I have flushed out my insight about building an intentional practice for living an examined life. Still, I think the significance of each of us doing this work to the universe is worth sharing.
The universe is hard to internalize. It is almost impossible to personalize and it is large. Just the same, if everything is connected, and it is, then the work each of us does to develop better self-awareness benefits the whole world.
In the conference materials my co-creator and I used the language of “change the world”. One person who offered feedback suggested that was over used today. “It has lost some of its meaning” were the exact words. I think there is truth to that and that is sad. Is it because we aren’t able to see the ripple effect of our actions? Are we exhausted by the message that what we do and say matters to the lives of others? To the future of the universe?
One of my favourite quotes, and I still don’t know to whom I should attribute is: “the strength in one of us, comes from all of us.” If that is true, and I believe it is, then surely we realize that our families, communities, societies and the entire world will be stronger and healthier when each individual does their work to be more self-aware. To be less reactive and protective and fearful.
Only when each of us, with the help of our communities, does the honest and sincere work of self examination to gain clarity and awareness, will we find peace and understanding. We will find it first from within and then it will start to spread far beyond the self.
My two insights…
..as described above, essentially drive me to be curious until it jabs or touches something deep within. I am not looking to experience pain but rather to examine feeling. By touches something I mean it goes deep enough to bump up against a nerve. Then it is my responsibility to find the lesson, to find the next insight that will help me know my self and the world around me more intimately. This work is not for the faint of heart. Be bold and fearless and dig in to really know yourself so you are able to give all of you to the world around you without reservation.
Self-awareness is Essential & the core of the BYI System
Living an examined life may feel like a daunting endeavour. Moreover it is emotionally fraught. My Bank Your Impact System is built on the foundation of self-awareness.I The belief that to dig deeper within is to find the gold. I am refreshed and encouraged by the number of clients who make a point of telling me how life changed by simply realizing their own depth. I can get through the toughest days knowing my work adds meaning and hope for people. In fact, the being, in this work, does the same for me.
A healthy meaningful and full life is made possible with clarity on one’s values, beliefs, patterns and habits. This is also influenced and shaped by our unique blend of strengths and inclinations. Furthermore, a growth mindset and open-minded approach are foundations to sustaining this healthy sense of self.
The System
The Bank Your Impact (BYI) System is about both developing and embedding self-awareness. Benefits of expanded resilience, connections built on understanding the impact of belonging and an ability to bolster a professional and authentic presence are foundational. Perhaps more than the other two, developing a foundational resilience is critical to with standing that which moves us into burnout.
The current system incorporates 1:1 coaching, roundtable conversations; eventually I’ll add a neuro-social learning experience (currently only available in organizational contracts but will be added to the system for individual engagement in 2021).
My approach is based on the ICF (International Coaching Federation) standards. I’m meeting you (my clients) where you are, both as the coaching agreement begins, and in the moment that exists at the time of each conversation. Progress or growth is not a straight line. The ICA model is the framework for every conversation: Issue/Insight, Choice/Commitment, Action/Accountability. Over the past year I’ve been tightening the model to meet the needs of my clients.
Holding space to support my clients in:
- Developing meaningful insights
- Expanding/deepening perspective on those insights
- Building/designing a practice to try on new ways of being/seeing OR experiment for discovery
- Assessing progress, becoming agile in transfer of learning and application before developing additional insights
An organic experience
The experience is tailored around what you bring to each conversation, in my experience, there are common themes that arise including: self-awareness, mindfulness, mindset, communication, connections, and attitude. Self-awareness stands alone but is also a foundational theme. I have registered upwards of 40 sub-concepts that fit under each of these categories. I bring tools, skills and techniques to respond and guide our work together, informed by positive psychology, neuroscience, and management/leadership research.
Walk With Me, to Where You Want to Be
In April 2018, I was struck by, what felt like, a call of purpose; an insight of sorts. It inspired me to shift the focus of my practice. I’m now walking with 30 somethings. People who are at a pivotal spot in life and career. Whether THERE by age or spirit, I want to walk with people at this place in their life. This is a time in life when we are natural SEEKERS. We’re ready to do some self exploration & find the real meaning of our life? It is also a time when we are more likely to get stuck and make poor choices.
The research suggests people embrace their inner REBEL during their 20’s (the most rebellious after the toddler days in fact). If you are passive in your 20’s you will want to get curious about that too! Most of us slip quietly and comfortably though into ACCOMMODATOR in our 30’s. This documented pattern grabbed my attention and my mission was made clear. Moreover, I’m intent on resurfacing, or igniting, that inner rebel, whose perspective, now shaped with more experience, may offer insights many typically miss when insight and awareness matter most.
In June 2018 I took a course in story telling. I was intent on finding my “Big Why” to help me understand my purpose for shifting my practice. Ultimately, I landed on my story. It spans from my childhood, with a pivotal point in my early 20’s finally culminating in a significant career turning-point at the age of 37. This story revealed an unhealthy pattern while illuminating my new purpose. In fact, I feel motivated when remembering the moment of insight because this transition is difficult. Ultimately though, it adds meaning to my work. Listen below…
Feel like you’re living someone else’s destiny?
If that’s working for you, great. If it isn’t or it starts to be a problem, reach out. I welcome a conversation.
Willing to do the work to find more meaning?
With the skills to unpack the emotions and barriers and triggers and mindset challenges with the skills in my BYI system, participants begin to see the impact in their career and finally begin to discover what matters most to them. The bonus: they begin to see a path to get there. Join me…
My system is intended to be meaningful, relevant, accessible and affordable. With that in mind, there are many ways to engage with me. Below find THREE ways to get started, without spending a dime.
Walk with Me!
- REGISTERfor an ASK ROX RoundTable… TWO LIVE 50 minute engagements available at your desk or phone – the second Tuesday and the last Friday of every month – limited to 12 participants in each and FREE in 2019.
- BOOK a complimentary exploratory 1:1 conversation 20-30 minutes.
- SUBSCRIBE to my mailing list from my home page, receive an interactive exercise helping you cope with stress, and a weekly reflection.
Of course I’d love to bring my work to your team or workplace, you can…
- Book me to speakat your conference or to a group in your organization. My workshops on building resilience, improving workplace outcomes through relationships, and increasing performance are big hits!8