Meaningful change is the dream. It is a lovely goal. Change, the imposed kind, is inevitable. Furthermore, meaningful change requires intentional-ity.
This week’s podcast episode dropped Monday, I focus largely on systemic change. How social progress often is sparked by anger. It is what is beneath the anger that offers clues to how to apply it for personal change as well.
For the newsletter I outline my three step model for navigating meaningful change. Additionally, I offer a fourth. It’s the component I think is the gift of working with a coach.
In the Wednesday video post on Instagram (abbreviated version)and LinkedIn, I share a story of a leader who demonstrated understanding of the most common change buster. He recognized that it was human emotion that made up the strongest resistance to meaningful change.
Finally, in this post, I explore what makes meaningful change possible by further detailing the four components outlined in the newsletter. The probability of meaningful change, by choice or desire, increases when three things are incorporated. The three outlined with stories below are: distinct or profound dissatisfaction exists; a clear vision of the future is developed; and small point of momentum are identified.
Meaningful Change Revealed by Dissatisfaction
A need for change is typically instigated by a feeling of threat. The feeling may start small. As it continues to push on us, we experience growing dissatisfaction. It may be a boring or even a highly charged or stressful work environment. Additionally, my clients report feeling lack of purpose or joy in their work. Moreover, the feeling of dissatisfaction invades our thinking and eventually our physical well being.
Those experiencing a serious illness often find enormous courage to make the necessary change. It may be an obvious signal that action is required. Perhaps examining where anger is sparked is a good place to start looking for signs that meaningful change may be useful. However, anger is not always the reliable emotion. It is often the signal though. Furthermore, we will find the most painful and motivating emotion beneath the anger. It is worthwhile to dive down and have a look at it. This is the emotion that will sabotage you if you leave it simmering under the surface unchecked.
A story…
Jenna (not her real name) was my client a few years ago. She was seriously sexually harassed by a co-worker. They were both senior executives in a large corporation. Moreover, she often found herself required to travel with and attend conferences with this colleague creating awkward situations.
When we started working together, Jenna was notably angry. She came to each conversation needing to explore a fresh conflict with someone in her life. Ultimately, she recognized and revealed the source of the anger. She was in fear and self-doubt all of the time. Furthermore she felt she wasn’t performing well or enjoying her work any more.
Finally, after three weeks working together, she admitted she wanted to make a significant change. After exploring several options, she made the decision to leave that workplace and start her own company. In spite of the initial loss she felt in leaving, the release of pain and sadness that had burdened her was life-changing.
Meaningful Change Facilitated by A Clear Vision or Purpose
Change is difficult. Change is often inspired by a loss or failure. This makes it especially troubling. We are motivated by the pain, of course. Additionally, we are inspired by the benefits we perceive as a result of doing the work. That’s essentially what drives all human progress. We would all still be in a cave if we didn’t see value in change.
Change is more likely when we match the current pain with the reward for change. People often wonder what took so long after a positive change is made. Now they see it clearly. Furthermore they now believe there was never a time when they didn’t see it. That is human nature. The fact of the matter is that when people see the pain clearly connected with the potential reward they will move mountains to make it happen. That is the trick.
The story continues…
Jenna, my client, revisited examples illustrating her capacity to make a difference. Additionally, she felt inspired to dig beneath her feelings, examining her part in the debilitating exchanges she was having with co-workers. During this process of exploration she recognized the connection to the ongoing sexual harassment that plagued her career for two years. While she’s reported it early, she buried it when told she should find a way to work with her peer. She now saw it just got worse.
In our conversations we started to unearth amazing results and contributions she’d made in her career. She started seeing her worth and value anew. Moreover, seeing this helped her realize the connection to between her pain and anger and the opportunity for vital and meaningful change. This client had to look backward to see who she was so she could paint a new picture for her future.
The Power of One Small Change
Meaningful change starts with one small change. One step is achievable and facilitates a second. Too often organizations and individuals seek urgent change. I understand the impulse. Successful change rarely happens that way.
One small change is the most powerful way to make change a reality. When we find that one step in the direction of our desired outcome energy is already going in a productive direction. So, start today.
Now, back to close the story…
Jenna had a new lease on life. She wanted to quit her job that week. After painting her vision for the future, she was ready to map a few steps. Clearly, quitting on the spot was not the best approach. She quickly recognized the importance of repairing a few key relationships. Jenna resolved all disputes with co-workers. Then she sought opportunities to contribute effectively. Interestingly, her vision for her own business grew clearer in the process.
The week before she intended to tender her resignation, she was offered a promotion and a raise. She happily turned it down. However, she turned the offer into a contract and a recommendation for her new business. She remains disappointed in her former employer’s unwillingness to deal with the sexual harassment of her former colleague. She recognizes though, that it was not a reflection on her as a person. Now, she is determined to catch the early signs of discontent in the future. Moreover, meaningful change and growth will always be accessible to her as a result.
A final word before the credits…
Meaningful change is sustainable when it can bubble up from within. This is the work I do. The experience of bubbling from within can be daunting at first. However, you can walk with me to navigate it effectively.
Have you heard about the #FeMasCon? It’s a conference examining performance and excellence with a healthy twist! We are exploring how by accessing the full continuum of human attributes, boxed as the feminine and masculine, we can all live a more productive, constructive and satisfying life. Join us in Toronto on November 10th.
Meaningful Change – the heart of the BYI System
Meaningful change is the heart and soul of the BYI System. It was conceived from a deep awareness that choice comes from deep insight and deep insight is derived from increased self-awareness. Moreover, purpose and meaningful change is only possible when we are willing to take this deep dive inside our self,
A healthy meaningful and full life is made possible with clarity about our values, beliefs, patterns and habits. Additionally, our quality of life is influenced and shaped by our unique blend of strengths and inclinations. Furthermore, a growth mindset and open-minded approach are foundations to sustaining this healthy sense of self.
The System
The Bank Your Impact (BYI) System is about both developing and embedding self-awareness. Furthermore, the benefits of expanded resilience, connections built on understanding the impact of belonging and an ability to bolster a professional and authentic presence are foundational. Perhaps more than the other two, developing a foundational resilience is critical to with standing that which moves us into burnout.
The current system incorporates 1:1 coaching, roundtable conversations; eventually I’ll add a neuro-social learning experience (currently only available in organizational contracts but will be added to the system for individual engagement in 2021).
My approach is based on the ICF (International Coaching Federation) standards. I’m meeting you (my clients) where you are, both as the coaching agreement begins, and in the moment that exists at the time of each conversation. Progress or growth is not a straight line. The ICA model is the framework for every conversation: Issue/Insight, Choice/Commitment, Action/Accountability. Over the past year I’ve been tightening the model to meet the needs of my clients.
Holding space to support my clients in:
- Developing meaningful insights
- Expanding/deepening perspective on those insights
- Building/designing a practice to try on new ways of being/seeing OR experiment for discovery
- Assessing progress, becoming agile in transfer of learning and application before developing additional insights
An organic experience
The experience is tailored around what you bring to each conversation, in my experience, there are common themes that arise including: self-awareness, mindfulness, mindset, communication, connections, and attitude. Self-awareness stands alone but is also a foundational theme. I have registered upwards of 40 sub-concepts that fit under each of these categories. Furthermore, I bring tools, skills and techniques to respond and guide our work together, informed by positive psychology, neuroscience, and management/leadership research.
Walk With Me, to Where You Want to Be
In April 2018, I was struck by, what felt like, a call of purpose; an insight of sorts. It inspired me to shift the focus of my practice. I’m now walking with 30 somethings. People who are at a pivotal spot in life and career. Whether THERE by age or spirit, I want to walk with people at this place in their life. This is a time in life when we are natural SEEKERS. We’re ready to do some self exploration & find the real meaning of our life? It is also a time when we are more likely to get stuck and make poor choices.
The research suggests people embrace their inner REBEL during their 20’s (the most rebellious after the toddler days in fact). If you are passive in your 20’s you will want to get curious about that too! Most of us slip quietly and comfortably though into ACCOMMODATOR in our 30’s. This documented pattern grabbed my attention and my mission was made clear. Moreover, I’m intent on resurfacing, or igniting, that inner rebel, whose perspective, now shaped with more experience, may offer insights many typically miss when insight and awareness matter most.
In June 2018 I took a course in story telling. I was intent on finding my “Big Why” to help me understand my purpose for shifting my practice. Ultimately, I landed on my story. It spans from my childhood, with a pivotal point in my early 20’s finally culminating in a significant career turning-point at the age of 37. This story revealed an unhealthy pattern while illuminating my new purpose. In fact, I feel motivated when remembering the moment of insight because this transition is difficult. Ultimately though, it adds meaning to my work. Listen below…
Feel like you’re living someone else’s destiny?
If that’s working for you, great. If it isn’t or it starts to be a problem, reach out. I welcome a conversation.
Willing to do the work to find more meaning?
With the skills to unpack the emotions and barriers and triggers and mindset challenges with the skills in my BYI system, participants begin to see the impact in their career and finally begin to discover what matters most to them. The bonus: they begin to see a path to get there. Join me…
My system is intended to be meaningful, relevant, accessible and affordable. With that in mind, there are many ways to engage with me. Below find THREE ways to get started, without spending a dime.
Walk with Me!
- REGISTERfor an ASK ROX RoundTable… TWO LIVE 50 minute engagements available at your desk or phone – the second Tuesday and the last Friday of every month – limited to 12 participants in each and FREE in 2019.
- BOOK a complimentary exploratory 1:1 conversation 20-30 minutes.
- SUBSCRIBE to my mailing list from my home page, receive an interactive exercise helping you cope with stress, and a weekly reflection.
In closing, I’d love to bring my work to your team or workplace, so:
- Book me to speak at your conference or to a group in your organization. My workshops on building resilience, improving workplace outcomes through relationships, and increasing performance are big hits!8