Meeting the Moment with the necessary resources. If not, be prepared to say “NO, not yet”. Resource building is our collective responsibility.
“The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining.” – John F. Kennedy
The 2020 theme of identity continues with this week’s focus on building our capacity to deliver before adding to the demands.
In the Kickass Koach podcast episode dropped September 14th, I revisit a common theme for this pandemic: how we meet the moment by knowing when to say “no” and laser focus our priorities.
For the newsletter, I ponder whether it makes sense to be a “giver” at all costs or if there is a reason to decline a demand others seek to place at our feet. No, not yet or not now at least, is sometimes a very reasonable response.
Finally, in this post I build on the post series originally engaged in mid July and the related blog post on August 14th.
Meeting the Moment Options
I love this concept of saying no. Recently, I attended a workshop on improvisation where Yes, AND is the central concept. I was skeptical because I have been working with so many clients on boundaries and evaluating demands and resources. The concept made sense though. In fact, I realized the ideas aren’t mutually exclusive.
I can accept what someone offers and full engage while also respecting my own values and limitations.
In fact, I argue that to meet a moment we need to first assess whether we have the capacity to deliver. Even as an executive, I needed to ask for help and accept my limitations if I was to achieve that which was required in the moment.
It helped me to think of a demand suddenly appearing like a hot potato. Remember that game from our childhood. Was I going to accept the hot potato or not? Below I consider when accepting it is the healthy way to meet a moment responsibly and effectively and when it may not be. We all have choices to make. It is important we make them with critical thinking and healthy awareness rather than by emotionally reacting to erroneous stimuli.
Meeting the Moment by Accepting the HP
As I reflect on my journey of performance and growth, I see how significant it is to choose when to accept a hot potato.
I developed a reputation for accepting challenges, catching the hot potato. My secret sauce was trusting myself to rise to the occasion. Believing in our self is powerful. When this belief is coupled with a willingness to learn and accept input and help, accepting challenges will potentially bring out our best.
Moreover, it may be lazy to take the easy road and wait for the path to appear. It is common practice though. Recently when swapping stories with a friend, he asked me, “what gave you the courage to take that step?” I recall reflecting on it for a few minutes before explaining it didn’t feel like courage because I had done it before, so it was familiar terrain. I knew it wouldn’t be without risk, but I also knew I would manage.
When meeting the moment is required, playing it safe isn’t always the best approach.. This pandemic didn’t give us a choice.
I appreciate something Leslie Jones recently said about being isolated during lockdowns, while being interviewed on ABC’s The View. She said something like, I am cut out for lockdowns. I like my own company. I like myself and enjoy my time alone. Perhaps we all need to learn to like our self more. Leslie Jones discovered something powerful about herself and in doing so has a recipe for meeting this moment. Perhaps by see this strength within herself, it will be a powerful support in future moments she will have to meet. We all can benefit from thinking about what she shared.
Meeting the Moment by Refusing the HP
Refusing the hot potato isn’t easy for many of us. It must be an option we are willing to consider. We may choose to decline to accept it because it isn’t our priority. Perhaps we aren’t prepared to deliver effectively. Moreover, sometimes we have conflicts. When we get past the judgment of not delivering, we will make better choices with our time.
To meet the moment, whether it is an opportunity to shine in solving a major problem or lead a team into a new adventure, it is beneficial to take stock of resources that will be needed before jumping in or accepting the challenge. I think of many times my enthusiasm led me to accept a challenge I had no business taking. I was often praised for my courage and daring. It felt good so I did it again. As I matured and grew as a leader, I realized how irresponsible I was in those moments.
Additionally, I recall situations when I took over the work of my direct reports rather than allowing them to fail and learn. This is another example of accepting a hot potato. It’s self-inflicted AND damaging to relationships.
I coach many leaders who think this is part of leadership. Some say, I just needed to be one of the gang to show them I am a team player. That’s hog wash. A leader who thinks they need to prove something is the only one who will take back a task to do the work of their direct reports. This is weak, emotionally selfish leadership. It’s the kind of leader who will obligate their team to deliver on outcomes without setting them up for success. Leaders of projects or people must be certain they have the resources to deliver, before accepting an HP.
Life is one big Experiment
“When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.” – Max Planck
Continuous learning and fresh insights are the goal of the experimental approach. What will the evidence teach us? Moreover, this approach is generative in addition to being iterative. With an experimental collaborative approach, we may find progress is faster and we go further. In collaboration we can crack this, but only together with a willingness to learn and honour the data and the stories will we arrive where we seek to go.
We may be capable of more closely monitoring and learning from our choices and decisions and build capacity to adjust our actions to meet the current situation. Then, we may influence how things unfold. There’s a difference between wanting something and making something happen. With the mindset necessary to perform under pressure we’re able to influence results more deeply. This mindset that relies on clarity, curiosity and a resilient spirit we accept no excuses, only meaningful results. Furthermore, it’s essential we learn to evaluate the risk of any action, removing the very human emotions that cloud our judgment.
Walk with me.
Together let’s examine options consciously and authentically to make choices that move us strategically toward where we want to be. Where may client wants to go is my paramount focus. Strategy is a about choices. Execution on these choices requires masterful performance. Furthermore, a well-developed process allows us to enjoy the journey far more fully
Be part of the journey in 2020.
Start by subscribing to my mailing list . Subscribers receive:
- My interactive exercise to begin reducing the impacts of stress and feelings of overwhelm will be sent.
- My newsletter with the related podcast episode will be sent weekly.
- Special offers will be available to subscribers monthly including: a random offer of a complimentary one hour coaching conversation, access to roundtable engagements and group coaching on identity and related subjects, as well as information on an initiative on which I’m collaborating: #FeMasCon.
De-clutter the Mind with Bank Your Impact (BYI)
The System
The Bank Your Impact (BYI) System is about both developing and embedding self-awareness. Furthermore, the benefits of expanded resilience, connections built on understanding the impact of belonging and an ability to bolster a professional and authentic presence are foundational. Perhaps more than the other two, developing a foundational resilience is critical to with standing that which moves us into burnout.
The current system incorporates 1:1 coaching, roundtable conversations; eventually I’ll add a neuro-social learning experience (currently only available in organizational contracts but will be added to the system for individual engagement in 2021). My approach is based on the ICF (International Coaching Federation) standards. I’m meeting you (my clients) where you are, both as the coaching agreement begins, and in the moment that exists at the time of each conversation. Progress or growth is not a straight line. The ICA model is the framework for every conversation: Issue/Insight, Choice/Commitment, Action/Accountability. Over the past year I’ve been tightening the model to meet the needs of my clients.
Holding space to support my clients in:
- Developing meaningful insights
- Expanding/deepening perspective on those insights
- Building/designing a practice to try on new ways of being/seeing OR experiment for discovery
- Assessing progress, becoming agile in transfer of learning and application before developing additional insights
An organic experience
The experience is tailored around what you bring to each conversation, in my experience, there are common themes that arise including: self-awareness, mindfulness, mindset, communication, connections, and attitude. Self-awareness stands alone but is also a foundational theme. I have registered upwards of 40 sub-concepts that fit under each of these categories. Furthermore, I bring tools, skills and techniques to respond and guide our work together, informed by positive psychology, neuroscience, and management/leadership research.
Walk With Me, to Where You Want to Be
In all my blog posts in 2019, you will find this section outlines what brought me to this area of focus: supporting people in the early to middle part of their career as a #performance #coach.
Feel like you’re living someone else’s destiny?
If that’s working for you, great. If it isn’t or it starts to be a problem, reach out. I welcome a conversation.
Willing to do the work to find more meaning?
With the skills to unpack the emotions and barriers and triggers and mindset challenges with the skills in my BYI system, participants begin to see the impact in their career and finally begin to discover what matters most to them. The bonus: they begin to see a path to get there. Join me… My system is intended to be meaningful, relevant, accessible and affordable. With that in mind, there are many ways to engage with me. Below are TWO ways to start, without spending a dime.
Walk with Me!
- BOOK a complimentary exploratory 1:1 conversation 20-30 minutes.
- SUBSCRIBE to my mailing list. You’ll receive an interactive exercise that you may use to reduce and manage stress or feelings of overwhelm. PLUS each week you’ll receive my podcast and reflections in your inbox AND you’ll be invited to monthly webinars and roundtable conversations.
In closing, I love bringing learning experiences to workplaces that are interested in raising their performance and encouraging their people.
- Book me to speak at your conference or to a group in your organization. My workshops on building resilience, improving workplace outcomes through relationships, and increasing performance are big hits! In 2020 I’ve added a few workshops on gender engagement – how, by knocking off the boxes that limit us by gender we all find our capacity expands.