In the Kickass Koach podcast episode dropped Monday, I share a story of how I discovered I needed a significant push to get unstuck. Then, I entered the most fruitful period of my career when pushed out of my comfort zone.
For the newsletter, I share a story of a client who contracted me with the intention to quit her job. As we discovered how she boxed her self into a corner, she found her way out without giving up what she had built.
In the weekly Instagram and LinkedIn video I make the point that sometimes we are happily stuck. I found the opportunities in my career blossomed when I finally welcomed a push out of my comfort zone.
Finally in this post I focus on sticky factors. What leads us to the state of stuck? What practical steps can we take to get unstuck and avoid being stuck
Stuck in a Rut – what gets us there?
We can get stuck in a happy place as easily as in a destructive or unhealthy spot. This was a revelation for me a few decades ago. I thought being stuck was a problem only when we didn’t want to be there. It turns out a rut is a rut. I share the insight in my podcast story.
The revelation shifted my understanding of how we get stuck. It’s the story of the frog in the water all over again. I’ve told it here before. We don’t even notice the water getting warmer as we enjoy the experience. That is one of the reasons and ways we get stuck in a rut. In other words, once energy is moving in one direction it requires a equally powerful force to redirect it.
Of course we get stuck in unhappy places. It is easier to stay where it is familiar. We see it in unhappy marriages, dysfunctional workplaces and toxic friendships or families. It isn’t easy to see when you are in it. Moreover when we are stuck in happy places it is exponentially more difficult to see.
Finally, what gets us there is simple and human: comfort. We are wired to avoid threats. It is easier to go with the momentum than to change course. Essentially, it is our own patterns and habits that create the ruts that hold us tight.
Stuck is Human – getting out is a process
Obviously, being and feeling stuck doesn’t require any work. It is a common human condition. Furthermore, the nature of the human brain makes it easy. We create and crave familiar neuro pathways. These pathways become patterns that turn into habits. Moreover, they embed them self, requiring intentional practice when change is desired. Below I outline a simple process. Describing the process is simple. Committing to it for real change is not. Hence, the creation and growth of the coaching profession. Holding space for clients to navigate this terrain is the work of a skilled coach.
Life is one big Experiment
We can all start by approaching life as an experiment. Each day will offer wondrous insights and lessons. Perhaps some will reveal break-through revelations. Besides, this may be the key to getting unstuck.
Consider the following three steps as part of your process.
Develop Clarity about where you are presently.
Clarity starts with the intentional act of noticing. Learning to recognize and evaluate our circumstances, good and bad. Along with, paying attention to how we feel and how we are thinking throughout the day.
Next, we may consider and contrast shifts in experience throughout the day and over time. How does our situation shifts and changes. Moreover, how do we feel or think about these changes. We develop clarity by getting granular in our assessment of our current situation.
In our workplaces or businesses, this would be the first step in a needs assessment or a gap analysis. We are ready to map a plan to get unstuck once we understand where we are. Essentially, it is the act of taking stock. It is not passive work. This requires inquiry and engagement both internally and externally.
Spend time Reflecting on where you want to be and who you want to be.
Secondly, it is time to do some creative work. We start by developing a clear picture of where we want to be. Some may say this is passive work. I argue this is the time to test ideas. That makes is very active. Reflecting on where we want to be means testing options. You can’t evaluate in theory. We learn who we are and what we want in practice , not theory.
A compelling vision of future possibilities is energizing. In the podcast story I clearly lay out how I only recognized I was stuck when I saw the vision of where I could be. When we can see it, we summon the courage and tenacity to make it happen.
Identify one skill or area of focus that will move you closer to this desired place.
Thirdly, we must remember the vision won’t be realized just because. We must choose a direction and build a strategy. I often asked my client’s the question: what’s one small thing that can be done in the next 24-48 hours that will move you closer to that future state?
Be part of the journey in 2020.
Start by subscribing to my mailing list . Subscribers receive:
- My interactive exercise to begin reducing the impacts of stress and feelings of overwhelm will be sent.
- My newsletter with the related podcast episode will be sent weekly.
- Special offers will be available to subscribers monthly including: a random offer of a complimentary one hour coaching conversation, access to roundtable engagements and group coaching on identity and related subjects, as well as information on an initiative on which I’m collaborating: #FeMasCon.
Stuck is Tackled by Bank Your Impact (BYI)
Feeling stuck is a common concern raised by clients who engage in the BYI system. Moreover, the processes of getting un-stuck requires that we dive deeply into who we are and who we are becoming. Creating the life we want starts with wading through the thickest sludge to get un-stuck.
Furthermore, to get what we truly want in life, we need to be willing to persist, seek help, and continually look for transferable learning opportunities. Additionally, we need to be willing to question our choices and expand our options through healthy curiosity and a search for unique perspectives. Furthermore, identifying and nurturing our identity is the place to start.
A healthy meaningful and full life is made possible with clarity about our values, beliefs, patterns and habits. Additionally, our quality of life is influenced and shaped by our unique blend of strengths and inclinations. Undoubtedly, a growth mindset and open-minded approach are foundations to sustaining this healthy sense of self.
The System
The Bank Your Impact (BYI) System is about both developing and embedding self-awareness. Furthermore, the benefits of expanded resilience, connections built on understanding the impact of belonging and an ability to bolster a professional and authentic presence are foundational. Perhaps more than the other two, developing a foundational resilience is critical to with standing that which moves us into burnout.
The current system incorporates 1:1 coaching, roundtable conversations; eventually I’ll add a neuro-social learning experience (currently only available in organizational contracts but will be added to the system for individual engagement in 2021).
My approach is based on the ICF (International Coaching Federation) standards. I’m meeting you (my clients) where you are, both as the coaching agreement begins, and in the moment that exists at the time of each conversation. Progress or growth is not a straight line. The ICA model is the framework for every conversation: Issue/Insight, Choice/Commitment, Action/Accountability. Over the past year I’ve been tightening the model to meet the needs of my clients.
Holding space to support my clients in:
- Developing meaningful insights
- Expanding/deepening perspective on those insights
- Building/designing a practice to try on new ways of being/seeing OR experiment for discovery
- Assessing progress, becoming agile in transfer of learning and application before developing additional insights
An organic experience
The experience is tailored around what you bring to each conversation, in my experience, there are common themes that arise including: self-awareness, mindfulness, mindset, communication, connections, and attitude. Self-awareness stands alone but is also a foundational theme. I have registered upwards of 40 sub-concepts that fit under each of these categories. Furthermore, I bring tools, skills and techniques to respond and guide our work together, informed by positive psychology, neuroscience, and management/leadership research.
Walk With Me, to Where You Want to Be
In all my blog posts in 2019, you will find this section outlines what brought me to this area of focus: supporting people in the early to middle part of their career as a #performance #coach.
You can read more about my work and my in the About Me section of the website and below is a recording of my #bigwhystory:
Feel like you’re living someone else’s destiny?
If that’s working for you, great. If it isn’t or it starts to be a problem, reach out. I welcome a conversation.
Willing to do the work to find more meaning?
With the skills to unpack the emotions and barriers and triggers and mindset challenges with the skills in my BYI system, participants begin to see the impact in their career and finally begin to discover what matters most to them. The bonus: they begin to see a path to get there. Join me…
My system is intended to be meaningful, relevant, accessible and affordable. With that in mind, there are many ways to engage with me. Below are TWO ways to start, without spending a dime.
Walk with Me!
- BOOK a complimentary exploratory 1:1 conversation 20-30 minutes.
- SUBSCRIBE to my mailing list. You’ll receive an interactive exercise that you may use to reduce and manage stress or feelings of overwhelm. PLUS each week you’ll receive my podcast and reflections in your inbox AND you’ll be invited to monthly webinars and roundtable conversations.
In closing, I love bringing learning experiences to workplaces that are interested in raising their performance and encouraging their people.
- Book me to speak at your conference or to a group in your organization. My workshops on building resilience, improving workplace outcomes through relationships, and increasing performance are big hits! In 2020 I’ve added a few workshops on gender engagement – how, by knocking off the boxes that limit us by gender we all find our capacity expands.