It is essential to remember a unique vantage point only adds value when it is expressed. Additionally, the way it is shared matters.
I compare and contrast the vantage points of the leader and the employee in this week’s podcast episode. Moreover, I explore how we resist the urge to step out of our assigned lane when we value both perspectives equally. In other words, a leader who tries to be “one of the guys” diminishes the value and their capacity to perform in their role.
The newsletter, on the other hand, examines a story of a leader who not only valued the unique perspective of a trades-person who worked for his business, he welcomed an opportunity to demonstrate that value to their client.
The Wednesday video on Instagram (abbreviated version) and LinkedIn (full version) focused on an experience I had in my 20’s; I was asked to join a board and then to co-chair it because of the unique vantage point I could express.
Finally, this post brings it all together with a story that blends the personal and the professional.
It feels great to hear one’s vantage point is unique, when it is valued. Expressing our unique perspective is essential to making a difference in the world.
Cultivating and Nurturing One’s Vantage Point
Most people aren’t very self-aware. Self-awareness is critical to seeing and consciously expressing one’s unique vantage point. It’s a difficult process. Perhaps because so few do the work to cultivate it. I share, in the story below, how Petra appears to the world to be self assured and capable of great things. Unfortunately, she fails to see the importance of expressing from her vantage point directly. Furthermore, she hides her real agenda rather than expressing it openly. Perhaps she was blind to the impact she was having.
The first place to start cultivating a unique vantage point is personal. Expressing it is very public so that’s secondary. How does one then cultivate it? Focus within. We all have a tendency to look outside our self. Look within to find values. Moreover, link values to beliefs. Insights develop when we see the connection between our deepest held values and the beliefs that hold them up. Furthermore, this helps us recognize our patterns, behaviours and even our habits more clearly. Particularly when we start with the beliefs and values that drive them.
Nurturing one’s unique vantage point may be less difficult. It still requires effort. One useful approach is to identify a trusted adviser or mentor who is willing to hold up a mirror. A meditation or journaling practice is also helpful.
Expressing must follow after cultivating and it can form part of the nurturing process. As the Cohen quote suggests, this is the outward gift to the world. The adviser and the mindful practices mentioned earlier can help make the expression more powerful and ensure it continues to be genuine. It is healthy to develop a system to actively notice the various ways it is manifesting.
Recognizing and Nurturing the Vantage Point of Others
An astute person learns to see and nurture their own unique vantage point and seeks support in the process. One must be both empathetic and socially aware to be equally effective in recognizing and nurturing the unique perspective of others. This is an essential skill to be a person of influence, whether in a formal leadership role or not.
In the story below Terry demonstrates a high degree of emotional intelligence without imposing a course of action. As the sibling to one and life partner to the other, it must have been difficult for Terry to offer the seemingly dramatic advice. Perhaps it was the long time relationships that made it possible.
Hanna made the difficult decision. Again, she has both relational and professional “skin in the game”. She chose to acknowledge the feelings that arose when looking at the experience through her perspective rather than simply reacting to the perceived message expressed by Petra. Hanna was open to learning from Terry’s vantage point, respected it and made a decision in keeping with her own.
This week’s newsletter contains a story that illustrates the significance of recognizing and nurturing the perspectives of others. This level of emotional intelligence requires a release of the ego. Being effective often does. Furthermore, this work requires exceptional listening skills and more. In fact, to truly value the unique vantage point of others, one must develop a keen ability to observe and look beneath the surface Terry demonstrated this in the story below as did the leader in the newsletter story.
A Story to Learn From
In this week’s Wednesday video I share a story from the very beginning of my career. It was one of many examples I’ve witnessed where leaders valued the unique vantage point or perspective of others. The story below offers insight into both valuing one’s own vantage point and recognizing and respecting the perspectives of others. This story is real but I took a few liberties in the telling.
Background on the story….
This story overlaps the personal and the professional. Two business associates, not formal partners, but collaborators. One business woman, Petra, may be described as strong-willed and aggressive. Petra finds a way to get what she wants from every business transaction. It’s as though she can bend people to her will. Hanna has her own business but is able to supply services and product in support of Petra’s work. Hanna is more relationship-oriented in her approach and her strategic capacity is less assertive and perhaps considered to be softer. Petra and Hanna are related through marriage. Terry, Hanna’s spouse has no involvement in the business but does, of course, have an interest in maintaining productive relationships.
To preserve and protect relationships Hanna and Petra wisely developed formal terms for their business arrangement. The terms are reviewed and renewed every few years. That renewal and renegotiation was imminent at the time of the incident.
The Incident…
One Sunday afternoon the extended family gathered to enjoy a day of eating, board-games and horsing around. It was a regular occurrence in this family. At one point, Petra and Hanna found themselves chatting on the back patio. Their spouses were sharing a drink nearby. Petra mentioned the upcoming negotiation and told Hanna how disappointed she was with the quality of Hanna’s product. “It’s really deteriorated over the years. I’m concerned about the quality of your processes”, she said boldly. Hanna was stunned into silence. Not being one for outward conflict, especially when risking family relationships, Hanna decided to just accept the criticism. Petra, seeing she had the upper hand continued saying something like, “listen I’m confident I could turn this around and make it better. It can’t continue on it’s current path.”
Later that evening Terry questioned Hanna. Terry, having over-heard the one-sided conversation, felt bad for Hanna. “You looked diminished and it appeared like Petra left you doubting yourself. How do you plan to handle this situation?” Terry loved Petra and having grown up together, knew Petra to be aggressive and confrontational. Hanna welcomed Terry’s perspective and they discussed options that allowed Hanna to examine her needs while respecting the family relationships.
In the next week Hanna reflected on the conversation with her spouse and her experience with Petra and made a decision for herself and her business. She began exploring other avenues for collaboration. During this process she received an offer for her business. In fact the a buyer eagerly agreed to her desired price. The value she had developed and believed to be real was actually recognized by this purchasing party. Hanna felt vindicated and rewarded for honouring her own unique perspective and the value she placed on the work she’d done.
What were the Unique Vantage Points?
Petra had a hidden agenda. She saw herself as a strategic negotiator. In preparation for the upcoming renegotiation, her intention was to lay the groundwork to secure her plan. Petra chose not to express her own perspective clearly, to protect her position. She admitted later, during a family reconciliation process, that she had wanted to buy Hanna’s business during the negotiation. Her approach, however, resulted in broken relationships. Would she have achieved her goal by being transparent and clear from her unique perspective? Petra’s point of view mattered. Her demise came when she failed to recognize and value the unique vantage point of another.
Hanna’s unique vantage point rested deeply on her connection to the company and product she had developed. She was wise in accepting input from Terry who ultimately had a stake in the relationships as well. Interestingly, her decision was made possible because she listened to Terry’s perspective on the situation. Hanna left the encounter with Petra on the patio feeling like a victim. When valuing her own position and fully hearing Terry’s she was able to act constructive rather than vindictively.
Terry felt caught in the middle, as you might imagine. I wonder if Terry would have been able to express her unique vantage point if not personally witnessing Petra’s behaviour at the family event.
Being True to One’s Unique Vantage Point Allows for Elephant Justice
Years ago I learned something I know refer to as Elephant Justice. It was a gift from a book by Gloria Steinem. She tells the story of being in a village meeting with elders. They were on a rooftop over looking the vast lands where elephants grazed. In the early morning before starting their talks the wise local elder invited his guests to stand at the edge of the roof tops to watch the elephants make their morning trek through town to their daily grazing spot.
As they made their orderly way through the main street, single file, a little boy picked up a stone and threw it at one of the little elephants making it cry out both in surprise and possibly pain. Later in the day the elder suggested to the group to again watch the elephants as they made their way back through town to their evening rest. He encouraged them to see if they could find the little boy who had been naughty to see if he would repeat his bad behaviour. As the elephants neared where the boy was hiding one of the larger elephants lifted her trunk and held it over the little boy and sprayed him with water she had saved from the watering hold, just for him.
This is elephant justice. Measured and in keeping with the infraction. Never extended to the power and might that was available. Petra was hurt by Hanna’s decision but in time she recognized Hanna had been justified in her decision to sell her business.
Nurturing One’s Vantage Point – the heart of my BYI System
My Bank Your Impact System is built on the foundation of self-awareness. A person’s unique vantage point is made up of a combination of their values, beliefs, patterns and habits. It is also influenced and shaped by their unique blend of strengths and inclinations.
At its core, the BYI System seeks to uncover the heart or core of the vantage point chosen and cultivated by each participant. This is a critical step in order to nurture and express it.
shed light on the participant’s strengths and values, realizing that everything they produce in their life bubbles out of them through the intervening limiting beliefs, attitudes, mindset, patterns and habits. Our frames offer clues helping navigate our journey to self awareness.
The Bank Your Impact (BYI) System is about both developing and embedding self-awareness. Benefits of expanded resilience, connections built on understanding the impact of belonging and an ability to bolster a professional and authentic presence are foundational.
The current system incorporates 1:1 coaching, roundtable conversations; eventually I’ll add a neuro-social learning experience (currently only available in organizational contracts but will be added to the system for individual engagement in 2021).
My approach is based on the ICF (International Coaching Federation) standards. I’m meeting you (my clients) where you are, both as the coaching agreement begins, and in the moment that exists at the time of each conversation. Progress or growth is not a straight line. The ICA model is the framework for every conversation: Issue/Insight, Choice/Commitment, Action/Accountability. Over the past year I’ve been tightening the model to meet the needs of my clients.
Holding space to support my clients in:
- Developing meaningful insights
- Expanding/deepening perspective on those insights
- Building/designing a practice to try on new ways of being/seeing OR experiment for discovery
- Assessing progress, becoming agile in transfer of learning and application before developing additional insights
An organic experience
The experience is tailored around what you bring to each conversation, in my experience, there are common themes that arise including: self-awareness, mindfulness, mindset, communication, connections, and attitude. Self-awareness stands alone but is also a foundational theme. I have registered upwards of 40 sub-concepts that fit under each of these categories. I bring tools, skills and techniques to respond and guide our work together, informed by positive psychology, neuroscience, and management/leadership research.
Walk With Me, to Where You Want to Be
In April 2018, I was struck by, what felt like, a call of purpose; an insight of sorts. It inspired me to shift the focus of my practice. I’m now walking with 30 somethings. People who are at a pivotal spot in life and career. Whether THERE by age or spirit, I want to walk with people at this place in their life. This is a time in life when we are natural SEEKERS. We’re ready to do some self exploration & find the real meaning of our life? It is also a time when we are more likely to get stuck and make poor choices.
The research suggests people embrace their inner REBEL during their 20’s (the most rebellious after the toddler days in fact). If you are passive in your 20’s you will want to get curious about that too! Most of us slip quietly and comfortably though into ACCOMMODATOR in our 30’s. This documented pattern grabbed my attention and my mission was made clear. Moreover, I’m intent on resurfacing, or igniting, that inner rebel, whose perspective, now shaped with more experience, may offer insights many typically miss when insight and awareness matter most.
In June 2018 I took a course in story telling. I was intent on finding my “Big Why” to help me understand my purpose for shifting my practice. Ultimately, I landed on my story. It spans from my childhood, with a pivotal point in my early 20’s finally culminating in a significant career turning-point at the age of 37. This story revealed an unhealthy pattern while illuminating my new purpose. In fact, I feel motivated when remembering the moment of insight because this transition is difficult. Ultimately though, it adds meaning to my work. Listen below…
Feel like you’re living someone else’s destiny?
If that’s working for you, great. If it isn’t or it starts to be a problem, reach out. I welcome a conversation.
Willing to do the work to find more meaning?
With the skills to unpack the emotions and barriers and triggers and mindset challenges with the skills in my BYI system, participants begin to see the impact in their career and finally begin to discover what matters most to them. The bonus: they begin to see a path to get there. Join me…
My system is intended to be meaningful, relevant, accessible and affordable. With that in mind, there are many ways to engage with me. Below find THREE ways to get started, without spending a dime.
Walk with Me!
- REGISTERfor an ASK ROX RoundTable… TWO LIVE 50 minute engagements available at your desk or phone – the second Tuesday and the last Friday of every month – limited to 12 participants in each and FREE in 2019.
- BOOK a complimentary exploratory 1:1 conversation 20-30 minutes.
- SUBSCRIBE to my mailing list from my home page, receive an interactive exercise helping you cope with stress, and a weekly reflection.
Of course I’d love to bring my work to your team or workplace, you can…
- Book me to speakat your conference or to a group in your organization. My workshops on building resilience, improving workplace outcomes through relationships, and increasing performance are big hits!