Think about someone you view as a role model or someone you admire for skills or competencies they demonstrate. Do you compare yourself to her? Do you feel demoralized thinking you can never be or contribute the way she does?
That is how we respond when we are living in a fixed mindset. It shapes how we see the world. And it impacts the relationships we cultivate.
I say this in the podcast and it bears repeating—you may be in a Fixed Mindset in one area of your life and not another so recognize where it occurs. Then choose a place to focus and listen to yourself. How is the Fixed Mindset showing up?
NOW, is there ever a time when you witness someone who is extremely proficient in something you would like to master and you think, “WOW, that person did that…she really did that and I wonder how she did it so I’m going to talk with her to see what I can learn”?
That is an example of how the Growth Mindset shows up. How does that feel?
When you feel the difference in your life you’ll want it—and you’ll do whatever it takes to make it happen. It is almost like a whole new world will open up to you. I MEAN IT!
I’ll review the steps I talked about in the podcast AND start with one NEW one:
- SELF-COMPASSION. Any shift or forward movement you decide to take in your life will require self-compassion. Just like you wouldn’t yell or scold a 13-month-old who is taking her first steps, why would you ever be hard on yourself when you are learning something new? And yet when you are stuck in Fixed Mindset that is EXACTLY what you do. Right!
So take a deep breath and remember everything new starts somewhere and then keep moving and breathing every day when you take the next baby step in changing YOU and YOUR life. What you make of your life is completely up to you.
- Once you are embracing Self-Compassion you’re ready to let go of perfection. As much as we all want to be right and do things well, it is a stressful way to live and no one is at their best when they set such a high standard. In a Growth Mindset the focus is on progress rather than perfection. And when you hit a wall or fail at something it is full of so much learning and life experience it pays huge dividends.
On the other hand, many of my clients who have a fixed mindset feel overwhelmed when they don’t see a clear path or answer to a new dilemma. A unique challenge or set-back is a reminder she doesn’t have the required level of intelligence to overcome the problem.
So take a deep breath and look at how much you’ve learned. Now open yourself up for the next learning experience.
- Now that you are being as compassionate to yourself as you are with others and letting go of being right and embracing progress, you are ready to work on your definition of effort. When you embrace and develop a Growth Mindset you accept that a new goal, a new project, a new vision is going to require a different level of effort and it will take time to become proficient. (In Malcolm Gladwell’s book he talks about 10,000 hours.) Again I remind you of the patience you would show a 13-month-old learning to walk.
While writing this blog post I was reminded about how I felt the two weeks before launching my podcast. For a couple of months I had to be in learner mindset (similar to Growth Mindset) AND then I decided it was time to learning how to navigate the software to actually record and edit and upload it—wow! I was stretched and I needed to show myself a lot of compassion—I took breaks periodically and I rewarded myself with a glass of wine after a long day of pulling my hair out. It didn’t take me 10,000 hours (thankfully) and I continue to learn new things about all aspects of sharing my vision through the podcast. There was a moment—I remember it well—when I knew I was over the worst of it. I haven’t given myself this kind of challenge for a few years and it feels GREAT to be taking-it-on and to see and feel my progress.
So maybe you are ready to really take on your Fixed Mindset. If you are compassionate, letting go and willing to put the effort in to make the change—AND it is all about CHOICE—then you can move to #4.
- Really listen to the voice of your Fixed Mindset and Talk Back to IT. This voice is similar to that of your Inner Critic (if you haven’t listened to my podcast on the Inner Critic it may be worthwhile to take 7 minutes and do that…just scroll to episode #5 in the podcast tab on my website.
Like your Inner Critic you want to talk back to your Fixed Mindset when it speaks to you. The Fixed Mindset will say things like, “Don’t try that—you’ve never been good at that!” OR “You’re going to look like a fool and be a joke.”
If you let these statements take root they will start to define you and hold you back. Instead you need to notice them and challenge them with thoughts or responses such as: “And I will never be good at it if I don’t work on it. I have to start somewhere and this is worthwhile for me to learn.” OR “Who cares if others laugh at me. Why should I live my life to please them?!”
As I suggest in the podcast: Take a week and notice what you say to yourself. In what areas of your life are you limited by a Fixed Mindset? Once you know where you can work on it pick one area and start to challenge yourself.
Your brain is always ready and willing to learn new things. In the past, we believed our brains were limited; we now know that at any age, as long as we stick to something and push through the challenges the neurons in the brain will continue to build new pathways and our competence will grow. If you listened to podcast episode #2 you know I had a stroke just over 4 years ago and while I have fully recovered, according to my neurologist and other specialists, I notice a difference. I also KNOW that very quickly after my stroke the rest of my brain was reprogramming, rerouting messages and learning to compensate for the infarctions I suffered. It was building new pathways then just as it did when I was learning the technical aspects of setting up a podcast and just like when I learned linear algebra or how to code using Waterloo Basic (I know that dates me) in University.
If you want to live the life you want and make the contribution you dream about, choosing a Growth Mindset is an essential part of your journey. And life is so much sweeter too!
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Next week on my podcast: Mindset IV–Learner or Judger Mode, what are you choosing and how’s it working or you?